


Touched by the Fade

by LadyNagisa



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Addiction, Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Dragon Age II Spoilers, Dragon Age: Origins Spoilers, F/M, Language, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Past Violence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Sappy, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Spoilers, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-07-15 11:53:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 68,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7221337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyNagisa/pseuds/LadyNagisa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen meets a lonely, damaged survivor of the attack on Haven who carries a secret with her. Cullen is concerned that she may be there to sabotage the Inquisition and sets about learning what it is she is hiding, not realizing that the biggest danger is to his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Cullen is one of my favorite characters and although I’m romancing him now; I wanted to write a story about him in the light that he doesn’t pair up with the Inquisitor. If she is involved elsewhere, how might his life go. Writing using my original Inquisitor, who is a Dalish Rogue and very much about Solas.
> 
> Update: 6/20/16 - Added new tags to cover the use of an OC and not keeping events in perfect order - also for upcoming event that wasn't in the game(s)  
> 6/22/16 - added 3 new tags to cover upcoming situations  
> 7/18/16 - added more tags, 1 that should have been there from the start and I forgot it ^^;;;;  
> 8/23/16 - changed the relationship tags by request - I'll mark the couple chapters that vaguely touch on them

The dreams came most nights. Nothing she did or thought stopped them, they still came.  It was always the same. She was just outside her father’s shop against Haven’s outer wall. People were scurrying to and fro, gathering supplies to retreat into the village’s Chantry in the wake of the news of a mage army marching on the town. In the distant peaks she could see the breach glowing green and ominous as if the Herald had never closed it.

Suddenly the wall behind her exploded. Shards of stone pelted her as she ducked under one of her father’s tables. They were out of time. The mages were here. Her father bolted from his shop, a small pack slung over his shoulder, and hauled her out from under the table.

“Thalia! Go! We must get to the Chantry!” He yelled as he grabbed her arm and dragged her up the path towards the large building.

More explosions and the screams of the frightened people ripped the air. She heard the sound of clashing steel as the Inquisition’s army engaged the invading troops. She stumbled, sharp rocks biting into the flash of her knees and hands as she fell on the frozen ground. Her father helped her up and she glanced around them in time to see the Herald and her group of fighters sprinting towards one of the massive trebuchets.

“They mean to take down the side of the mountain!” A villager yelled as he ran past them.

The ground exploded behind them, the vibrations almost knocking her off her feet again. She heard her father grunt and his grip tightened on her wrist for a fraction of a moment.

“Come!” He urgently pulled her up the patch to the massive wooden doors of the Chantry.

At the door an expression of resolve crossed his face as his brown eyes met her terrified gray ones. “Go, little one.” He said quietly, shoving the pack into her arms.

“But, Papa…”

“She needs help. As many as we can manage.”

“You’ll be killed!”

 “I’m afraid it’s already too late for me, little one.” He gave her a sad smile.

It was then she noticed the dark blood soaking his tunic and trousers. “Papa…”

“So beautiful; just like your mother.” He reached out and cupped her cheek briefly, before tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. “You’re more special than you have ever known. You have to live. Andraste preserve you. I love you, my daughter.”

He grabbed her shoulder and shoved her backwards through the door. She stumbled and fell against the cold, stone floor, the pack landing beside her with a clatter. Screaming his name, she scrambled to her feet and rushed for the door.

Thalia’s eyes flew open, her cries dying on her lips as she took a shuddering breath. That was the last time she’d seen her father. She remembered frantically searching the faces of the few people that returned to the Chantry with the Herald. She remembered sitting in a corner listening as the Herald talked to the other members of the Inquisition’s hierarchy, the sureness that they were not going to make it out of there. And then a wounded Chantry priest has spoken up about tunnels leading away from Haven and higher into the Frostback Mountains.

The Herald had stayed behind to bombard the mountainside with the trebuchets to buy enough time for the Commander of her army to get all the people to safety through the tunnels. Though it meant almost certain death to the young woman, she never wavered in her decision.

She’d lived. She’d dropped half the mountain down The Elder One, his dragon and, his mage army. The landslides had destroyed what was left of Haven, but somehow the young, elven woman had managed to get to the tunnels. She led them to Skyhold, an ancient, abandoned fortress high in the mountains. It was there that they had named her The Inquisitor; the leader of the Inquisition and its forces. It was there on the stone steps of the fortress that the woman, Ellana Lavellan, had taken up the Inquisition sword and promised to find a way to defeat the Elder One, Corypheus, and close the breach in the sky for good.

Thalia had stood in the bailey below the steps and watched the woman’s face. Tall and slim, blonde and green eyed. She was elven, but the people didn’t care. She had been chosen by Andraste and that was enough for them. She was beautiful and unsure of herself, but still she took the burden upon herself to save all these people, and the people rejoiced in her.

How could Thalia do any less? She was nothing more than a smith’s daughter, but his last words to her had been to live. She’d honor his words and fight to keep going, no matter how hopeless it seemed to her at times.

She’d been taken under the wing of the Chantry sisters. She helped them with the wounded at the infirmary and in return they provided her with meals and a place to sleep. Because she worked with the Chantry, she had been given a private room. It was small, barely having enough space for her narrow bed, a small chair by the fire, and a small table with a wash basin. It was enough for her and she was happy not to have to sleep in the shared areas with many of the other refugees.

With a sigh she got up and peeked out the door, her room having no windows. The sun hadn’t broken over the mountains yet. She wasn’t going to go back to sleep so she might just as well make her way to the infirmary to see what she could do. No matter what the hour, the sisters were always glad for the help, even though she knew Mother Giselle worried over the hours she was keeping.

She pulled a simple gown over her shift, a gift from the sisters to replace her ruined clothes, and quickly tied the laces of the bodice and sleeves. She pulled on a pair of small boots and tied them before adding wood to the fire. With any luck there would still be enough coals to rekindle it when she returned later. They were marching towards autumn quickly and it was already cold this high in the mountains, she imagined the winter was going to be bitter.

Running her fingers through her black hair, she tried her best to make it presentable before tying it back with a leather cord. Maybe the sisters could find her a hair brush, though she hated to ask them for anything. They were already stretched thin trying to provide food and needed items for the rest of the villagers.

She turned towards the door, her eyes falling on the pack her father had given her. She still hadn’t opened it. She already knew by the sound it had made that it was her mother’s armor. She’d never seen the armor, but she knew her father had repaired it and kept it for her all these years. It would have been the one thing he would have saved from the shop. He’d made it clear that the armor was for her when the time came, despite her resolve to not follow in her mother’s footsteps. She would not be a fighter.

Thalia supposed she should open it one of these days but right now her heart couldn’t bear to do so. She’d never seen the armor. He’d kept it packed carefully away and she just hadn’t been interested. All she knew was that he’d made it for the woman he loved and it was supposedly the finest piece of work he’d ever done.

Stepping outside into the dimly lit bailey, Thalia took a deep breath of the cold air letting the bite of it clear her head. Not wanting to stay outside in the cold too long she hurried across the yard towards the door that would lead to the inner courtyard and the infirmary.

The door to the courtyard was located past the main stairs into the grand hall and near the practice yard. As she approached the stairs she could already hear people out in the practice area. The soldiers seemed to get an earlier start than most of the people. She’d overheard a conversation between the Commander of the army and the Inquisitor and he’d vowed to never let the events at Haven happen again. She assumed it was because of that promise that his soldiers were always drilling and practicing. He would want them to be ready to defend at a moment’s notice.

She didn’t see how anyone could make that vow. It seemed to her that they wouldn’t be safe from someone like Corypheus no matter where they went. He seemed determined though and she did have to admit there was a certain sense of peace and security here at Skyhold that she’d never felt at Haven. Maybe it was possible.

Lost in her thoughts she rounded the corner of the steps and crashed into the Commander, losing her balance as she tried to step back quickly.

“Whoa there.” He grabbed her by the shoulders to steady her.

“I-I’m sorry!” She stammered, her face flushing bright red as she looked up at his face.

He was a tall man, but she was tall herself, getting her height from her father. Even so, the top of her head came to about his eyes. He had short, wavy golden hair and combined with his amber eyes it gave him an almost lion-like appearance. His face was stern, but there was kindness in it. He wore a black breastplate with black arms. Red cloth draped from his shoulders to crisscross his body and blend in with the red, leather trousers he wore. His lion appearance was furthered by the huge mane of red and black fur around the neck of his armor.

He leaned one arm causally on the pommel of his sword and she realized he was studying her back.

“A bit early to be out, isn’t it?”

“I’m to help the sisters at the infirmary.” She murmured. “I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

“Just make sure you don’t wander into the practice yard.” He nodded in the direction of the drilling soldiers. “Sometimes they don’t pay attention either.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” She gave him a strained smile. “Excuse me, ser.”

“Do you have a name?” He asked as she stepped around him.

She hesitated for a brief moment. “Thalia.”

“Cullen.” He replied with a nod.

She nodded lightly at him before she turned away and disappeared behind the door to the courtyard.

He watched the door for a moment after she’d gone. He knew she’d come with them from Haven, but he couldn’t say he remembered seeing her before that. He liked to think he at least knew the face of everyone that had been in Haven, but as busy as he’d been he could have missed someone.

He was sure that if he had seen her in Haven he’d remember her. She was nearly his height. Her hair was a mass of black waves tumbling around her face when she didn’t have it tied back and her eyes were the color of a winter storm, dark gray with a hint of light purple. She was too thin and too pale, as were a lot of the people here, their losses and worry weighing heavily on them.

They’d been at Skyhold nearly a month now and the loss at Haven was still very fresh on everyone’s mind. The people feared that Corypheus would find them and it would happen all over again. It was going to take time before they started to feel safe again.

He would make sure they were safe, he thought to himself as he turned up the stairs to the great hall to meet with the Inquisitor and her other two advisors.


	2. Chapter 2

Thalia took a deep breath of the cool afternoon air as she dropped her apron in a basket and stepped out the courtyard door. It had been another long day, but at least they were no longer treating the wounded from Haven. Most had finally been released from the infirmary and now her days were filled with more minor complaints. A few illnesses and injuries got from day to day life or the occasional soldier with an injury from practice. Six weeks after arriving here, people were settling and getting on with their lives. Though she had heard that the Inquisition armies were going to be running missions and she was sure there would be wounded from those to come.

It seemed they would be here for a while and everyone was focused on getting ready for winter. They needed to gather and preserve as much as they could before the heavy winter snows blocked the mountain passes. A light breeze blew through the bailey and Thalia lifted her face to it, admiring the snow covered mountain peaks against the pure blue sky.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

“I’m sorry?”

She turned as a dwarf man walked up beside her. His head came to about her chest; he wore his red-gold hair pulled into a short-cropped tail high on the back of his head. His face was clean-shaven, an odd habit for a dwarf, and he had smiling hazel eyes. He wore light armor and the most bizarre crossbow she’d ever seen was slung across his back. She recognized the crossbow before she did him. He’d been into her father’s smithy on occasion for repairs.

“Varric…” She tried to think of his family name. “Tethras?”

Varric Tethras was nearly legendary in most circles. He was a member of the merchant guild and had fought beside Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall, in the mage rebellion. He and Hawke, along with Varric’s  brother, Bertrand, had also funded and led an expedition deeper into the darkspawn infested Deep Roads than anyone had ever gone, making their fortune in the treasures they had brought back. It was also rumored that his spy network was the largest in the lands, rivaling even the Inquisition’s network.

 “I’m always flattered to be remembered by a beautiful girl.” Varric grinned at her. “You’re Pelham Marchant’s daughter, right? I remember seeing you around his shop when I stopped in.”

“I am.” She fought the vise of pain that suddenly gripped her heart.

“So you the two of you made it out.”

“I made it out.” She corrected him closing her eyes and clenching her hands into fists.

“I’m sorry,” a look a sadness crossed the dwarf’s broad face. “Pelham was a good man and a hell of an armorer.” She was alone, Varric realized. He remembered her father mentioning that her mother had died several years ago. “Are you…”

“I’m fine!” She cut him off suddenly. “Just leave me… I’m fine.”

Thalia spun on her heel and without another word, fled towards her room. She didn’t want to talk about her father. Why did people always want to talk about the dead? Why couldn’t they leave them alone and leave those they left behind in peace.

“Andraste’s Ass!” Varric swore angrily. He could have handled that better. It was obvious she was still in a lot of pain over the loss of her father.

“Do you know her?”

He glanced up at Cullen with a grimace. “Not really. I knew her father. I saw her around his shop a few times.”

Cullen watched her flee across the bailey. He trusted Varric and if the dwarf said he knew of her in Haven then that was a good start in settling his concerns.

“We have a lot of new faces starting to pour in here. Are you going to check out every one of them?”

“It’s not a bad idea.” Cullen shrugged. “My job is not only to lead the army, but to keep the Inquisitor safe.”

“That job would belong to all of us. Trust us to do it.”

Cullen looked back at Varric. He was right. It was all of their jobs to look out for her, he was just used to shouldering it all himself. He always tried to take on way more responsibility that was required of him. “You’re right, I’m sorry.” He said. “I’ll leave that to you and the others then.”

“You know, Curly, you should come join us at the tavern some. You could stand to relax a bit.”

“You’re probably right.” Cullen chuckled. “I might do that one evening.” He waved at Varric as he walked off towards his quarters.

Varric chuckled under his breath and shook his head. Everyone here had been so uptight, and with good reason, but with a few successful missions behind them they were finally starting to loosen up a bit. Not that he thought they should not take all of this seriously, but they needed to get back to the task of living while they sorted this mess out.

Speaking of living, Varric turned and headed towards the tavern, The Herald’s Rest. They had recruited a Qunari warrior on the storm coast and now that he was settled in with them, Varric intended to see which one could drink the other under the table.

______________________________

 

Thalia found Varric the next evening at The Herald’s Rest, some careful inquiries telling her that he preferred to either spend his time there or in the great hall. He was currently sitting at a table with a Qunari warrior, a great beast of a horned man, the two of them talking over mugs of ale. She took a deep break and pushing down her nervousness, made her way across the crowded room to them.

“I owe you an apology.”

Varric looked up at her in surprise. “What?”

“Yesterday,” She gestured helplessly, “was rude of me and I’m sorry.”

“You weren’t rude. It’s perfectly understandable to be upset and I was insensitive.” Varric leaned over and pulled a chair out beside him. “Sit. Have a drink with us.”

“I ah… don’t drink.” She cast a glance at the Qunari.

He truly was a huge man, standing probably close to eight-foot-tall, with a massive set of horns flaring out from his head. His face was scarred and rough with a black patch over one eye. His visible eye was steel blue and, despite the reputation of the Qunari, she could see a hint of kindness in it. His shoulders were broad and muscled and he wore no shirt. Scars riddled his skin, speaking of the hard life of a warrior. This was a man who had fought and fought hard during his life.

“You don’t need to drink. At least have a bite to eat; you look like you could use it.” Varric noticed her gaze and chuckled. “Don’t worry about Tiny. He’s friendly enough. He only looks like he might bite.”

“I would if I’m asked to.” The Qunari rumbled into his ale.

“Excuse me?” Thalia blinked at him as she sat down beside the dwarf.

“Never mind,” He gave her an amused look.

He introduced himself as The Iron Bull, but told her that she could call him, Bull, if she wished. It seemed that everyone else did. When she commented that was an unusual name he explained that among the Qun, there were no names. They were known by what they did for a job. When he’d been sent to Ferelden to keep an eye on the Inquisition, he’d taken the name for himself. It just seemed easier that way.

She turned down the offer of ale; she’d had the stuff before and didn’t care for its bitter taste. Varric considered this for a moment and requested the barmaid bring her a mug of mead instead. When she tried to protest he insisted that she try it. When it can she sipped warily at the golden brew and was pleasantly surprised. It didn’t have to bitter taste of the ale that most people seemed to prefer, instead carrying a sweet, almost honey taste to it.

“Eat.” Bull handed her a plate of bread and cheese. “Even for a human you are too skinny.”

She didn’t try to explain to them that it was because she hadn’t had an appetite, instead choosing to nibble politely at the food. She found herself relaxing while she listened to Bull and Varric talk back and forth about the various members of the Inquisition and what they thought of them. She discovered that for the most part they thought quite highly of the others. A couple of them though, an elven mage by the name of Solas, and a Tevinter mage named Dorian, they felt were cause for suspicion.

Solas because no one seemed to know anything about him or his background, nor was he willing to share. Dorian because, well because he was from the Tevinter Imperium. A race of people ruled by mages and as much into conquering the other countries as the Qunari were. The only thing that kept Tevinter from trying to advance southward and reclaim Ferelden, which used to be theirs, was they were too busy holding the Qunari at bay in the North.

Thalia stiffened slightly when Bull inquired about Haven. “If you’ll excuse me,” she pushed away from the table and stood up. “I really should be going.”

Varric nodded, understanding in his eyes. “We’re here most evenings if we’re not on a mission. Feel free to join us anytime.”

She gave him a tight smile. “Thank you, Varric. I may do that.”

“Pretty girl.” Bull commented as he watched her leave the tavern.

Varric chuckled. “Careful there, Tiny. I’m pretty sure Commander Cullen has his eye on her already. Although, I’m not convinced he realizes it yet.”

“Sad though.”

“She’s lost both of her parents now.” Varric replied.

“In Haven?”

“Her father in Haven. I gather from when I talked to her father that her mother died at Ostagar.”

Though he hadn’t been in Ferelden at the time, Bull remembered hearing of the Battle of Ostagar. It had been the first major battle marking the start of the Fifth Blight and had been a massacre. The Gray Wardens, the only ones that could stand up to the Archdemon were decimated and Ferelden’s King Cailan killed. It was only through the efforts of the two remaining Gray Wardens, one of them Cailan’s bastard half-brother, that the blight had been stopped inside a year. Alistair and Dea had managed to gather the armies and defeat the Archdemon before their entire country was destroyed. In the end, being the last of the Therin line, Alistair married Dea and together they now ruled Ferelden while rebuilding the Gray Warden order.

Bull didn’t comment on his thoughts or knowledge of the brief blight suffered by Ferelden; instead turning his thoughts to Varric’s other comment. “The Commander, huh?” He chuckled as he took a drink. “She know that?”

“ _He_ doesn’t even know it.” Varric shrugged. “It’s just, I saw how he watched her the other day and it was more than just simple curiosity.”

“Well then, this could be entertaining.”

Outside in the bailey, night had fallen and with it the cold of night. The area was mostly deserted save the few guards patrolling the battlements. Thalia wrapped her arms around herself and hurried across the bailey towards her room, fighting down her rising apprehension.

“It’s not a good idea to be wandering around out here at night.”

She jumped, her breath catching in her throat as Cullen fell into step beside her. She hadn’t heard him approaching.

“Though I’d like to think I have control over my own people, there have been a lot of strange faces around here lately. It’s not the best idea for a young woman to be wandering around alone at night.” He gave a sideways glance at her pale, drawn face. “I’ll escort you to your room.”

“Thank you.” Thalia murmured.

She fought a momentary rise of panic at being alone in his company as well, but a reassuring smile from the Commander and she felt the fear slip away. Though they hadn’t spoken much, she had heard a lot about him and knew that he was not the kind to prey on others. This was the man that had kept them safe during their flight from Haven, how could she not trust him?

Cullen noticed her clothing as they walked. She wore a thin blouse and gown, the skirt of which fell to about her ankles. On her feet she had, worn but sturdy boots. Her blouse was tied with a string at the neck and the bodice of the gown was laced up the front. A common enough look, but to struck him that he could almost imagine her in something more serviceable. This was a girl that had grown up in an armory, raised single-handedly by her father. He would have figured she’d be more comfortable in trousers. He also noticed that she appeared cold.

“You should be wearing a cloak of some kind out here in this.” He finally spoke.

“I probably should.” She replied not looking at him. She wasn’t about to admit that she didn’t have one.

They stopped in front of her door and she looked up at him. “Thank you.”

“I admit I’m a bit surprised that Varric let you leave alone.”

“I’m pretty sure Varric was far enough into his ale to not even have realized it.” Thalia murmured.

“Yes, well, that I can definitely see.” Cullen chuckled.

Thalia studied his face, suddenly fascinated with the scar that ran from his cheek and down through the corner of his mouth. His face was kind, there was a haunted look behind his amber eyes that made her want to know him just a little better. What caused that sad almost tortured look that he tried so hard to cover up?

“Right. Well then,” He shifted and rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. “Get some sleep.” For a brief moment he looked as if he wanted to say something else and then thought the better of it. “Good night.”

“Good night,” Thalia opened her door and slipped into her room as she heard the sound of his steps fading away.


	3. Chapter 3

It didn’t take long for Cullen to establish Thalia’s daily pattern. She rose as early as he did most days, making her way to the infirmary where she spent the day helping the sisters. This morning he made sure he rose earlier than usual needing to see to some last minute preparations before the Inquisitor left on a mission to Lake Luthias in The Hinterlands. They’d received a report that there was a lone Grey Warden operating in that area and Lavellan was to try and find him. They were hoping he might hold the clue as to what had happened to the rest of the Grey Wardens. Why they had all disappeared.

He stopped at the stables and made sure that Lavellan and the others would be well supplied with decent mounts for their journey. He’d also assigned a small squad of soldiers to accompany them at least to the Crossroads. From there it would be up to Lavellan, along with Varric, Cassandra, and Solas to either prove or disprove the report.

After leaving the stables he found a spot near Thalia’s room to wait for her, tucking a cloth bundle under his arm as he did so. He found a place where she could see him when she left her room. He knew that she startled easily and would prefer not to frighten her.

He didn’t have long to wait. The sky was just starting to lighten behind the mountain peaks when her door opened and she stepped out into the cool pre-dawn air. She turned away from the door and gave a small smile when she saw him step away from the wall. He noted her pale, drawn features and the dark smudges under haunted eyes. It was a look he recognized all too well from his own glances in the looking glass. It was the look of a person that spent too much of their sleep battling demons.

His heart went out to her. She was so young. He wasn’t old himself, thirty years, but most of that had been spent in service to the Templars. He’d finished his training just before the start of the fifth blight and had been involved in the turmoils in one way or another ever since. It was expected that there would be scars.

Thalia, from what he learned from Varric, was the gently reared daughter of an armor smith. Her father had done all that he could to protect her, but just as was the case with so many, it hadn’t been enough. Now, alone in the world, she silently battled her nightmares; never asking anyone for help.

“Good morning,” He spoke coming to a stop in front of her.

“Commander,” She tilted her head and looked up at him. “Did you need something?”

“Yes… I-uh… mean no…” He groaned inwardly. He never had a problem talking to the soldiers or barking out order, offering advice to the Inquisitor, or even talking to the companions, but standing in front of this girl he was suddenly tongue-tied. “I had this made for you.” He said holding out the bundle to her. “I thought you would like it and with winter coming on…”

She gave him a questioning look as she took the bundle and unfolded it. It was a long coat; she figured it would fall to just below her hips. It was made of a soft warm fabric in dove gray with a hint of lavender to it. The bottom edge, cuffs, and neck were trimmed with silky, black and gray fur, and stamped silver buttons ran up the front. Inside the coat she found a pair of gloves sewn from the same fabric and lined with the same fur.

“This is,” She started to fold the coat back up. “This is too much. I can’t accept this.”

Cullen placed a hand over hers to stop her. “You need a coat for the cold weather and I happen to know that the sisters don’t pay you to work at the infirmary beyond your meals and room. I make a good wage from the Inquisition, I can well afford it. It’s my choice how I wish to spend my coin and I wanted you to have this.”

She looked down at his hand over hers and he quickly withdrew it. “I…” she ran her fingers over the soft material. “Thank you.”

She slipped the coat on and was surprised that it was a perfect fit as she buttoned up the silver buttons. As she thought it fell to just below her hips and almost immediately she could feel the warmth start to sink into her limbs. She glanced up at the Commander in surprise.

He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and gave her a crooked smile. “I’m used to finding uniforms for the soldiers; I’m a pretty good judge of size. I had it made so that you could wear it with your gowns or if you wished to change to trousers for the colder months.” He reached out and straightened the collar a bit, brushing the backs of his fingers along her cheek as he did so. “I knew it was for you as soon as I saw the fabric. It matches your eyes.”

He dropped his hand and stepped back as a look of panic crept into her eyes. He cursed inwardly at the heat in his face, his fair skin always giving away his discomfort. “I didn’t… I mean…”

“Commander, if this is a ploy to try and get closer to me then I’ll return it. I don’t need it that badly.” She said her voice barely above a whisper.

“It’s not! I mean… I would like… ah… Maker’s breath!” Cullen sighed in frustration. “Surely you must realize that there are a dozen men here at any given moment that would like to know you better. I can’t say I haven’t thought of it myself, I’d be crazy not to have. I also know that you don’t seem to notice a single one of them.” He crossed his arms and glanced away from her gaze. “It’s not the reason for the gift. I know you’re alone. I know that the only friends you’ve taken the time to make are Varric, Bull, and the Chargers. I’d like to also think that I might be counted amongst them too. The coat, you needed it. That’s all.”

Thalia shifted uncomfortably. She had noticed and had purposely ignored them. At first it was too soon after Haven; she was too deep in her mourning. More recently it was for her own reasons, none of which she really wished to share.

She finally replied, carefully choosing her words. “I apologize for jumping to conclusions. I’m aware of the opinions of some of the men here, but I have no intentions of ever becoming involved with anyone. Certain… circumstances… make it unwise for me to do so. If you can accept that, then yes, I consider you a friend.” She looked up at the brightening sky. “I really should go. Thank you again for this.” She smoothed her hands over the coat with a small smile before walking past him.

Cullen turned and watched her walk away with a frown. He couldn’t deny attraction, to do so would be lying. If she wasn’t interested, he respected that. It seemed, though, that she had consciously decided to deny herself any involvement, regardless of how she felt. What sort of circumstances would cause a young woman to do such a thing?

He could only think of one reason and he prayed to the Maker and the Holy Andraste that wasn’t it. To think on top of everything else, she might have suffered any abuse at the hands of a man was enough to leave him chilled through.


	4. Chapter 4

“You should come to the tavern.”

Thalia looked up at Bull as he came to a stop in front of the bench where she was sitting. “I should?”

He shrugged. “The Chargers like you, so do I.” He studied her pale face. “You spend too much time tending to the sick and injured and not enough time on yourself. You need to be around other people. It’s not good for you to be alone so much.”

Thalia raised an eyebrow at the large man. “I’m not alone.”

“Locked in with sick and wounded people, and a bunch of chanting sisters, is _not_ being around other people. You need to relax, laugh a little.”

“I didn’t realize you had such a dull view of the Chantry.”

“Who wouldn’t after seeing the destruction caused by the Templar-Mage conflict? The Chantry could have stepped in to stop it and they didn’t. The Seekers could have stopped it and instead they led the Templar charge against the Mages. I have no use for either of them.”

“And the Templars and Mages?”

“Both sides were right and wrong, and they could have found a better way to resolve it. Luckily for everyone the Inquisition stepped in and shut them both down.” Bull crossed his arms, “And that isn’t why I’m here. You don’t have to only come when Varric is around. You have other friends there.”

Thalia sighed and stood up. She tucked the basket of herbs; she’d been working on, under her arm and looked up at him. “All right, I’ll come by later.”

“Good girl.” He patted her on the head with a grin before walking away.

Thalia returned the basket of elfroot to the sisters in the infirmary and made sure that she wasn’t needed for anything else before she set out to meet Bull at The Herald’s Rest.

“You know; it wouldn’t be good for me to be seen here too often.” Thalia said as she sat at the table beside Bull and his Lieutenant, Krem, pressed a mug of mead into her hand.

“Why is that?” The large man rumbled, raising an eyebrow, “plenty of fine people here.”

“And not a one of them are a sister or brother from the Chantry.”

“Well, you aren’t one of those either.” Bull sat his mug down and looked at her in surprise. “Surely you wouldn’t consider…”

“No,” She took a sip of the honeyed drink. “It’s just; I work so closely with them.”

“Just because you work for them, doesn’t mean you have to be like them. Besides, whatever would our good Commander do if you were to join the sisters?”

“I fail to see how Coman-“ Thalia jumped as a hand came down on her shoulder. She turned and looked up into an ornately masked face.

“Excuse me for interrupting. I am Paxton Curd, from Tevinter. I just wished to tell you that if you are looking for company, I am free. There’s no need for a beautiful and refined woman, such as yourself, to be sharing your company with this… animal.” He gestured towards Bull.

She saw the Qunari tense and his good eye narrow as he watched the man silently.  Around the table the members of Bull’s mercenary group, The Chargers, had also fallen silent; their drinks forgotten. She brushed Paxton’s hand from her shoulder and stood up to face him.

“I’m sorry, I’m afraid you’ve been mistaken.” She said quietly. “My birth is no better than any of theirs. Therefore, I’d be unsuitable company for you.” She glanced back at the Chargers and smiled at Paxton. “Besides, these people are my friends. This _man_ ,” She laid a hand on Bull’s shoulder, feeling the rock hard muscles twitch under his skin, “is my _friend_ and I will not stand for you to speak about or to him in such a manner.”

“You would defend a Qunari beast?!” He stared at her incredulously. “Their _people_ are no more than animals, killing their way across the lands.”

“Shows how much you know,” She snorted. “I’d suggest you leave.”

Behind him Thalia saw the bartender come out from behind the counter and a couple others in the bar join him.

Paxton looked around and saw the same and stepped back from her with a sneer. “You’ll regret this.” He spun around on his heel and stalked from the Tavern in a rage.

There was a momentary silence as she turned around on shaking legs and sank back into her chair. As she looked up at the Chargers the group burst into loud talk; making fun of the Tevinter and talking about her standing up to him.

Bull laughed as he patted her on the back. “Nice! That’s the fire I knew you had in there somewhere. Though I don’t need you to stand up for me, it was entertaining to watch.”

“I’m glad to have provided amusement.” Thalia took another deep breath to steady her shaking nerves.

“No, no. I just knew that you had spirit. It was nice to finally see it.”

She was dizzy and felt cold all over; her heart was pounding frantically in her chest. It took more out of her than he realized to stand up to that man. Used to be she’d do that and not think twice about it. Her father used to look at her proudly and say that she was born with her mother’s warrior spirit.

That spirit had been broken by the cruelty of others, though. Abuse at the hands of someone she admired and trusted had killed it. She had withdrawn into herself after that and did all she could to not draw attention to herself. She never argued with people, instead preferring to stay out of the way. The attack on Haven had just made that worse; her nervousness now plagued with nightmares and constant terror.

“Hey, you all right?” Bull leaned over and looked into her pale face.

“What… oh… yes…” She stammered as Krem pressed another cup into her hand. She sniffed at the liquid and raised a questioning brow at the man.

“Don’t think. Just drink it fast.” He urged.

“Krem…” Bull said warningly.

Before the large man could stop her she tipped the cup and downed it. She slammed the cup back down on the table, coughing violently. “What in the Maker’s name is that?!?! Lamp oil???” She sputtered as it burned its way to her stomach.

“Nevarran whiskey.” The group’s surgeon, Stitches, remarked dryly. “Might just as well be lamp oil.”

“Second one is always easier,” Krem commented pouring more into Thalia’s cup.

She drank two more with them and the group, well into their own cups, declared her an honorary member of The Chargers. She wasn’t sure how she felt about being a sort of mascot for the rough and tumble group, but she did genuinely like them. These were people that didn’t care what a person’s bloodlines or background was; they accepted a person on their merits alone. Your past didn’t matter, only what you were now.

“I… should go…” She finally said slowly, having trouble forming her tongue around the words.

“Ah… whoops!” Bull reached out and caught her with one big hand as she stood up and stumbled. He stood and swept her into his arms. “You’ll never make it back to your room.” He said with a chuckle amidst the hoots of his men.

“I can… walk… fine…” Thalia tried to climb out of his arms.

“Cursed girl, stop wiggling! You’re drunk. You can’t even stand proper.”

“I’m… sorry…” She went still and leaned against his broad chest as he walked out of the tavern with her. His warmth caused her to burrow closer to him as the cold night air hit her. “Bull…?”

“Hmmm?”

“Did you know that Krem was a girl?”

His body shook with suppressed laughter. “I wouldn’t suggest you tell him that.”

“If he doesn’t know, I won’t tell him.” She said quietly, leaning her head against the Qunari’s shoulder.

“Bull?” Cullen’s eyes fell on Thalia in Bull’s arms as he stepped off the staircase to the great hall. “What happened? Is she all right?”

“I’m fine!” Thalia looked down at the Commander. “I...” She looked back at Bull in confusion, a frown crossing her face.

Cullen blinked at the pair of them realization dawning on his features. “Bull…” He advanced angrily. “Is she…”

“She stood up to a Vint in the tavern. Krem gave her whiskey to celebrate.” The large Qunari explained hastily as he backed up from the angry man.

“And you let him!?”

“Hey, she’s a grown woman. Like I’m going to tell her she can’t!”

“Krem or Thalia?”

“Either one of them!”

“If you two are going to stand here and fight, then let me down! I’ll find my own way back to my room!”

Bull sighed and set Thalia on her feet, where she stood swaying unsteadily trying to decide which way her room was.

“Look Commander. You could solve a bit of a dilemma here. Not that I mind watching after the girl, but I have a bit of reputation. If I take her back to her room, well…”

Cullen arched an eyebrow. “You. Wouldn’t. Dare.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake! What do you take me for? It’s what others would think happened.”

“And you don’t think they’d come to the same conclusion if I took her back?”

“You’re not the type.” Bull rumbled as he turned back towards the tavern. “Be careful with her, she wiggles.” He threw a wave over his shoulder his voice shaking with laughter.

“Bull….” Cullen started and then looked back to Thalia. “Maker’s breath, you could do better than hang out with that group.”

“I like them. They’re good men.” She crossed her arms stubbornly. “They don’t ask questions. They accept people for who they are now.”

“What are you… seventeen… eighteen? What could you possibly have done that you need to feel that way?”

“I’m twenty! You. Know. Nothing. About. Me.” Thalia said angrily, blinking back sudden tears.

She stared at him for a moment before she spun around and started across the bailey towards her room. She only made it a few steps before she tripped. Cullen slipped an arm around her waist and held her on her feet.

“Let me help.” He said, his anger gone.

He had no right to question her feelings. It had always been obvious that she harbored scars that went beyond the events at Haven. There were so many of them there that had lived hard lives. With the blight and the mage uprising, so many people had been forced to commit acts that haunted them still. He was a perfect example of that.

She protested weakly as he picked her up as if she weighed nothing. He ignored her arguments as he carried her across the bailey to her room. By the time he got there she had relaxed against his chest, her head tucked against the side of his neck and one arm slung carelessly over his shoulder. She was half asleep when he reached her door and he managed to pull the latch and let himself in.

He spoke her name quietly as he set her carefully on her feet. “We’re here.”

“Hmm.”

“I’ll put some wood on the fire before I go.”

Instead of moving away, Thalia leaned against him and touched her fingertips to the scar on his face. “Has anyone ever told you how handsome you are?” She murmured sleepily.

“Ah… Thalia… this…” His breath caught as her fingers traced lightly over his lip. “This is not…” He caught her hand and stepped back from her.

She looked down to where he held her wrist in his hand and an expression of deep sadness crossed her face. “I wish we… that I…” She took a deep breath and pulled her hand away. “I can tend the fire. Thank you for bringing me here.” She turned her back to him.

 “Thalia…”

“Please. Go.”

He gazed at her back, seeing the slight tremble in her shoulders as she remained silent. He had to fight the urge to draw her into his arms and comfort her. He would do anything to erase the anguish that seemed to be tearing her apart.

“Maker’s breath! I’m bad at this.” He laid a hand on her shoulder, feeling her tense at his touch. “I’ll go, but if you ever want to talk…”

“I don’t.”

She kept her back to him so that he wouldn’t see the tears in her eyes as she heard him cross the floor and close the door quietly.


	5. Chapter 5

The Inquisitor returned in the night with little fanfare. Thalia overheard people talking outside the infirmary the morning after. They said that she hadn’t found any information on what had happened to the Grey Wardens, why they all went missing, but she had located the one she’d been searching for and she’d brought him back with her.

She wondered if at least having one was enough. If Corypheus did have an Archdemon, was one Warden enough to take it down? The people didn’t seem to think so. The Grey Wardens were created for the purpose of fighting darkspawn. They possessed the unique ability to be the only ones that could destroy an Archdemon and the people at Skyhold seemed to think that they would need many more. Inquisitor Lavellan and her people would continue to search for the answer to where they had disappeared to.

“So, Kitten, I hear you had an interesting night while I was gone.”

Thalia set a vial of tincture on the infirmary shelf and turned to look down at Varric. “Bull has a big mouth.”

He chuckled and she realized he was holding one arm close to his body. He saw her look and did a half shrug. “Got on the wrong side of a bandit on the way back; Cassandra insisted that I come get patched up.”

“Sit.” She waved at a bench behind him. “How bad?”

“Probably need a stitch or two.” He winced as he sat down.

“And of course you just had to stop at the tavern before coming here.”

“I needed a drink.”

Thalia sat beside him and helped him carefully peel off his tunic. She unwound strips of cloth tied around his shoulder to hold a bandage in place. Underneath the bandage was soaked through and stuck to the back of his shoulder. Varric let out a low hiss when she attempted to lift the edge of the cloth pad.

“I’m going to have to soak it off.” Thalia grabbed a young man passing by and gave him instructions to bring her a basin of hot water and some clean cloths. Meanwhile she moved through the shelves along the wall and pulled down a couple of bottles and a small box, containing curved needles and thread.

Varric looked around and then back at her as she sat back down and set the items on the bench. She pulled the stopper from one and handed to him. “Two small sips; it will help dull the pain while I clean you up and stitch that.”

“I’m fine.” He waved the bottle away. “I’ve gotten worse scratches than this fighting Cassandra.”

“What you are is stubborn.” She resealed the bottle and set it aside.

“They make you a full healer now?”

“The sisters say I learn quickly and know enough to work unsupervised now.” Thalia folded her hands in her lap and looked at them. “They say that there’s something about my touch that soothes people.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “I didn’t take you for a mage.”

“I’m not. I’ve just always been drawn to helping people. This suits me.”

 She accepted a basin of steaming water and a stack of cloths from the young man. Soaking one of the clothes in the water she barely wrung it out and placed it over the bandage on Varric’s shoulder.

“So, you didn’t fare so well in this,” she said as she waited for the water to soak into the bandage. “How’d Bianca do?”

“You know Bianca; she always comes out on top.”

“Someday you are going to tell me the story of her.”

“I doubt it.” He gave her a grin. “Besides, if I did, how would you know if I was telling the truth?”

She lifted the cloth and worked at the edges of the bandage underneath before soaking another cloth and once again laying it over the top, “because it’s me. When you decide to tell me of this Bianca you named your crossbow after, it will be the truth, because it’s me you’re telling.”

“Pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you?”

“I’m getting there.”

The dwarf studied her face for a moment, while she started to carefully lift the soaked bandage from his shoulder. “Good.” He said quietly.

Bull had told him of the altercation at the tavern, the fire he’d seen flare briefly in her. He hoped that she was finally starting to put the events that had dampened that spirit behind her.

“Andraste’s Ashes!” He jerked as she placed her hands on each side of the cut and pressed lightly. “What are you doing, woman?!”

“You have a mild infection.” Thalia said getting up and grabbing another bottle from the shelves. “It needs to be cleaned before I sew it or you’ll eventually lose your arm.” She lifted an eyebrow with a smirk. “And then how would you hold your precious Bianca to you at night?”

He nodded slightly at her and leaned forward, elbows on his knees to allow her a better angle to work. She kept an eye on his face for signs of distress while she cleaned out the wound and started stitching it up. Aside from the beads of sweat on his face and his clenched fists, she would have sworn he didn’t even feel what she was doing. Tying off the last stitch she applied a healing salve and then carefully bandaged his shoulder back up.

“I guess I was wrong.” She wiped her hands off with a clean cloth. “You are used to worse than that.”

“Quite a bit worse.”

She helped him back into his tunic. “You know, one of the mages could close that up for you. Take less time than the stitches.”

“Nah, it’s fine. It’ll remind me to duck faster next time.” He threw over his shoulder as he left. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” She murmured as she started to clean up.

“You’re definitely making some interesting friends.” One of the Chantry sisters stopped beside her. “It might not be the wisest move on your part.”

“I’m sorry?” Thalia straightened up at eyed the woman, Sister Celia; an older woman with a quiet face and hazel eyes.

“People talk. You’re practically a sister of the Chantry in everything but vows. Those men haven’t the best of reputations, it would not reflect well on the Chantry for you to continue your familiarity with them.” The sister picked up the basin of water and dirty cloths. “And the Commander, well… they say you’re just trying to get closer to him in order to better your situation.” She gave a pointed look to the dove gray coat hanging from a peg in the corner.

Thalia sighed. She knew there had been talk; she’d overheard some of it from time to time. She just didn’t care. Varric, Bull, and the Chargers were the first people in a long time that she trusted and felt comfortable around. The Commander flustered and unnerved her, but even so, she trusted him and felt safe in his presence. She was not about to give any of that up because of a few rumors floating around the fortress.

When she didn’t reply, Celia gave her a gentle smile. “Consider what I’ve said.”

After she left Thalia gathered up the rest of the supplies she’d used on Varric and put them away. She said her goodbyes to the others there and left the infirmary. It had been a long day and the sister’s words weighed heavily on her mind. Despite the woman’s assumptions, she had no intention of taking vows to the Chantry. Maybe the others were right and she spent too much time there. She loved working with the sick, but it might be time for her to consider taking a step back.

Movement above caught her eye and she looked up to see the Commander standing on the battlements looking out over the bailey. His easy posture, one hand resting on his sword pommel, wasn’t enough to cover up the tension and fatigue in his face. She hadn’t seen him since the night Krem had given her the whiskey and had been somewhat glad of that. She had been embarrassed by her actions and didn’t wish to talk to him about what she’d said. He’d been on her mind since then; the realization that she was attracted to him mixed with the pain of knowing nothing could ever come of it. If he found out about her, he would turn his back on her just as others had and she wasn’t sure she could stand his rejection. Better to just keep her feelings to herself and at least to be able to keep him close as a friend.

Cullen seemed to sense her watching him and glanced down at her, a small smile crossing his lips as he lifted a hand in a slight wave. She waved back a greeting noting that his features were more tense than usual. She wondered if something was going on with the Inquisition that was causing him worry. She toyed for a moment with the idea of joining him and seeing if he needed to talk, but thought the better of it. She was sure there were people he trusted much more than he did her. Besides, she wasn’t privy to the inner workings of the Inquisition’s missions and such, it would probably be something he wouldn’t be able to discuss with her. Better to just go on her way and hope that things were all right. For the moment, she had concerns of her own that she needed to sort out.

Cullen kept an eye on Thalia until she disappeared into her room before he turned towards his own quarters. He’d completed a final check of the guards on the battlements before seeking his own bed. He considered speaking to her, but something in her eyes told him she didn’t wish to talk. Truth be told, he wasn’t much in the mood himself. He’d not slept well the last few days. The pressure he put on himself to serve the Inquisitor, the best he could, brought back the demons of his nightmares in full force at times. He didn’t often worry about the many people whose lives depended on them, instead choosing to focus as fully on his work as he could. Sometimes, though, it became glaringly obvious and he could feel the weight of everyone’s expectations weighing down on their shoulders.

Maybe it was a good thing that Thalia seemed so unobtainable. Maybe later on, if they all survived this, he could change her mind, but this wasn’t the time for it.

With a shake of his head, he rubbed a hand across the back of his neck and turned towards the tower room that held his office and his bed.


	6. Chapter 6

Thalia woke, not more than a couple hours after she’d fallen asleep, paralyzed by her fear. Blinking back tears, she stared at the flicker of shadows on the ceiling cast from the fireplace as she tried to will her body to stop shaking and move. Her limbs felt ice cold, but she could feel the trickle of sweat run down the side of her forehead as she managed to force herself to sit up.

It was usually the same dream, the attack at Haven and the loss of her father. Sometimes, though, the dreams turned even darker. Demons and abominations dogged her every step and she saw the people she’d come to care about here at Skyhold die because of her inability to act. Sometimes the demons invaded her very being and _she_ became the horror that took their lives. She determined the change in her dreams came from hearing too many stories around Skyhold about demons, abominations, and undead.

She climbed from her bed on shaky limbs, and reached for her clothes. The air in the room felt heavy and she found she was struggling to draw a breath in the heat thrown by the fireplace. She needed to get some air.  She pulled the blouse and gown on over her shift and quickly tied the laces, and then grabbed her coat before slipping her feet into her boots.

Throwing open her door she took a deep breath of the night air, the cold biting into her exposed skin and reminding her that she was still alive; she was not one of those awful creatures she dreamed about. Thalia didn’t intend to go far from her door, she just needed to be outside.  She leaned heavily against the wall by her door and took deep breaths of the cold air, feeling her body start to steady. She brushed her loose black hair from her eyes and pushed away from the wall pacing back and forth in front of her door. No matter how tired she was, she didn’t want to go back to sleep. The dreams would just come again.

She was trying to decide whether to go to the infirmary or maybe one of her rare forays into the great hall when a noise on the wall above her caught her ear. Besides the patrolling guards, there usually wasn’t anyone on the walls at this time of night. She was hesitant to venture up on the battlements, though the Commander reassured her that his soldiers wouldn’t harm her, she was never quite sure if it was truly safe. Whoever it was sounded as if they were in pain. What if they were injured? Needed help? A look of determination crossed her face and she started up the stairs before she could change her mind.

“Commander?”

He was standing back to her, his body rigid as he stared out into the darkness. He wasn’t in his customary armor instead wearing just a loose, light-colored shirt, untucked and the laces untied at the neck, his usual dark red-brown leather trousers and boots. He gripped the stone edge of the wall so tight that his knuckles were stark white. A light wind came up suddenly and blew through his disheveled blond hair and still he didn’t move.

She recognized the look of a person in severe emotional distress. She could see it in the haggard lines of his face and the grim set of his jaw. He stared straight ahead, oblivious of her presence. He was still lost in the resonance of his own nightmares, the rest of the world around him was irrelevant right now.

“Cullen…” She called his name softly and gently laid a hand on his arm.

He jerked under her hand and took a sudden step backwards. “Thalia…” He blinked at her in confusion for a moment. “Are you… is everything all right?”

“I think I should be asking you that.” She kept her hand on his arm, feeling the slight tremors that ran underneath his skin. “Are _you_ okay?”

“I…” He sighed and seemed to collect his thoughts about him. “I’m fine.”

Just as he said that she felt him tense suddenly under her hand. He made a low noise and stepped back, sagging against the stone.

“You’re not.” She came around to stand in front of him, watching the pain tighten his features. “Do you need me to fetch one of the healers?”

He shook his head, his breathing harsh. “It’ll pass. It always does.” He insisted through clenched teeth.

“What does?” She crossed her arms in front of her, her gray eyes studying his face.

“It’s nothing you need to worry about.” He refused to meet her gaze.

“Comman… Cullen, I thought we were friends. Let me help you.”

“This isn’t your burden to bear. It’s mine. You…” Another wave of pain crossed his face. “Have enough on your own.”

“It helps me to help others. I find my strength there. Please, Cullen, whatever this is I can see it tearing you apart. I beg of you, don’t do this alone. If not me, then someone. Talk to the Inquisitor, I know you two are good friends; or Cassandra. Talk to _someone_.” She reached out and touched his cheek and his amber gaze flitted to her face. “I’ll get whoever you wish me to.”

 “They know. They don’t know everything, but they don’t know it’s this difficult.”

Thalia took his hand and pulled him forward, turning and tucked herself under his arm. “Come. Before we both freeze to death. I’m strong. You can lean on me.”

“This wouldn’t look good.” He protested weakly.

“It would seem that nothing I do does.” She thought of her earlier conversation with Sister Celia. “This is more important.”

He let her help him to his tower room, trying his best not to lean too heavily on her. Strong or not, to him she was delicate and he was concerned he would overburden her or hurt her. Inside his office area she eased him into the chair behind his desk. He leaned forward on the desk, his hands across his forehead and she could see the tremors still wracking his body. She found two mugs on a shelf behind him and grabbed the bottle sitting on the side of the desk. Pulling the stopper out she took a sniff and made a face before pouring a bit of the dark wine into the mugs.

“Here. Drink.” She slid the cup across the desk.

He raised his head and looked dismally at it before picking it up and draining it. She poured a bit more into his cup and then realizing there was no other chair in the room, she sat on the edge of the desk, her legs dangling down beside him.

They sat in silence for quite a while before he finally took a shaky breath and leaned back, looking up at her.

“Did you know I was a Templar before I joined the Inquisition?”

She nodded. “Cassandra recruited you from them in Kirkwall right after the mage uprising.”

“Hm. Yes.” He took a drink and set the cup down, trying to gather his thoughts.

A sudden realization came over her. “Cullen… is this because of the lyrium?”

She’d treated Templars at the infirmary. She knew about lyrium; that it was a mineral deadly in its raw form. It was mined and processed by the dwarves, who were resistant its effects, and the processed dust was used in various potions. Mages used it to increase their magic. Templars used it to grant them abilities that allowed them to fight back against the mages when needed. She also found out, from treating the Templars, that lyrium was highly addictive to them. Long term use usually resulted in memory loss and paranoia, among other symptoms. Withdrawal from the substance was unbearably painful and could be fatal.

She knew that the Inquisition had procured a steady supply of lyrium for the Templars at Skyhold. She had had to obtain some of it from them for her patients. So, why wouldn’t the Commander be taking it? She couldn’t imagine putting oneself through such agony willingly.

“Why?” She asked when he didn’t answer.

“I can’t… be a part of that anymore.” He replied in a tight voice. “Not after what that life did to me.”

“Do the others know about this?”

“Cassandra and the Inquisitor do, and now you. I feel no need for the others to be involved.”

She leaned over and placed her hand over his on the desk, noting how cold his hand was, another symptom of the withdrawal. “Then _talk_ to me.”

“It’s not as bad as it was.” He sighed. “My nightmares, the memories, never leave me, but the pain is less frequent.”

Without thinking he turned his hand and twined his fingers with hers. Her first instinct was to snatch her hand back, his touch turning from comfort to something more intimate, but she felt that he needed the contact and she forced herself to remain still. She remembered what the sisters had said about her touch soothing people and wondered if even this small bit of contact was having that effect on him. He did seem to be steadier, some of the warmth creeping back into his fingers.

“At first the pain was incessant, nearly unbearable. I thought I would lose my mind; maybe I even did for a while.”

He sat thinking for a few moments and then let go of her hand. He got up and walked over to stare out the window behind his desk. Slowly and haltingly he told her of what happened to him. The fall of Ferelden’s Circle of Magi. He watched his friends die as demons tortured him, trying to break his mind, but somehow he managed to stand against them. He lost a part of himself, though. His hatred of mages after that made him unsuitable to serve with most circles, so he was sent to Kirkwall where the situation called for a heavier hand from the Templars. He trusted his Knight-Commander in Kirkwall, possibly even idealized her. She had turned out to be insane, the effects of exposure to the red lyrium. He had finally seen this and stood against her with the Champion of Kirkwall, Hawke, when the mages rebelled. He had fought against his fellow Templars, but he had not been able to stem the flood of innocent deaths that came from the mage uprising.

He was leading the remaining Templars trying to gain control of Kirkwall again when Cassandra had found him and recruited him. He walked away from the Templar Order, his faith in them, and himself, broken, and stopped taking the lyrium that gave them their abilities.

He flexed his hand in front of his face and then turned to her. “I committed brutal acts in the name of the Templars, fueled by my own hatred. I can’t be a part of that, never again. That includes taking the lyrium.”

“You work so closely with the mages here. I never would have suspected…” Thalia murmured.

“I’m not the same person I was in Kirkwall either. Sometimes I don’t know what I am anymore. I feel as if I’ve lost part of myself along the way, but no, I don’t bear the same hatred that I once did.”

Thalia slipped off the desk and walked over to stand in front of him. She searched his face for a moment before placing a hand on his crossed across his chest. His hands were warm again, the shaking seemed to have stopped. He appeared to, once again, be in control of himself.

 “You must be exhausted.” He frowned at her.

“I’m fine. I don’t really sleep, remember?”

He gave her a small smile. He didn’t either and she well knew it. They were always running into each other in the bailey at the oddest times.

“Will you be all right?”

“I think I will.” He seemed a bit surprised by his own statement.

“I’ll leave you to try to get some rest before you have to start your day.” She turned towards the door. “If you need to talk or just need the company to help you through this, find me.”

“Thalia…” He suddenly reached out and caught her by the arm.

Before she could think what he was doing he pulled her into his arms, burying his face against her hair. “Thank you.” He whispered against her hair.

Sweat and wine, mixed with the lighter scent of soap and spices surrounded her as she fought the urge to push him away and flee. She recognized that he was vulnerable; he needed the contact and she was hesitant to push him away. As the warmth of his body started to seep into hers she found herself relaxing against him, her arms slipping around his waist to hold him back. She hadn’t allowed another person touch her, besides her father, in a long time, but this suddenly felt like it was supposed to be.

Cullen took a deep breath and released her, stepping back. “I… I’m sorry. I don’t… ah…”

She wrapped her arms around her middle and gave him a small smile. “It’s all right.” Her eyes flickered away from his face, her skin growing warm. “I… I didn’t mind.”

At least not as much as she thought she would. There was fear; fear of letting another person in, of him finding out her secrets, but hadn’t he just trusted her with one of his own? She wanted to tell him about herself, but his friendship meant so much to her that she didn’t dare. She couldn’t stand to see him turn from her in disgust.

“I should go.” She murmured, avoiding the question in his amber gaze. “Good night, Cullen.”

He wordlessly watched the closed door for a moment, before turning towards the ladder that led up to the small loft and his bed. Rubbing a hand along the back of his neck, he tried to figure out what he should do about his growing feelings for the black haired girl. She seemed perfectly approachable one moment and then cold and distant the next.

He had talked to Thalia of things he hadn’t spoken of to anyone and she hadn’t batted an eyelash. Just what had happened to her?


	7. Chapter 7

Cullen was returning to his office from a meeting at the war table with the Inquisitor when he decided to speak with Thalia first. He had some reports to go over, but they could wait a short time longer. He expected to find her in the infirmary and was surprised when one of the sisters told him with a disapproving look that she had left early. After some inquiries he finally found her sitting on a bench in the courtyard garden reading a book.

He stopped for a moment and leaned against a stone pillar while he watched her. Even in this setting, for all its peacefulness he could see the tension in the lines of her body. She held herself just so, as if ready to spring to her feet at the slightest provocation. Immersed in her book, she was also mindful of any person who came too close to her bench.

She wore her hair down for a change, the waves tumbling around her shoulders in a riot of black waves. Her gray eyes were intent as they skimmed over the words in the book, as if she were trying to absorb whatever she was reading by sheer force of will. She wore her usual gown and boots and he was proud to see she wore the dove gray coat he’d given her.

Suddenly she closed the book. “Did you need something, Commander?” She looked over at him; eyebrow raised in question.

“I… uh… yes.” He walked over to her. “I didn’t want to interrupt your reading, but I was wondering if you had a few minutes to spare?” So they were back to Commander again?

“Of course,” She stood and tucked the small book into the pocket of her coat. “Are you all right? Do you need something?” Her concern was evident on her face.

“No, no; I just wanted to speak with you for a moment.” He was aware of several people watching them with interest. “Not here, if you don’t mind.”

She followed him from the garden and up the closest stairs to the battlements. They stopped at one of the tower doors and he unlocked it, guiding her through the debris laden room to the door on the other side. The wall on that side was still in disrepair, part of it had crumbled down the mountainside. They kept the tower door locked to keep people out and from getting hurt and he saw no need to have the guards patrol that side. It was here he went a lot of the time when he needed time alone to think, or battle his demons.

“I see you decided to make use of the library.” He said as they walked a little way out onto the wall.

“What? Oh, yes.” Thalia touched the book in her pocket. “I asked Varric about books on herbs and he sent me there.”

“Studying your healing?”

She nodded quietly as they stopped and she turned to look out over the mountains. She wasn’t about to tell him that she was looking for anything she could find that would help him with his lyrium withdrawal. Not yet; not until she found something.

Cullen leaned on the wall and took a deep breath of the cool mountain air. He looked more relaxed than he had been in a couple days and for that she was grateful. He never completely relaxed, but whatever he could get would be good for him. It meant that for that moment the pain was being held at bay.

“I wanted to thank you.” He straightened up and turned to her, “for the other night.”

“I believe you already did that.” Thalia didn’t really wish to talk about the embrace, but she wasn’t sure how much he even remembered.

He chuckled. “I guess I did. Well, thank you again.”

“Are you feeling better?”

“I am.” He smiled at her. “It’s not that bad very often anymore, but now and then it sneaks up on me.”

“If you ever need,” Her eyes met his for a brief moment and then flickered away. “You know how to find me. No matter what the time.”

“That means more than you know,” He laid a hand on her arm, noting the stiffening of her muscles. “I wish… I mean… I’d like to return the favor as best I can.”

Thalia remained silent, staring stiffly away from him.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He withdrew his hand and rubbed the back of his neck. “Maker’s breath it seems I offend you at every turn. I won’t pry. I just wanted you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to.”

“Thank you.” Thalia murmured as she stepped away from the wall. She took a deep breath and her gaze met his. “You don’t offend me. You’ve never offended me. There are just parts of me that I’m unwilling to share.”

“And those are the things that trouble you the most.”

“They are, but I have learned to live with them.”

He reached out and touched her cheek with the backs of his gloved fingers, the leather sliding softly across her smooth skin. “You mean to shut yourself forever away from those who would care for you?”

Too close; he was too close. A tremor rippled through her body and she wasn’t sure if it was terror of him finding her out or pleasure at his touch; or both. She caught her breath and closed her eyes for a brief moment before she opened them again and met his steady amber gaze.

“I can’t.” She said shakily. “I should go.” She stepped back from him until her back hit the tower door. “I’m sorry.”

She turned and fled through the door leaving Cullen watching after her. He knew not to give chase, to do so would just make things worse. He’d seen a glimmer of something besides fear in her face and that small bit gave him hope that she might eventually open up to him after all.

He left the tower, careful to lock the door behind him, and headed towards his office. He was just passing the stairs to the bailey when a terrified shriek sounded from below. Hand on his sword he raced down the steps to find out what was happening.

On the landing, halfway down, he found a man had Thalia pushed face first into the stone wall, her arm twisted hard up behind her back. A young woman sat on the top step of the landing, her face bruised and streaked with tears. A quick glance showed him that the girl’s blouse was torn and Thalia, despite her situation, was furious. Her attacker held her arm with one hand and the other was twisted in her hair as he held her against the wall, his face a mask of rage.

“What in the name of the Maker is going on here!” Cullen roared, his sword sliding smoothly from its sheath.

The man shoved Thalia away and she stumbled to her knees near the young woman, from where he was Cullen could see the darkening bruise on her cheek, blood trickled down the side of her face where it had been scraped by the rough stones of the wall. She was cradling her arm to her as she knelt beside the girl, her gray eyes sparking in anger. He saw fear there also; whether it was for him or for herself he couldn’t say.

His stony gaze snapped around as the man pulled a dagger and started to approach him. He was brought up short as the flick of Cullen’s wrist brought the tip of his sword to rest under his chin, biting lightly into his skin and drawing a trickle of blood.

“Explain yourself.” Cullen said in a dead even voice, keeping a steely grip on his own rage.

He heard the sound of footsteps behind him and out of the corner of his eye saw Varric and the Tevinter mage, Dorian, rush onto the landing. Dorian knelt in front of the girls to check them, but Cullen could feel the crackle of the mage’s electrical magic lurking just beneath his calm surface. Behind Cullen, Varric stood braced with his crossbow trained on the man, his face grim.

“These girls think to tease me!” The man spat angrily, “and then when I finally give chase they cry that they’ve been abused! I believe these… _whores_ … meant to get me alone and relieve me of what coin…”

“He lies!” Thalia cried struggling back to her feet. Dorian kept one hand out, ready to catch her if she stumbled. “This man is Paxton Curd, he’s the man that accosted me in the tavern! He was attempting to force himself on her when I found them!”

“And in broad daylight,” Varric muttered.

“A woman that gives herself to a Qunari animal would say…”

“Shut. Up.” Cullen growled and leaned on his sword just enough to sink the point of the blade into the man’s throat a fraction. “I know this woman and she is not given to lies. I can see what has happened here with my own eyes.” He nodded to a pair of his soldiers that had appeared on the stairs behind Paxton. “Take him to the cells. We’ll deal with him later.”

“Would be easier to just kill him and get it over with.” Varric growled.

Cullen turned to Thalia. She was trembling with fury, her icy gaze never leaving Paxton as the soldiers led him past her. “Are you…?” He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and soothe her anger away, but instead he sheathed his sword and stood before her with his hands at his side.

“I’m fine.” She said, taking a shaky breath. “I just… I can’t stand…”

“I’m pretty sure you’re not fine,” Dorian spoke up. “I’d say your wrist is broken.”

Her attention suddenly snapped to the young mage, obviously another Tevinter. “Who…”

“Thalia, Dorian is a friend. It’s all right. He escaped Haven with us.” Cullen told her gently.

She looked back to the young man, seeing no threat in his concerned face. He was her height, handsome, olive skinned with short dark hair and moustache. She searched his gray eyes and found no sign of deceit, only concern. She took a breath, her shoulders relaxing slightly.

“I believe you’re right,” She said apologetically. “I’m going to need a healer.” The realization of Dorian’s words brought on the pain from the broken wrist and she felt her legs grow unsteady. “I… I may need help.” She was suddenly trembling all over, her teeth chattering lightly, her anger gone. “Iris…”

“I’m all right.” The young girl laid a hand on her shoulder. “He didn’t hurt me. Just a few bruises.”

“You both need to see a healer.”

“I’ll take her.” Iris said. “We can go together.”

Thalia nodded to the woman and turned to take the first step.

Cullen leapt forward and caught her as her legs gave out and she started to pitch forward down the steps. He swept her up into his arms as if she weighed no more than a feather. “I think a little too much excitement has gotten to you.” He murmured gently, holding her to him, mindful of her wrist. “Dorian, Varric; report to the Inquisitor what has happened. I’ll see these two to the infirmary.”

None of them spoke as Cullen carried Thalia across the bailey to the infirmary. He saw both girls into the care of the sisters, requesting that a mage be found to heal the broken bone in Thalia’s wrist. The sister’s told him that it would be a couple of days before she would be completely whole again and there was nothing he could do in the meantime. He saw one of the mage healers leaning over Thalia as he was ushered out the door.

 

“What would you suggest I do?”

Cullen crossed his arms and watched the Inquisitor, Ellana Lavellan, as she sat down and leaned on the table across from him.

“Josephine assures me that he’s not an ambassador, we have received no such people from Tevinter.” Cullen replied. “He’s not under my command or I would have dealt with him already. You have the jurisdiction to deal with such incidents that happen inside your stronghold.”

“But,” She knew her Commander well enough to know he had thoughts on the matter.

“I think you should let Thalia Marchant and Iris Kinslow decide his fate. They are the offended parties.”

She considered his words, her green eyes thoughtful. “I can’t just put him before them in judgement without knowing their minds.”

“I can tell you little about Iris, save that she works at the Tavern. Thalia works with the sisters at the infirmary and I believe she would be of fair mind.” He thought back to the rage he’d seen in Thalia’s eyes and hoped that he wasn’t wrong.

Ellana studied his face for a moment. “This Thalia Marchant; what is she to you?”

“Me? N-Nothing,” Cullen protested in surprise. “She’s a friend, nothing more.”

“You care for her.”

He sighed. “Whether I do or not doesn’t matter. She views me as a friend and nothing else.”

Ellana stood and clapped a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll speak to both girls and then make my decision, either I will let them judge Paxton Curd, or I will do it myself.”

“Thank you, Inquisitor.” Cullen nodded to her as she turned to leave.

“And Cullen,” She looked back at him. “Some are slower to come around. My advice would be to not give up on her, dear friend.”

“I wasn’t intending to.” He gave her a crooked smile. Until that moment he hadn’t actually thought about it, but he wouldn’t give up; not just yet. He must tread carefully, though. The secrets the girl kept would chase her away if he pursued to hard.

He left the room for his tower office, trusting the judgement of the elven woman completely. She would decide how Curd was to be dealt with as fairly as she could.


	8. Chapter 8

“Paxton Curd,” Inquisitor Lavellan leaned forward on her chair as she watched the Tevinter man led before her. “You stand before the Inquisition to be judged for your actions against two young women who are under my protection.”

Cullen stood off to the side, his arm resting easily on the pommel of his sword, and watched the blond elven woman as she considered the man before her. He caught sight of Thalia and Iris standing on the other side of the hall, both girls looking grim as they watched the proceedings.

“It is within my right to judge you, no matter what country you hail from, but I have decided that the right of judgement should fall to the women you injured.” She motioned for Thalia and Iris to join her at the front of the hall.

Thalia was aware of the eyes of the gathered people on her and as she stepped forward her eyes met first Cullen’s and then Varric’s, both of them nodding to her. She straightened her back and walked forward to stand beside the Inquisitor’s throne, her gray eyes skimming the people in the great hall. She noted Iron Bull and the Tevinter mage, Dorian standing near the door.

“Thalia Marchant and Iris Kinslow, have you come to a decision regarding the fate of this man?” Ellana Lavellan turned her gaze to the young women.

“Send him back to Tevinter.” Thalia replied and Iris nodded her agreement. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Varric raise an eyebrow in surprise.

“Very well,” Ellana turned back to the man. “Paxton Curd, you are to be returned to the Tevinter borders. You are never to set foot on Orlesian or Ferelden soil again. We will know if you do and you will forfeit your life.” She leaned forward again, her green eyes narrowing. “Keep in mind that we have agents everywhere, if I ever hear of you laying a hand on an unwilling person again believe me when I say my punishment will be much harsher.”

When Paxton didn’t reply to her judgement, only standing straight and glaring at her she gestured to the guards. “Have him delivered into the care of the next patrol going near the Tevinter border. Until then he can remain a guest in one of our cells. Are you satisfied with this judgement?” She turned back to Thalia and Iris.

“Yes, Your Worship.” Thalia replied quietly with a slight nod of her head. “Thank you.”

“Now, I believe there are some that have been worried about you. You should assure them that you are indeed all right.” The Inquisitor said with a gentle smile.

Thalia’s eyes snapped up and met Cullen’s. Unsure of what she read in his amber gaze she lowered her eyes and then turned to the other young woman.

“Thank you,” Iris said softly. “I wasn’t sure I could speak in front of all these people.”

“You’re welcome.” Thalia laid a hand on her arm with a smile. She’d never admit how difficult it was for her to do it, but if it helped the other woman then she was willing. “Be safe.”

“And you.”

She turned back to find Cullen had left the hall and Varric was now talking to Bull and Dorian. She searched the hall for the Commander and found no sign of him amongst the rest of the people. With a sigh she walked over to the others, giving the mage a slight nod.

“Thank you for your help, the other day.”

“I’m always ready to come to the aid of a beautiful woman,” Dorian flashed her a charming smile. “We’ve not met before; Dorian Pavus at your service.”

“Thalia Marchant. I’ve heard about you from the others. You warned us of the attack at Haven.”

“A little too late, I’m afraid. I barely made it to Haven ahead of Corypheus.” He said seriously. “And it didn’t save the village.”

“Still, it saved lives.”

“That was quite the choice you made there,” Varric spoke up. “What if the Inquisitor had just decided to cut him loose?”

“It was a risk.” Bull rumbled. “Death would have been more certain.”

“I want no one’s death on my head, thank you.” Thalia replied stiffly. “The Inquisitor spoke to Iris and I both beforehand and told us the consequences of whatever choice we made. We knew what we were choosing.” She looked around the hall at the people and suddenly felt closed in. “Excuse me.”

“I’ll walk with you,” Varric said noticing her discomfort.

“You should stop in and talk to the Commander.” Varric said as they walked towards the doors. “He’s worried about you.”

“He left or I would have spoken with him.” Thalia frowned at Varric. “Besides, I’m sure he could see that I’m all right.”

“Are you?” At the door the dwarf turned and studied her. “I don’t think you truly have been since before we came here.” He held up a hand when she started to protest. “I won’t pry, but just know we’re all here if you need us.”

“Thank you, Varric.” She smiled sadly at him.

With her memories pricking at the back of her mind, Thalia chose solitude for the remainder of the day. She spent time reading the books she’d borrowed from the Inquisition library, searching for some way to help Cullen. Frustration at not finding a solution finally drove her from her room. She had a light meal with the sisters at the infirmary, checking on some of the patients there, before returning to her room to try and sleep.

Sleep came as hard as it always did for her, her nightmares taking a different shape this time. She dreamed of things she hadn’t struggled with for a long time. She woke up in the middle of the night, not afraid, but tangled in the depths of despair. She paced the floor for what seemed like hours, struggling with the demons of her past. A loud pop from her fireplace caused her to flinch. The sound of footsteps outside her door sent her cowering to the shadowed corner of her room. Her back pressed against the wall she clenched her fists against her head trying to drive out the memories.

Memories that she thought she’d finally put behind her, but Paxton Curd had reawakened. Before, when her mind had threatened to snap, she had had her father. He knew what she’d done and he had done his best to comfort and protect her. _She_ was the reason they had been moving from town to town selling his skills. Never staying in one place more than a few weeks lest someone recognize them. _She_ was the reason they hadn’t seen their homeland of Ferelden in nearly three years.

She pressed a fist to her mouth and choked back a sob. Pelham had helped her learn to control her fear. She had managed to keep that control even through the attack on Haven, but now she could feel that control fraying. She was so tired of trying to be strong.

She couldn’t do this alone anymore, she knew that. Varric and the others, she knew, would do whatever they could to help her, but her mind kept returning to one person. Grabbing her coat, from where it hung by the door, she fled her room.

 

Sleep alluding him as usual, Cullen poured himself another drink and picked up the latest report on the movements of the Freemen of the Dales on his desk. They had received word from an Orlesian rebel by the name of Fairbanks that the Freemen were harassing people in the Emerald Graves and requesting assistance in dealing with them. The Inquisitor had stated her intention to make contact with the man and see if she could help.

He sighed, as if dealing with Corypheus and his Red Templars wasn’t enough, they also had to contend with the civil war raging in Orlais. One way or another they needed to put an end to the war and convince Orlais to stand behind the Inquisition. Even if it meant dethroning the Empress and putting her cousin in her place.

His musings were interrupted by a knock at his door. He set the report and his cup on the desk with a frown. He crossed the floor and opened the door to stare startled at Thalia standing in front of him, wearing only her shift and coat. Her hair fell in waves around her pale face; her eyes wide with unspoken terror.

“Thalia…”

“Please… I….” She gasped as if in great pain. “I can’t…”

Noting her bare feet on the icy stone, Cullen took her by the shoulder and guided her inside. “You’ll catch your death before you can tell me what’s wrong.” He said gently. Maker’s breath she was ice cold and shaking like a leaf.

He closed the door and turned towards her to tell her to sit while he added more wood to the fire. As he turned, though, he suddenly found the young woman in his arms. She slipped her arms around his neck and clung to him as if she were drowning. Cullen had a feeling that in a way, she probably was. He put his arms around her waist and held her tightly, murmuring comforting words against her hair, trying to soothe the violent trembling that wracked her body. He felt a dampness on his neck and realized she was crying.

“Thalia… what happened?” He’d seen her upset before, but never this distraught. “Did someone…”

“No,” she choked out.

His heat, along with the scent of spices and brandy, enveloped her and she pressed closer to him. She felt as if she could stay here forever, then everything would be all right. Her memories and fears couldn’t find her here. She was warm and she was safe.

Thalia had no idea how long they stood there, but eventually the trembling started to subside. She pulled back from him suddenly embarrassed.

“I-I’m sorry,” She looked away from his questioning face. “I-I shouldn’t have… I didn’t know where else…”

“Maker’s breath,” He sighed. “Of course you should have.” He brushed a stray bit of her hair from her face. “Do not ever think that you can’t come to me.” He led her to his chair and sat her down. Picking up the cup he’d been drinking from, he pressed it into her hand. “Brandy; it’ll help warm you.”

She took a small sip and made a face at it before setting in on the desk. If the situation hadn’t been so grave, Cullen would have probably laughed. Her aversion to alcohol was well known. The one incident at the tavern having been the only one. He knelt in front of her and took her hands in his, noting that the healers had done a fine job of making her wrist whole again. He didn’t speak, he only knelt there and waited in silence.

“Did you know I…” Thalia took a shuddering breath. “I killed a man.”

“Did you?” Considering the world, they lived in, he couldn’t be surprised at that. Death was a part of survival and it was a rare person that hadn’t taken a life in order to live.

Her grey eyes met his for a moment. “I should probably tell you everything,” she said with a sigh. “I’m a bastard. I didn’t know it until I was nearly seventeen, but my parents never married. To my father it never seemed to matter one way or another. He told me that he’d wanted to, but mother was a warrior and she felt it wasn’t fair to either of us since she was on the move a lot. I remember that part about her, she’d come home on occasion and shower me with affection and gifts and be gone again. Then, one day, she never came home again. Father told me she’d fallen at Ostagar.”

She pulled her hands from his and sat back in the chair. Cullen stayed kneeling silently in front of her waiting for her to continue.

“I’m also elf-blooded. It would have been rather difficult to hide that from me, since I did know my mother. I never thought anything of it. No one around me ever said anything against it or treated me any different. I sometimes now wonder if it was just…” She bit her lip as she thought. “Mother kept to herself when she was home, I wonder sometimes if people just didn’t realize.”

Elf-blooded meant that she was half elf and half human. Any child born of a human and elf was always born human, so unless both parents were known, it was easy to hide the elven side and go about life as fully human. Cullen knew that in the majority of areas, this could be a problem. People were still extremely prejudiced against elves and elf-blooded children. Both usually resided in the alienages, or slums, of each city, never getting the chance to get ahead. He understood why any elf-blooded child would try to hide their heritage if at any way possible. He assumed this was what she hadn’t wanted anyone here to find out about.

“I grew up happily enough. When I was sixteen I became promised to a young man in my village. Simon Agate, the son of the mayor. My father and the mayor were both very pleased with the match. Then I found out about my parents. Not wanting to start our marriage on lies, I told Simon everything. I thought it wouldn’t matter, he seemed so very open minded.”

A shudder ran through her and Cullen had to resist the urge to pull her back into his arms again. Thalia gave a bitter laugh. “I’m still not sure which he found more offensive; my elven blood or my illegitimacy. He broke off the betrothal, refused to even speak to me. Then one night I was returning home from my father’s smithy, he attacked me. He’d been lying in wait for me, knowing I’d be passing through after dark. He beat me. He… I can still feel his hands around my throat, as he tried to strangle the life out of me, and the weight of his body when he tried…”

Her voice started to shake as the memories poured over her again. Cullen closed his eyes for a moment and clenched his jaw. He could just imagine what the man had put her through and if he could get his hands on him at that moment he would kill him himself.

“I fought him. Papa had been teaching me to fight, to defend myself. With the memory of the blight hanging over us and darkspawn still everywhere, he felt it was something I needed to know. I carried a dagger under my skirts. I managed to get to it and I stabbed him in the side of the neck. It didn’t kill him but it was enough to get him off of me. I remember grabbing a nearby rock and bashing him over the head with it and while he was lying in the dirt, bleeding from his neck and head, I hit him over and over again.”

“We fled before morning came. Papa understood what I did and was willing to do whatever he could to protect me. We knew that killing the mayor’s son was something, no matter the reason, I’d never be forgiven for. The aftermath, I thought I would lose my mind. I was terrified of everything and overwhelmed by guilt. Papa bounced us from town to town staying ahead of the mayor’s messengers, and during that he did everything he could to help me. I was broken and I knew it. I’ve never completely healed, but he taught me to cope. Eventually we left Ferelden and came to Orlais and then to Haven. You know the rest.”

“Thalia…”

“Paxton Curd brought all those memories back to me as if they’d happened just yesterday.”

She refused to meet his eyes, keeping her gaze averted to the edge of the desk instead. She couldn’t bear the thought of seeing that same hatred and disgust as she’d seen in Simon’s face.

“I-I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want anyone here to know. I thought I could start over, make a new life, but… with all these people coming in, someone’s bound to realize who I am… and then that man… when he… touched…”

“Thalia…” Cullen reached up and turned her face so that their eyes met. “It’s all right.

In his eyes she saw no revulsion; only acceptance and understanding. She choked back a sob and he covered her hands with his own.

“We’ve all done things that we’re not proud of. Every single person here has done what they’ve had to in order to survive. You’re no different.”

“I need to answer for what I’ve done. It’s the only way I can be free of him; of my own mind.” Her voice broke. “I-I can’t…” Tears slipped down her pale cheeks.

Cullen slid a hand around her waist and pulled her from the chair. Sitting on the floor of his office with his back against his desk, he held Thalia as she cried. He spoke to her in soothing tones; assuring her that she was safe, that she would be all right. He continued talking even after she’d cried herself out and exhaustion overtook her. As she curled up sleeping against his chest he told her of his how he cared for her and that she would never be alone again. Even if she never accepted him as anything more than friend as long as there was breath in his body he would watch over her.


	9. Chapter 9

“I’ve been told that I should speak with you.”

Thalia sighed and set the bandages she was folding aside. “Does no one here keep anything to themselves?” She folded her hands in her lap and looked up at the Inquisitor leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Not often.” The elven woman chuckled. Then, realizing that Thalia was truly annoyed, she closed the door and sat down beside the girl. “Look, I can tell you that Cullen wouldn’t have spoken to me if he didn’t feel it was important.”

Thalia looked down at her hands, her face burning in shame. “H-How much did he tell you?”

She hadn’t spoken to Cullen. Not since she’d woken up in his arms on the floor of his office three mornings ago. The silence that had stretched between them as she left has been awkward and uncomfortable. He’d tried to talk to her, but seemed at a loss for words. She hadn’t wanted to talk about what she’d told him the night before at all. So, she left in silence and she’d managed to avoid him ever since. She guessed she should have known he’d probably speak to the Inquisitor at some point. She had, after all, taken a life.

“Just what happened in your home village. I understand your feelings, though I feel they’re unnecessary.”

“I took the life of another person. My father did all he could to protect me from the consequences of that, but he shouldn’t have. It wasn’t right, no matter how much he loved me.”

Ellana leaned over and put a hand over Thalia’s. “Your father did what any parent would have done. You should never think ill of him for it. You did what you needed to, just as any of us have done, or would do. Cullen spoke to me, not because he thinks something needs to be done, but because he thinks you need to hear from me that you did nothing wrong.” Ellana studied Thalia’s face thoughtfully when the young woman didn’t reply, “but perhaps you do need more.”

“What…” Thalia frowned at the Inquisitor as the woman got up and opened the door, speaking quiet words to someone on the other side. “Oh, no…”

“I need witnesses, if I am to pass judgement.” The Inquisitor explained as Varric and Bull came in and closed the door again. “That way if someone brings accusation against you before me, there’s more than just yours and my word that this was done. I know that you trust Varric and Bull and so do I.” She settled her green eyes on Thalia.

Thalia nodded mutely, her face burning in shame. She didn’t want her friends to know about this, or anything else about her. She’d so carefully guarded her past and one incident with Paxton Curd had brought that all crashing down around her. How could she ever look any of them in the eye again?

“Thalia Marchant, you come before me to be judged for your past actions.” Ellana started as Thalia stood up and clasped her hands in front of her. “You have already admitted your hand in the death of Simon Agate and your reasons for doing so. All that is left is to hand down your sentence. Do you accept whatever sentence I decide is appropriate for your actions?”

“I do.” Thalia murmured.

“You will be bound to the Inquisition as a healer until such a time we have completed our mission against Corypheus. You will answer to myself and my advisors and no longer to the Chantry. You will mainly work with the Inquisition’s surgeon, but you may divide your time between him and the Chantry’s infirmary if you wish.”

Thalia’s startled gray eyes snapped up to the Inquisitor’s face in shock. For the most part the young elven woman was saying she was to continue on as she had been, only now she would work directly for the Inquisition rather than for the sisters.

“It is my belief that you were justified in the taking of Simon Agate’s life, but I understand your need to atone. I hope that in helping to save the lives of my soldiers, you will finally feel that you have at least in some part redeemed yourself.”

“T-thank you, Your Worship.” Thalia choked out. “I… I don’t… know what…”

“No more tormenting yourself,” Ellana smiled at her. “It’s time to start healing.” The woman turned to Bull and Varric and placed a hand on each of their shoulders. “Thank you, my friends. I trust that what passed here will remain between us unless otherwise needed.”

“Of course,” Varric replied as Bull nodded.

“Oh, Thalia, there’s one more thing.” She stopped at the door and looked back at the girl. “As you are now in my employ, you will be paid a fair wage for your work. Working with the surgeon puts you in the jurisdiction of my army and you will report to Commander Cullen starting tomorrow morning.”

“Y-Yes, Inquisitor.”

“Well, Kitten, that turned out well,” Varric turned to her with a grin after the Inquisitor had left. “Are you all right?” Thalia’s face was completely devoid of color.

“I-I don’t… I-I never…” She started to shake. “I-I n-need to s-sit…” She fell onto the bench with a thump.

“Have you been carrying this all alone for the last three years?” Bull sat beside her, a large hand on her slim shoulder.

She nodded. “Just my father and I and we never spoke of it. We knew that if it ever got out, I would be executed.”

“Our Inquisitor is a fair woman,” Varric said crossing his arms. “She recognized that you only did what you had to.”

“You have friends here,” Bull rumbled as the dwarf nodded at him. “Don’t carry your burdens alone.”

She took a deep breath and looked at the sincere faces of her friends. “Thank you. Someday, I’ll be ready to tell you the reason behind what happened.”

“Whenever you are, Kitten, you know where to find us.” Varric touched her cheek before turning to Bull. “Buy you a drink, Tiny?”

“You be okay here?” Bull glanced down at Thalia.

“I will. Thank you.”

“Come join us later.”

“Maybe tomorrow.” Thalia smiled at them. “Tonight I have another friend I think I need to speak to.”

 

She thought of what she would say to him all the way up the stairs to his room, but nothing sounded right to her. She knew that a simple thank you would never be enough for what he had done for her. She wasn’t sure any words would be enough, but she needed to try.

Though the burden of her guilt wouldn’t just disappear like that, she somehow felt a weight was gone. That just maybe she would be able to start moving past what had happened, given time. It was like all of a sudden, time started moving again. She was no longer stuck. If she hadn’t met the Commander, she never would have found herself at this point.

Taking a deep breath, Thalia smoothed her hands over her coat and skirt and knocked on his door. It was only a moment before he opened the door and looked down at her curiously.

“Thalia, is something wrong?” It was unusual for her to seek him out and he was suddenly concerned that maybe things hadn’t gone as well as he’d hoped with the Inquisitor.

“I’m fine.” She smiled. He was always concerned. Even the day she’d found him in the grip of horrible pain from the lyrium withdrawal, his first concern was for her. Why hadn’t she seen that before now?

Her smile was different; less forced than it usually was. He stepped back to allow her to walk by him, closing the door behind her. She turned to face him, her hands clasped in front of her.

“I wanted to thank you, for everything you’ve done to help me.”

“I take it your meeting with the Inquisitor went well then,” Of course he already knew the outcome. He received paperwork from the Inquisitor assigning Thalia to work with the surgeon. He motioned for her to sit while he leaned against his desk.

“Yes, I…” She stopped and studied his face, noting the lines of tension around his eyes and mouth. “You’re in pain.”

“It’s nothing I can’t bear.”

Thalia got up and stood in front of him. Taking one of his hands in hers, she pulled his glove off. His hand was ice cold, just as she suspected it would be. It came with the pain.

“Thalia, it’s fine.”

“Hush, I’m the healer here, remember.”

She started to gently rub his hand between hers, trying to will it to warm back up. Despite the fact that he wore leather gloves nearly all the time, his large hands were rough and calloused from years of wielding a sword. He offered no protest as she pulled his other glove off, only watching her curiously as she massaged the warmth back into them.

“Firstly, I want you to know that I understand why you went to the Inquisitor and I’m grateful to you for that. I think that both of you have put me on the correct path to gaining some measure of control back over my life.” She kept her gaze on his hands as she talked. “I’m happy to be working with the Inquisition, even in such a small capacity as a healer. To be able to do something to help those that are risking their lives for us, is important to me.”

She took a breath and then looked up, her gray eyes meeting his amber ones, she could feel the light tremors from his pain running through him. “I’ve read every book on healing in Skyhold. Did you know that?” When he didn’t answer she kept going. “I thought if I read enough of them, especially the obscure ones; just maybe I would find something that would help you. There’s nothing. I can’t even figure out if this is something that will eventually leave you, or if you will suffer the effects for the rest of your life.”

“Most that try to leave the lyrium behind either lose their minds or die from it.” Cullen said gravely. “I was aware of that when I made the decision to stop taking it.” He gave her a slightly crooked smile. “So far I seem to be holding my own.”

“Promise me you’ll come to me if you need help.” She stopped rubbing and twined her fingers with his for a moment. “I don’t care when it is, please don’t suffer this alone. And I promise you that I’ll keep searching.”

“I didn’t think you’d want…”

“I don’t know what I want most of the time. My life has been such a mess of confusion and terror for the last three years.” She took a breath. She could either say something now or walk away and forget about it. “I have realized recently that maybe…” She glanced away and bit her lip. “I’d like to spend more time with you. I’d like to know you better. That is… ah… if my being…”

“It means nothing to me.” Cullen cut her off. “It was a circumstance of your birth and nothing more. It has no bearing on my opinion of you; neither does what happened to you. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of. What matters is who you are right now.”

She blushed brightly. “Do you think you could…”

Cullen reached out and slid a hand behind her head pulling her in and cutting off her words with his lips. Thalia let out a startled sound as he slipped his other hand behind her waist and pulled her until she was leaning full against him. She clutched the shoulders of his armor, her head spinning slightly as he slowly and gently explored her mouth. When he released her, she clung to his shoulders trying to get her bearings as he studied her face.

“I-I’m sorry…” He finally said. “Maker’s breath, I should have asked… I shouldn’t have…”

“Cullen,” She stopped him breathlessly. “Don’t, it’s fine.”

He smiled gently. “I’m glad.” He said as he tilted his head and kissed her again.

Heart pounding in her chest, Thalia wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers ruffling the hair at the back of his neck, and she felt a shiver go through him. She thrilled at the thought that such a simple touch from her could cause him to react that way as his hands tightened on her waist and he made a gruff sound in his throat.

Cullen finally let go of her and set her back away from him. “I think we’d better… I don’t want to push…”

She nodded, still slightly dazed. He was right. Of course he was right. She took a shaky breath. “I probably should go.”

He nodded and walked with her to the door, kissing her again quickly before she left his room. Staring at the closed door, he rubbed his hand along the back of his neck with a smile. He hadn’t been expecting that sudden turn at all.


	10. Chapter 10

Things changed for Thalia, just as she knew they would. She settled into her new position with the Inquisition’s surgeon without incident. Every morning she joined him to tend to any of the wounded or ill soldiers. If there were none that needed her, then she would work with the sisters of the Chantry helping the other people that made up the growing population of Skyhold.

Working with the soldiers also meant she heard more of what was going on with the Inquisition. She heard about the difficulties they had encountered in the Emerald Graves against the deserters known as the Freemen of the Dales. She overheard of the plans they were laying to try and put a stop to the civil war between the Orlesian Empress Celene Valmont and her cousin, Grand Duke Gaspard de Chalons. She knew that to do so might gain the Inquisition the support of the Orlesian armies in the end.

There were so many different directions that the Inquisition was looking in for support and to stop Corypheus that she didn’t know how the Inquisitor managed to keep things so organized. She did, though. She always seemed to know what needed to be done next. The latest news had been of legions of undead rising in the Exalted Plains and it seemed that would be the next place she would go.

Meanwhile, Thalia knew that Cullen continued to work tirelessly with the soldiers; training them and assigning missions. He also advised the Inquisitor on military issues and worked with her and her other two advisors, Josephine and Leliana to plan their next moves. The more she got to know him, the more she had to wonder how he managed to keep up with it all. Like the Inquisitor, though, he always knew what needed to be done and managed to keep things in order.

In the midst of all of that, he always found time for her. Usually as she finished her day he would appear wherever it was she’d been working to escort her to her room. It gave them a bit of time to talk and get to know one another better. She already knew of his experiences with the Templars, but he told her of his youth. Of how becoming a Templar had been a dream from the time he was very young. He finally was accepted into the order at thirteen, an older age than most, but caught up quickly and took his vows at eighteen along with his fellow initiates. It was then he had been assigned to Ferelden’s Circle of Magi.

He was born in Honnleath in southwest Ferelden; the second eldest of four Rutherford children. He had an older sister, Mia, and a younger brother and sister; Branson, who also now had a son of his own, and Rosalie. His family had fled Honnleath when it was overrun by darkspawn during the fifth blight. They settled in South Reach in southeastern Ferelden, but sadly he had lost his parents during their escape. His siblings still prospered and he was especially close to his eldest sister, Mia. He admitted, though, that he didn’t keep contact with them nearly as much as he should.

Thalia finished applying a poultice and bandaging the arm of a soldier that had gotten a little too enthusiastic during his training and had had his upper arm slashed open. She smiled gently at the young man as she tied off the bandage.

“Now, give that time for the herbs to work. I’ll let the Commander know that you’re to be excused from training for a few days.”

“But I’ll be left out of the scouting mission to the Exalted Plains!” The soldier protested. “I’ll be fine, really! It feels better already. It did as soon as you started working on it!”

“No.” She replied. She knew that it was her touch that had soothed his pain and that in a short time it would be back full force. “If you don’t let it heal, you’ll lose that arm. Then what will you do?”

“Lady Marchant! Lady Marchant!” She turned as a young girl dressed in Chantry robes rushed into the Inquisition infirmary.

“I’m no lady, Kiya. My family has no title. Just Thalia is fine.”

“But the Inquisitor made you a member of the Inquisition…” The young woman frowned. “It doesn’t matter. Sister Celia sent me for you. Senni’s time has come and she’s having difficulty. She refuses to let the sisters touch her, insists on you.”

Thalia gestured to an older man bending over one of the other soldiers. “Abram, can you take over for me?”

He nodded to her and she rushed to find the surgeon. Senni was a young elven refugee that had come to Skyhold a couple of months back. She was heavy with child and newly widowed, her mate having been killed by the Red Templars. She distrusted the Chantry and Thalia had been the only person that she’d allowed to attend to her. It was only recently that the young woman had finally begun to accept the presence of the Templars that stayed at Skyhold, all of them, to her, being no different that the Red Templars that had killed her mate.

“Gavin,” She finally found the surgeon. “I have a favor to ask.”

“I already heard.” He replied not even looking up from writing his notes. “Go. See if you can help the young woman.”

“Thank you.” She nodded and followed Kiya from the infirmary.

She found Senni lying on one of the cots in the Chantry infirmary, her red hair damp and hanging around her drawn, pale face. The efforts of her labor had taken much out of her already and Thalia could see the panic and despair in her blue eyes. She had already been in labor a long time and her strength was waning rapidly.

“Shhh. Senni, it’s all right. I’m here.” Thalia knelt beside the woman and placed a gentle hand on her rounded stomach.

As soon as she touched the elven woman, Senni took a deep breath and let it out in a relieved sigh. As Thalia spoke to her softly, the panic and hopelessness in her eyes was replaced by renewed strength and determination.

“She’s been in labor since yesterday morning,” Celia said walking up behind Thalia.

“And why did no one come find me before now? You knew that she doesn’t trust the sisters! She would have only come to you to find me.”

“We had hoped to convince her to let us help her, since your duties now lie elsewhere.”

“My duties lie wherever I’m needed.” Thalia clenched her jaw in anger. “Leave us. Send me Kiya. At least Senni can bear her presence.”

She saw the flicker of anger in Celia’s face before the woman turned and stalked, stiff-backed from the little room. She leaned back over the elven woman and continued to talk to her in soft tones, urging her to draw on what reserves of strength she could find.

They labored for several more hours, early evening turning to late night as Thalia and Kiya worked together to help the woman deliver her child safely. Each time the elven woman seemed to be fading, Thalia placed a hand on her, talking to her, and somehow she managed to find the determination to fight on.

The sun was just starting to break over the Frostbacks when the cry of a newborn child was heard through the Chantry infirmary. Thalia wrapped the tiny baby in a soft blanket and laid him in his mother’s arms with tired smile. Senni smiled at the baby with tear filled eyes, the exhaustion from her ordeal written in the tired lines of her face.

“Your son,” Thalia said softly. “He’s perfectly healthy and with rest you will be fine.”

“I-I don’t know how to thank you.” Senni said softly, her eyes never leaving her son’s face. “Thelrel, my beloved child,” She finally looked up at Thalia. “Without you, I never would have held him. You shared your own strength with me.”

“You found the strength within yourself, Senni.” Thalia smiled tiredly. “You have to learn to trust these people though, you could have died before I got to you, and your son with you.”

Senni tilted her head sideways and studied Thalia. “You don’t know your own power, do you? There’s something…”

“I have no powers, Senni. You endanger me speaking like that.” Thalia turned as Kiya entered the room with a basin of water and clothes. “Kiya will help you get cleaned up. Rest here for a few days and regain your strength. I’ll check on you and little Thelrel later today.”

Thalia left the infirmary and outside she sagged weakly against a wall. Maker, but she was tired. Her own reserves of strength were depleted. It truly was as if Senni had drawn her strength from her, weakening her in the process.

“Is the elven woman all right?”

Thalia started and pushed away from the wall in surprise as she realized Cullen was sitting on a nearby bench. “Cullen,” she glanced at the brightening sky overhead. “Don’t tell me you’ve been waiting here all night.”

He shrugged. “They told me you came here to help the elven woman, so I thought I would wait for you.”

“She’s fine and so is her son.” Thalia untied her hair and ran her fingers through it wearily. “You’ve been awake all this time?”

“I dozed while I waited.” He stood and walked over to her, his amber eyes noting the exhaustion in her face. “You need sleep though.”

“I have duties at the Inquisition’s infirmary.”

“You’re excused from your duties for the day.” He arched an eyebrow at her. “Before you argue with me, it’s my call. You’re not fit for duty. Go to your room and get some rest.”

“Yes sir.” She nodded with a slight smile. She took a step and stumbled, her hand reaching out to him to steady herself.

He swept her into his arms, a small smile on his lips. “Then again, I’ll see you there myself.”

She didn’t have the energy to protest as he carried her across the bailey to her room. He was warm. Even through his armor, he was warm. She snuggled her cheek against his neck, her arm tightening around his neck as she breathed in his spicy scent.

Cullen tightened his arms around the young woman, his mind thinking back to another time when he’d carried her to her room when she’d had too much to drink. She was more approachable now. Her history had finally come out and with it, she had learned to relax around him and her friends. Now, holding her in his arms, he could smell her scent of berries mixed with the light scent of sweat and he realized she was the most precious thing in all of Thedas to him.

Reaching her room, he set her carefully on her feet while he opened the door and guided her inside. He leaned down slightly and kissed her tenderly; tasting the mint she had chewed in the night. She let out a soft sigh and touched his face with the tips of her fingers.

“Rest,” He drew back and ran his thumb across her lips. “I’ll see you when you wake.”

Thalia nodded numbly and he closed the door as he left. She turned and fell onto her bed, not bothering to change out of her clothes. In the span of a few heartbeats she was sound asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Thalia pressed a small vial of liquid to the lips of a soldier whose broken leg had just been set by the surgeon. The herbal mixture would dull his lingering pain and help pull him into a healing sleep. While she waited for the herbs to take effect she sat beside his cot and held his hand soothing away his pain and agitation. Once he was asleep she tucked his arm under the blanket and went to find Gavin.

“Everyone has been seen to.” Thalia stuck her head into the surgeon’s office where he was writing up a report on the soldier they’d treated. “What would you like me to do?”

“Take the rest of the day,” Gavin replied as he signed the report and rolled it up. “Go help the sisters, or maybe try relaxing for a change.” He sealed the report with wax and stood up. “You could deliver this to the Commander for me.”

She took the report and went in search of Cullen, finding him in the training yard instructing some new recruits. She stood out of the way and watched as he patiently taught two young soldiers the very basics of swordplay. She knew they had received quite a few young men and women, all eager to fight for the Inquisition, but very few of them actually had any experience. Cullen and his Captains had been working tirelessly to teach them as much as they could in a short period of time. Cullen’s main focus was trying to ensure that they had the skills to stay alive when in the field. He finally spotted her waiting and sheathed his sword as he spoke to the two sending them to work with some of the more seasoned soldiers.

“The report on Adger Rochet,” she handed him the paper.

“So he’s all right,” Cullen broke the seal and unrolled the paper, his eyes skimming over the words. “It’s as I expected. We’ll make sure his family is taken care of while he recovers.” He turned to one of his men and gave orders for the care of the soldier’s family.

“Are you going back to the infirmary?” He turned back to Thalia.

“No. I’m not needed there for the rest of the day. I was going to the Chantry infirmary.”

“Take the rest of the day off.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Is that an order, Commander?”

“No! No.” He shifted and rested his arm on the pommel of his sword. “Maker’s breath, I never seem to say things right around you.”

She smiled. “You say many things right to me,” and then she bit her lip, her face growing pink. “Ah…” her gaze slid away from his in embarrassment.

That simple innocent gesture made Cullen want to pull her into his arms and kiss her senseless, “I meant to ask if you would take the rest of the day and tomorrow off. I’d like you to accompany me somewhere.”

“I’ll have to check with Gavin.” She eyed him curiously.

“Let me take care of Gavin. You do, after all, work for me.” Cullen chuckled. “Meet me at the gates in an hour?”

“All right,” she nodded. “You said tomorrow? Ah… are we going to be gone for the night?”

“It’s not… I’m…” he sighed. “I should have explained more fully. There’s some place I want to show you. We’ll be gone overnight, but I’ll make arrangements for rooms at an inn near there.”

“I’ll meet you at the gates then.”

“Thalia, can you ride?”

“It’s been a very long time, but I think I can still stay on a horse.”

“I’ll be sure to choose a well-tempered one.” He gave her a crooked smile.

In most cases it was only the upper class and military groups that could ride. The lower classes couldn’t afford horses, therefore never learned. Being the daughter of a smith, though, there was a chance that someone had taught her. He was glad to hear that they had. It would make the trip more comfortable for her.

He spoke to Gavin and let the surgeon know that Thalia would be taking a couple of days off, as the man had recommended to Cullen that she should. He had already spoken to the Inquisitor and told her of where he was going in case he was needed.

Thalia was waiting for him when he reached the gate leading a large bay gelding and a smaller black mare. She looked up at the black nervously. She was serious when she said it had been a long time. She didn’t think she’d been on a horse since her mother died. At Cullen’s reassuring smile she let him help her mount and took the reins.

She spoke softly to the animal, noting that the mare didn’t show any signs of skittishness. Cullen mounted his bay and clucked to it, bringing the high strung horse under control. The differences in the temperaments of the animals were obvious, Cullen’s horse being a war horse, full of energy and fire. Hers, she suspected, was a lady’s mare. Where he’d gotten her, she had no idea.

They left Skyhold, Cullen setting a slow pace as he refreshed her memory on how to sit properly and the various commands. Once he felt she was comfortable, they moved more quickly. Thalia had forgotten how free it felt to be on horseback and she settled in quickly. They rode until nearly dusk; riding south out of the Frostbacks and into the lowlands of western Ferelden. When they finally stopped they were at the shores of a lake.

Cullen reached up and wrapped his hands around Thalia’s waist, helping her dismount. Standing on the banks she took a deep breath of the night air. She closed her eyes and let the evening sounds wash over her; the lapping of the water against the shore, insects buzzing and chirping. Far off she heard the lonely howl of a wolf carried to her on the cool, dusk breeze.

“It’s beautiful,” she turned to Cullen who was looking out over the water with a faint smile on his lips.

“I used to come here quite often as a child,” He said looking over at her. “My siblings, well, I loved them very much but they could be very loud. I’d come here to clear my head. Of course, they always found me.” He chuckled at the memory.

He reached down and took her hand, tucking it into the crook of his arm and they walked along the water. “The last time I was here was the day I left for Templar training. My brother gave me a coin he had in his pocket. Told me it was good luck. We weren’t supposed to take anything with us when we joined the Templars, but I’ve always carried it with me regardless.”

“This place has good memories for you.”

“I was happy here. I still am happy here,” He stopped and turned to her, reaching out to tuck a loose lock of hair behind her ear. “I wanted to show you that there is still beauty in this world, despite all the ugliness we’ve experienced.”

“Thank you,” Thalia whispered, her gray eyes meeting his amber ones.

He pulled her in and kissed her gently, his arm going around her waist to hold her close to him. Pressed against his breastplate, Thalia wrapped her arms around his neck as he bent her slightly backwards. Pleasure thrummed through her as his thumb brushed along her jaw, his mouth moving over hers with increasing insistence.

She burned every time he touched her. She never thought she’d find that feeling with anyone. Not after Simon and what he’d tried to do to her. She planned to hold herself apart from the rest of the world for the remainder of her life. This man, though, had managed to tear down all of her defenses. He’d discovered all of her secrets, laid them bare, and helped her to stop running from them.

Thalia realized in that moment that she loved him. This wasn’t the love that she thought she’d had with Simon. This was the type of love that would change her forever, for good or ill. It was a love that could heal her, bring her to a place in this world where she was safe. It was also a love that, if it went wrong, could destroy her, but for the moment she didn’t care.

Cullen released her and moved away slightly, his breath uneven. “We… uh… should head to the village before it gets too much later.”

She hated to leave this beautiful place, but she knew he was right. As beautiful and serene as it was, there were still dangers. Nighttime made it more difficult to detect and defend against such things and she knew that Cullen wouldn’t want to risk her safety.

She nodded and let him lead her back to the horses. They rode back to the village in silence, Thalia preferring for the moment to be left with her thoughts. The acknowledgement of her feelings to herself made her want to know more of his. She felt it was obvious that he cared for her, but did he care enough? What were his plans for them?

At the inn Cullen paid the inn keep for their rooms and escorted Thalia upstairs, kissing her goodnight at the door.

“Cullen…” She grabbed his hand as he turned to leave. “Please, we need to talk.”

This was as good a time as any, here they were away from the interruptions of the Inquisition. He nodded and she led him into her room, closing the door behind her. He walked over to stand near the fireplace as she leaned against the door and watched him.

“This… ah…” She started to speak and he turned to her, his amber eyes searching her face.

“Let me,” He stopped her. “We haven’t spoken of this since that first night. To be honest, I haven’t known how to approach you about it again.”

“But we’ve talked about so many other things, why not… us?”

“I was afraid of scaring you off. You’ve always been so wary of being too close to someone.” He crossed the floor to stand in front of her. “I just hoped that we would continue to grow closer until you couldn’t deny me or my feelings.”

“We’ve been pretty close over the last few weeks and I’m still here.” She breathed in his spicy scent as he stood only a few inches in front of her. His nearness, his heat, and scent were making her lose her train of thought as she lost herself in his gaze. “I’m no longer afraid of you.” She breathed.

Cullen pulled her to him and buried his face in her hair, inhaling the scent of berries that always seemed to be on her. “I want to be with… I mean… I want us to be together. That is… if you…”

Thalia pulled away, and he let her go reluctantly. For a brief moment she searched his face and saw nothing there but acceptance and caring. This man cared for her, regardless of who she was or what she had done. She made a small sound and threw her arms around his neck, her lips seeking his.

For the first time, it was Thalia that initiated a kiss between them. Until now, it had always been him. This simple act tore at his self-control, threatening to give in to his desire to lose himself in her. With a groan he pushed her backwards until she was pressed against the door; he buried his hands in her hair and tilted his head, ravaging her mouth.

She let out a gasp as he tore his mouth from hers and trailed a line of kisses along the side of her neck. His hand slid along her arm and to her ribs, his thumb gently caressing along the underside of her breast, causing her to shiver under his touch. Thalia tightened her arms, trying to get closer to him, cursing in her mind that his armor was in the way of her touching him.

Her movement seemed to bring Cullen back to his senses and he suddenly let go of her. Bringing himself back under control he leaned his forehead against hers, feeling her rapid breaths against his face.  Finally, his own breathing returning to normal he leaned back and looked at her questioning face.

She was pale and he was terrified that he’d gone too far with her. “Thalia… I… Maker’s breath!”

She blushed hotly and her gaze slid away from his. He read her thoughts in her expressive features and sighed.

“I want… this… you.” He rubbed a hand along the back of his neck as he searched for the right words to ease her fears. “I care about you. So much that sometimes it scares me. I’m afraid of moving too quickly and pushing you away and I can’t stand the thought of losing you to my own inept actions. We’ve come so far in a short time. I want to be with you. I want us to be together.”

“Cullen,” Thalia reached up and cupped his face. “I care about you also and I’ll tell you again, I’m no longer afraid of you, of us.” She kissed him and his hands went to her waist, his fingers tightening in response to her touch. “I want this.”

He pulled her close, resting his chin against the top of her head as she snuggled against him. “Maker’s breath, but I want to, but this isn’t the time or the place.” He leaned back and lifted her chin for another kiss. “When that time comes, we’ll know for sure. It will be without question or uncertainty.”

Cullen stepped back and took a deep, steadying breath. He searched her face and seeing that she understood he smiled at her. “Get some rest. We’ll head back to Skyhold in the morning.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Sexual Content

Varric waved a hand in front of Thalia’s face with a grin. “Hey, Kitten! You in there?”

The black haired girl blinked in surprise and glanced over at the amused dwarf. “I’m sorry, Varric. I was thinking.”

“That much is obvious. What has you so distracted all of a sudden?” Bull took a long drink of his ale and set the empty cup on the table, signaling to the barmaid for another.

“Yeah, you’ve been like this ever since you and Curly took that little trip a couple weeks ago. Did something happen?” Varric leaned on the table and studied her face.

“No… well yes… I mean…” She sighed and pushed her cup of mead around. “Maybe? Ah… Maker… I don’t know.”

“Well, shit,” Varric starting laughing. “Leave it to Curly to have a girl so confused she doesn’t even know what’s going on in her life.”

“He hasn’t done anything to hurt you has he?” Bull rumbled with a glare.

“No! No! Nothing like that!” Thalia laid a hand over the big Qunari’s in gratitude. “Cullen would never hurt me!”

“Sometimes people turn out to not be like you think they are. You tell me if anything happens.”

She smiled at him. She knew better than most just how someone could suddenly change. Now, looking back, she realized there had been warning signs from Simon; his possessiveness and controlling attitude towards her. He flew into rages when he thought someone was lying to him or betraying him. It had been there, right in front of her, but she had been blind to it at the time.

She saw none of that in Cullen. Despite the violence he’d told her about in his past, there was none now that wasn’t justified. He was a soldier. Violence was a part of his life; of who he was. She’d seen him angry, never so much as the day that Paxton had tried to hurt her, and even then he’d kept his anger under careful control.

No. Cullen Rutherford would rather take his own life than do anything that would hurt her. Of that she was sure.

“So what _is_ on your mind?” Varric’s voice broke into her thoughts once again.

She leaned back in her chair and eyed her two friends. Just how much of her personal relationship did she really want to reveal to the pair? On one hand she knew that Cullen would prefer to keep their private affairs private. On the other she could use the advice of a friend and these two were the friends that she trusted above all else.

She sighed and took a drink of her mead. “It’s just that he… he’s afraid of moving too quickly and scaring me off. I’m sure it will work itself out eventually.”

“What will work itself out?” Dorian sat down beside Bull, drink in hand.

“It seems that our little Kitten feels Curly is moving their relationship along just a little too slowly.” Varric told Dorian with a smile.

“Ah, our ever cautious Commander. He’s a lion when it comes to leading the troops. Personal relationships, though, he’s always guarded and careful.”

“I didn’t realize you knew the Commander that well.” Bull glanced at the mage in surprise.

“We’ve become friends. He has a brain. I require intelligent company to keep me from becoming too bored in this backwater country.” Dorian said with a shrug as he took a drink. “We meet for a game of chess most afternoons while he waits for Thalia to finish her duties at the infirmary. And believe me, he _always_ knows the scope of her duties and when she’ll be done for the day.” He finished with a wink in Thalia’s direction. “I wouldn’t worry too much; the Commander is completely head over heels for you. He’s not had much good in his life over the last ten years or so, he’s worried about jeopardizing the one good thing he’s managed to find.”

Thalia blushed and sank down in her chair, hiding her face behind the rim of her cup as she finished her mead. She guessed she didn’t have to worry too much about the others knowing, it seemed that it was no great secret anyway.

“If you want my advice,” Bull finally said. “You should take the bull by the horns, no pun intended. If you want to move your relationship forward, then take the lead.”

“I don’t think that’s something she’d be very comfortable with,” Varric countered.

“I… I need to think.” Thalia pushed away from the table and stood up. With a small smile she left the tavern and walked across the bailey towards her room.

She stopped at the stairs that led to Cullen’s tower room and pulled her coat tighter around her. Looking up she saw that despite the late hour, there was still a glow from the lantern in the window. As usual he was up late working, avoiding sleep for as long as he was able. She spent her nights the same way; while he read reports and made plans, she read books on healing and herbs. She took a deep breath and let it out, the frost from her breath curling around her head. Why shouldn’t they be spending their time avoiding their nightmares together?

With that thought she climbed the stairs and knocked on his door. When he opened it, she drank in the sight of him. His hair slightly ruffled and a day’s stubble on his chin. He’d removed his armor for the day and stood before her in bare feet, trousers, and his shirt untucked and unlaced at the neck. She loved the look of him in his armor, but she loved the few chances she got to see him like this more.

“I….” She shoved her hands in her pockets and shifted. “I hope you don’t mind. I was… lonely.”

“You can come to me whenever you wish.” Cullen said gently and drew her inside. Closing the door behind him he pulled her close and kissed her, his hands sliding along her back. “I was thinking about you.” He breathed lifting his head, his amber eyes searching her face.

“You were?” She murmured, shivering as he leaned forward and breathed in the scent of her hair.

“I don’t know how many nights I’ve gone to my bed thinking about you. Wishing…” he ran his thumb along her lips. “Wishing I hadn’t turned away from you.”

“Then why?” She closed her eyes with a shiver as he skimmed his lips along her forehead.

“Because I needed to you to come to me; to know it’s what you truly wanted. That _I_ was what you truly wanted.”

“I’m here.”

“So you are.”

He slid his hands under the edges of her coat at her shoulders, feeling her tremble lightly as he pushed it off her arms. With a shrug of her arms the dove gray material fell to the floor behind her and she reached for him. Cullen saw no doubt in Thalia’s eyes as he pulled her to him, his lips finding hers with a groan. His arms went around her back and hips and he molded her body to his, exploring her and tasting the honeyed mead on her tongue.

He kissed her until she was breathless before moving to press his lips gently against her forehead, her cheeks, her eyelids; murmuring her name like a prayer to the Maker with each touch of his mouth to her skin. Her breath caught as his arms tightened around her, and he bent her slightly backwards, his lips seeking the soft skin of her throat.

Cullen raised his head and pressed his forehead to hers, his breathing as harsh as hers. “We should… I mean, if we…”

Thalia let out a low chuckle, soft and breathless, and the sound sent a shiver straight through him. “I believe we are and yes, we should.” She kissed him and moved out of his arms.

“This is the first time I regret taking this room.” Cullen muttered as Thalia gripped the side of the ladder that led up to the tower loft.

She looked over her shoulder at him with a questioning look before she started to climb. Cullen followed closely behind, keeping one hand against the small of her back to make sure she didn’t slip. Reaching the top Thalia glanced around the room. It was what she expected from the Commander. Spartan in design, it contained only his bed, a trunk, and a small table. There were parts of the roof that had collapsed and still stood open to the sky overhead. Considering the warmth of the room she realized that the mages must have cast a barrier on the roof to keep the elements out.

Cullen came up behind her and slid his hands along her waist, kissing the back of her neck. Thalia gasped in pleasure, her head falling back against his shoulder. One hand slid around to press against her belly, pulling her back against him, his arousal pressing against her. She felt his hand tremble slightly as he reached up with the other and loosened the sleeves and the laces of her bodice. Her gown stayed in place, held up by his body as he kept her tight against him.

“I need to know…” His breath brushed against her ear. “Have you…” He cleared his throat nervously. “I don’t want to hurt you…”

She leaned her head forward and shook it slightly, her face turning pink. “I have, but it was only a couple of times.”

Cullen turned her around to face him, her gown sliding down to pool around her feet as he did. He gave her a questioning look, his hands on the laces as the neck of her blouse. With her nod he untied the laces and pulled the blouse off over her head. He reached behind her and pulled the tie from her hair, letting it fall around her face in a tumble of black waves.  His eyes slid down her body; her small breasts still wrapped in a band, to her slender waist, flared hips under her smallclothes, and her long slim legs.

“Maker’s breath… you’re perfect… He breathed reverently as he buried his hands in her hair and ravaged her mouth as he propelled her backwards towards his bed.

The backs of her legs hit the edge of the bed and he lifted his head, skimming his hands along the bare skin of her arms and back up again. Thalia let out a soft moan as his thumbs slid along her collarbones. She slid her hands under the edge of his shirt, pushing it upwards as she ran her hands over his stomach. He reached up and grabbed the neck of the shirt and yanked it impatiently over his head, throwing it aside.

He clenched his teeth as Thalia hesitantly reached out to touch him, running the tips of her fingers over a scar that ran across his chest. He was soft and hard all at once. Broad shoulders and a trim waist, there wasn’t an ounce of fat on him. His muscles jumped and quivered as those fingers slid along another scar across his stomach. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to the scar on his chest, kissing gently along his heated skin.

“Thalia…” His breath hitched as she ran the tip of her tongue along the raised mark.

He gathered her into his arms and she clung to him as he gently guided her downwards to the bed. He reached behind her and untied her breast band pulling it off her body. His lips moved along her neck, drawing small gasps and shivers from her as his rough hands slid over her skin. She let out a small cry as he drew one of her breasts into his mouth, suckling gently on her while he palmed her other breast, running his thumb around the hard peak.

Heat pooled in her belly and she arched breathlessly against him, her hands skimming along his shoulders.  Cullen closed his eyes and groaned as she leaned up and kissed his neck, her teeth nipping at his skin. Thalia clung to him, her hands everywhere, kissing him and touching him. Reveling in the feel of him trembling under her hands and lips; the knowledge that her touch could drive him as mad as his did her.

She felt as if she would burst into flames and the heat from his skin told her that she had the same effect on him. She needed more. She needed all of him.

“Please…” She gasped, her hands sliding between them to pull at the laces of his trousers.

His eyes held hers as he slid off the bed. He tore at the laces of his trousers, pushing them and his smallclothes down his hips and stepping out of them. She drew in a breath, her eyes traveling along his lean hips and muscular legs before she took in his arousal. He was as she suspected, hard, heavy, and large; and she knew there would be at least some discomfort no matter that she wasn’t a maid any longer. There was no way that there wouldn’t be.

Cullen cleared his throat, his face turning a bit pink under her scrutiny before he hooked his fingers at the edges of her smallclothes, pulling them down her legs. He knelt between her knees and gathered her into his arms.

“Maker’s breath, but I love you…” He whispered against her mouth before cupping her head in his hand and kissing her.

“Cullen…” Thalia gasped as his teeth caught the lobe of her ear, swirling his tongue across the sensitive skin. “I lo…”

“I know.” He murmured.

He bore her backwards onto the bed. Thalia clutched at the blankets underneath her, gasping as he pressed a kiss to her stomach, her muscles jerking under his mouth. Her hands threaded through his blond hair, holding him to her as he suckled at her breasts, the sheer pleasure of his touch shooting straight to her center.

He drew a cry from her as his fingers slid between her legs, dipping into her wetness and then caressing her gently. He raised his head and watched her as she arched backwards, her eyes closed, and her mouth open and gasping as he stroked her. She jerked and let out a low keening cry as he slid his fingers into her body, his thumb still caressing her as he stroked his fingers inside of her.

“Cullen! Please!” Thalia cried out, reaching up to clutch at his shoulders, trying to draw him to her.

“Shhh…” He leaned forward and kissed her. “Let me do this. It’s been a very long time; I don’t think I’ll be able to last. Let me touch you…”

He flexed his fingers and she made a strangled sound, her head falling back on the bed. He kept one hand against the arch of her back as he started moving his fingers again, watching her intently. As her breathing became more irregular he increased his pace until she gave a gasping cry, his name on her lips as she went taut and came undone under his hands. He didn’t think he’d ever seen anything so beautiful as the sight of her face as she reached her peak and then melting into the bed she came down the other side, her breath coming in rapid gasps.

Moving up over her, still kneeling, he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her deeply. He slid a hand under her back and drew her up until she was straddling his hips. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her body tensing as she felt him press against her.

“I… I don’t want to… hurt...” He said breathing harshly, his body trembling with the force of his need. “You need to control this…”

Thalia pressed her lips to his, tasting him as he had done to her, and slowly relaxed her hips drawing him into her. She trembled under his hands as she settled him fully into her, her body adjusting to accommodate him. He slid an arm up her back and gripped her hip, guiding her and showing her how to move. She whimpered her pleasure as she moved against him, her arms around his neck, hands threading through his hair.

He pressed his face against her shoulder, groaning, the heat of her body consuming him. He was right, it had been long enough that he wouldn’t be able to continue this for long. He felt her muscles tremble and flex under his hands, a light sheen of sweat broke out on his skin as he fought for just a little more control.

With a strangled groan he shifted and pushed her backwards on the bed, still buried in her heat. She arched against him, hooking one leg over his back as he surged forward. Her name spilled from his lips as he thrust into her reveling in the sound of her cries.

Suddenly he stilled, his face against her neck, lips moving over her skin. His muscles went rigid as he pushed forward as hard as he could, losing himself in her as the jolt of pain spiked pleasure shot through her drawing a surprised cry from her lips. She clenched hard around him just barely tumbling over that crest again as he reached his own end.

He lifted his head and watched the flush of color cross her skin and his arms trembled violently as he held himself off of her. Breathlessly he kissed her before moving off of her, afraid that he might crush her before they completely came back to their senses.

They lay facing one another, their legs tangled together as they clung to one another. He brushed her hair from her sweat slicked forehead and pressed a tender kiss to her lips.

“Are you all right?” He finally murmured once he got his breath under control. “I’m sorry… I couldn’t… I lost control.”

She nuzzled her cheek against his chest. “Cullen, I’m fine. You didn’t do anything to hurt me. Quite the opposite. I’ve never… I didn’t know…”

He pulled away slightly and studied her face. She met his eyes briefly and then looked away blushing. “You mean you… he never…”

She shook her head. Cullen pulled her back against him and held her tightly, a slight smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. Simon Agate may have had her maidenhead, but it seemed that he was the one that showed her what lovemaking really was. He smoothed a hand through her hair and kissed the top of her head.

He reached around her and managed to maneuver the blanket out from under them and wrap it around them. Thalia curled up against his chest and it didn’t take long before her breathing evened out and she was asleep. Holding her in his arms, he eventually drifted off too.

 

The sudden jerk of Cullen’s body brought Thalia out of her sleep. She sat up and placed a hand on his chest as he twisted and jerked in his sleep, his face contorted in a mixture of rage and pain. He threw an arm over his head as he mumbled something she couldn’t understand.

“Cullen…” Thalia called out softly, her fingers caressing his chest lightly.

Suddenly he took a sharp breath, his eyes popping open. He looked frantically around before his eyes settled on her and he visibly relaxed with a sigh.

“A nightmare?” She asked quietly.

“Yes.” He rolled over on his back and stared at the ceiling. “They always come. They’ve gotten worse, more vivid, since I stopped taking lyrium.”

Thalia leaned over him and pressed her lips to his chest and his arm went around her, drawing her close.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. I don’t want to worry you.”

“It’s all right.” She replied, resting her cheek against his skin. “I’ve always worried about you a little, you should allow me to continue to do so.” She lifted her head again and studied his face.

He gave her a smile and pulled her up for a kiss. “Maker, but I do love you.” He breathed, pushing her hair back from her face and gazing into her gray eyes.

“And I love you.” She replied, cupping his face with her hand.

He let out a sigh. “The sun is coming up. We should get dressed before anyone figures out you’ve been here all night.”

“Let them,” she shrugged. “I don’t care anymore. Besides, I think most had figured out what was going on between us, before even we had.”

“You probably have a point,” Cullen chuckled.

He leaned up in the bed and watched her as she gathered her clothes and started pulling them on. She laced up her gown and quickly tied her hair in place before leaning over the bed to kiss him.

“I’ll see you when you come for me later.” She murmured against his lips.

He watched her climb down the ladder with a small smile on his face. Laying back he stared at the hole in the roof for a few moments before he finally got up and started searching for his own clothes.


	13. Chapter 13

“Gavin, do we have any more witherstalk in the stores? There was only a few stalks of it in the apothecary.” Thalia poked her head into the surgeon’s office.

“Witherstalk?” He looked up at her a frown creasing his forehead as he thought. “There are some packets of the dried herb in the store room.”

“I… uh… need fresh.”

“What on earth…” He raised an eyebrow at her. “Oh, I see. I’m afraid that all we have is dried.  It’s a bit difficult to come by so we stockpile it when we find it. I can check with some of our merchant contacts for you, though. Scout Harding has been in the areas where it’s known to grow, I can also ask her to keep an eye out.”

“Thank you.” Thalia blushed lightly as she turned to leave.

She knew from his reaction that Gavin knew why she wanted the plant. The sap could be used as a preventative. With everything going on around them, the last thing Cullen needed to worry about was a child. They’d been careless before, but counting the days she was pretty sure they were safe. She’d have to make sure to be more diligent from now on.

“Thalia.”

She glanced back at Gavin.

“I’m happy for you two. The Commander is a good man; you both deserve to find some happiness.”

“Thank you.” She nodded as she left the office.

After she finished checking on the last of her patients, she shrugged on her coat and wandered out into the bailey. She breathed in the crisp air and crossed her arms, glancing about. Cullen wasn’t waiting for her and she felt his absence deeply.

The day after they spent the night together the Inquisitor returned from the Western Approach and she, and her advisors, had spent the rest of the day and most of the night locked in the War Room. The very next morning Cullen with the Inquisition’s army departed Skyhold headed for the Western Approach. He was accompanied by the Inquisitor, Bull, Solas, and a Gray Warden by the name of Blackwall, that had joined the Inquisition a few months back.

They were to meet up with another Gray Warden, Stroud, and the Champion of Kirkwall, a young woman named Hawke. Together they were to mount an assault on the Warden stronghold of Adamant Fortress. They had discovered that the Gray Wardens at Adamant had allied with the Venatori and were conducting blood magic rituals in a mislead attempt to end all blights. It was the Inquisitor’s hope that they could somehow make the wardens see their mistake.

They’d been gone nearly three weeks now. It wasn’t the first time Cullen had been away on a mission, but for some reason this time felt different. She was sure it was because of the change in their relationship, but there was something else that pricked at the back of her mind. The worry and fear that now she was a part of someone’s life again, she’d once again be left on her own.

She wandered until she came to the Shrine of Andraste in a small room off the inner courtyard gardens. She stopped and stood in the doorway gazing upon the serene, carved face of the Holy Andraste, her arms outstretched before her, hands upwards. Vines were growing up the skirt of her stone gown and all around her feet were candles that had been lit in prayer. It had been three years since Thalia had knelt before the Maker and his Bride, she wasn’t even sure she remembered the proper words any longer.

She stepped into the shrine and took an unlit candle from a box near the door. Kneeling on one knee before the statue she lit the candle from one of the others and set it on the floor before her. She bent her head until her forehead touched her clasped hands and took a deep breath, willing the words to come to her again. She wondered if the Maker would forgive her many years of silence; her loss of faith. The words of the Canticle of Trials came to her lips and she softly spoke to the still room.

_“Though all before me is shadow,_   
_Yet shall the Maker be my guide._   
_I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Beyond._   
_For there is no darkness in the Maker’s Light_   
_And nothing that He has wrought shall be lost._

_I am not alone._   
_Even as I stumble on the path_   
_With my eyes closed, yet I see_   
_The Light is here.”_

She prayed to the Maker to keep Cullen safe in his battles and to give him the strength to see him through his struggle with lyrium. She prayed for the safety of all the members of the Inquisition and for their triumph at Adamant.

“I never would have taken you for devout,” Dorian raised an eyebrow when he saw Thalia wander out of the shrine a little later.

“I don’t think I’d go that far.” Thalia murmured. “I haven’t been in a shrine in over three years. I’m not sure what pulled me in today.”

“Worry.” The olive-skinned mage said simply.

“Maybe.” Thalia tucked her hands in her coat pockets and looked around the garden. “Three weeks now and still there’s been no word.”

“I for one intend to take that as a good sign.” Dorian turned and followed her as she walked out of the garden towards the bailey. “Don’t worry, your Commander will come back to you.” He said with a smile. “That man would tear down the veil itself to return to you.”

“You give me too much credit.” Thalia hid her face behind her collar.

“You don’t give yourself enough.” Dorian replied. “Look, I don’t know what happened to you, but the Commander is fiercely protective of you and he loves you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you when you’re not paying attention.”

“I find it hard to believe that you don’t know my past considering how much time you spend with Bull and Varric.” Thalia murmured not looking at him.

“You’d be surprised at how tight lipped your friends are.” The mage chuckled.

“Maybe someday I’ll tell you.” Thalia stopped and turned to look at him. “When I trust you more.”

“Fair enough. I’m a trustworthy man, you’ll see that soon enough.” He gave her a grin and a wink. “Look, we all have our secrets and pasts. I suspect every single one of us here has something to hide. I just wanted you to know if you ever need anything, you can count me amongst your friends.”

“Thank you, Dorian.” She touched his arm in appreciation with a small smile. “Now if you’ll excuse me.”

She left the Tevinter mage and went to her room. It was early yet, but she had received a couple of books from Kirkwall, courtesy of Varric, and she wanted to look through them. She was still hunting for a way to help Cullen. Surely somewhere there must have been others that had gone through what he was. Her thoughts went briefly back to the Dorian Pavus. She wondered if there might be information in The Imperium. She’d have to ask him.

A great commotion in the bailey startled Thalia from her sleep. She raised her head and looked around in confusion. She’d fallen asleep sitting on her bed with her back against the wall with one of the Kirkwall books open in her lap. For a moment she couldn’t identify the chaos of noises coming from outside and then suddenly realized it meant the army was back. She leapt from her bed, the book falling forgotten to the floor.

She smoothed her hands over her hair and skirts and ran from the room to join the others in the bailey. She caught sight of Cullen almost immediately. He was standing with the Inquisitor talking to her and Cassandra. As soon as she pushed her way through the people his amber eyes fell on her. With a word to the Inquisitor he turned and crossed the distance between them in just a few long strides.

Thalia let out a surprised gasp as he wordlessly swept her into a crushing embrace, burying his face against her hair. She looked over his shoulder at the somber faces of the Inquisitor and her party. Something was terribly wrong.

“Cullen?” She asked softly as he released her and kissed her forehead. “Are you…”

“I’m fine. It’s just…”

“Where’s Hawke?” Varric pushed through the people and looked over the Inquisitor’s party.

Ellana Lavellan briefly closed her eyes in pain before she looked at the dwarf and shook her head slowly. “I-I’m so sorry, Varric.” She said softly. “She sacrificed herself to save the rest of us. There was nothing we could do to save her.”

“Oh no…” Thalia breathed as Cullen’s arm tightened around her shoulders.

Her heart broke as Varric’s face registered the full pain of the Inquisitor’s words. As the young elven woman stepped towards him, he shook his head and backed away from her. Wordlessly he turned on his heel and walked away.

She’d never met the young woman from Kirkwall, but she heard enough to know just how close Varric was to her. They had met when Hawke had been in Kirkwall about a year and had been constant companions for years. Even after the mage rebellion in Kirkwall that caused Hawke to have to flee the city Varric had been one of the few that always knew where she was and kept in contact with her. The pair truly cared for one another as only two friends who’d been to hell and back together could.

“We managed to take Adamant,” Cullen said quietly. “The remaining Gray Wardens have pledged to the Inquisition, but the price was so very high.”

“I should see if I can help.”

“Give him some time. Right now, nothing you say will do any good.” The Commander shook his head sadly. “The Inquisitor and Cassandra are quite close to him also and will do all they can for him.” He sighed. “I hate to say it, but we’re all used to loss at this point. He’ll be all right.”

It was a terrible world where coping with the loss of loved ones was a commonplace as getting up in the morning. Thalia wished desperately for them to put an end to all of this death and bring some peace to the people. Every single person here deserved a chance to live their lives without the shadow of death hanging over them constantly.

“I should go to the infirmary,” Thalia saw the wounded being brought in the gates.

“I have duties I must attend to also,” Cullen leaned over and murmured in her ear. “Meet me in my quarters later?” He pressed a kiss to her cheek as she nodded. “Maker’s breath, I’m glad to see you.”

 

It was several hours later before Thalia finally left the infirmary. She worked tirelessly side by side with the surgeon seeing to the wounded soldiers that had made it back from the Western Approach. She could tell just from the number of wounded that it had been a hard fight. There had been quite a few lost and even more now that would not be able to return to their duties for a while yet.

“Thalia,” Gavin stopped and put a hand on her shoulder as she bent over to check on a young woman. “Go.”

“But,” She straightened up at looked around the infirmary.

“I believe the Commander needs you also. Go to him. We’ll be fine here now.”

“Thank you.” Thalia replied as she untied her apron.

She dropped the bloody apron into a basket of other soiled linens and picked up her coat from by the door. With a last look around the place she left to see if Cullen had returned to his room yet.

She was standing in his office looking over the books on the shelves when he finally returned. She turned to him as he closed the door and leaned against it briefly. She went to him and let him pull her into his arms. She could see his exhaustion in his eyes and the deepened lines of his face. The toll of this mission had been so very hard on him. Wordlessly they pulled apart and climbed the ladder to his bedroom.

Thalia helped him unbuckle his armor, carefully setting aside each piece to be cleaned later. She untied the laces of his shirt and pushed it off over his head.

“You’re wounded!” She gasped as she dropped the shirt on the floor, seeing the bloody bandages around his shoulder.

“I’m fine.” He moved his shoulder stiffly as if to prove to her it was true.

“Who treated this?”

“One of the Wardens while we… waited…”

She frowned. She’d heard from the soldiers in the infirmary about the Inquisitor’s physical journey into the Fade with the Warden and her party. They should have never survived, but somehow they did. They had returned through another rift inside the fortress; shaken, but unharmed. All except for Hawke. From what Thalia had gathered if it hadn’t been for Hawke they would never have made it out.

“Sit,” She pointed to the bed. “I’ll be right back.”

She rushed from his room to hers at the base of the stairs. She gathered several supplies from her private store before returning to him. She took no argument from him as she carefully unwound the bandage with a frown. Running down the back of his shoulder were three deep furrows, still seeping blood. This was no sword wound.

“Cullen, what…”

“Demons.”

“Why didn’t you have the mages take care of this?”

“They were busy taking care of the others. After that there just wasn’t time.”

She sighed. It was like him to put himself after all the rest. Wordlessly she bent over his wounds, cleaning them carefully before she applied a salve that would stop the last of the bleeding and speed along the healing. Once she was done she wrapped his shoulder in fresh bandages.

He was nearly asleep by the time she tied off the bandage. With a tender smile she pushed him back on the bed and then loosened up the laces of her dress before she lay down beside him.  They almost immediately fell asleep, their mutual exhaustion overtaking them. Her last thought was of how safe she felt curled up against his side with his arm wrapped around her shoulders.


	14. Chapter 14

“I think you should learn to fight.”

“Excuse me?” Thalia looked up from her reading to stare at Cullen.

He came around and leaned on the front of his desk, studying her. “Just hear me out. I know you have no desire to become the warrior your mother was, but you should be at least able to defend yourself if the need arises.”

She set her book aside and met his gaze steadily. Had Adamant shaken him that much? “Cullen, I’m a healer. I’m not sure I could harm another person even to defend myself.” Even though she had once before, she wasn’t sure she could do it again.

He took her hands and drew her to her feet, folding her into his arms. She leaned against his armor and breathed in his scent. “I’d like to think that you’d never need it here inside these walls, but I’d feel better knowing you could defend yourself.”

“All right.”

He leaned back and looked into her face in surprise. He had expected more of an argument from her about it.

“Truthfully, mother had started teaching me when I was young. I didn’t get very far in my training before she was called to Ostagar. Father may have made armor and weapons, but he was no fighter, so my training ended with her death.” She reached up and cupped his face. “If it will make you feel better, then I’ll try.”

“Thank you. I’ve already spoken to Gavin about adding training into your rotation. You’ll take less hours there and work with me in the mornings.”

She arched an eyebrow. “You’re going to teach me personally?”

“Not all the time, but as much as I’m able to.”

He lowered his head and kissed her, his hands tightening on her waist. Thalia let out a soft sigh and melted against him, her hand gripping his armored shoulders. They had both been so busy since he returned from the Western Approach that they hadn’t found the time to be together again. This morning was the first time she’d been able to spend some time in quiet with him. Cullen made a sound in his throat and his kiss became more demanding as his hand slid along her back, molding her body to his.

She found that she thrilled in the knowledge that he wanted her just as much as she did him. Not caring where they were, she reached up and started undoing the buckles of his armor. For once neither of them had to be anywhere this morning and she suddenly had the intention of taking every advantage of that. One of his vambraces was suddenly freed from his arm and hit the desk with a thud and he raised his head to look at her in surprise.

He had to admit that he figured it would be quite a while before she found enough confidence to initiate intimacy between them. It seemed he had read her wrong on that account. Their night together had resolved much of their nervousness around once another. The knowledge that they cared for one another had settled them, though he still found times where he wasn’t quite sure what to do with her. He assumed that would take care of itself with more time. After all, they’d not had the chance to spend that much time with one another.

He pushed away from the desk and turned her around, holding her by the waist he lifted her until she was sitting on his desk. With an amused glimmer in his eyes he stepped in between her knees, lowered his head and proceeded to ravish her mouth. She moaned lightly and wrapped her arms around his neck, arching against him as he leaned over her.

Thalia’s breath quickened as he leaned down to run his mouth along the side of her neck, stopping to nip at her ear. She went back to pulling at his buckles, quickly loosening his breastplate. He pulled away long enough to remove his coat and finish removing the armor, dropping it to the floor. He pulled his gloves off and leaning back over her he gathered the material of her skirt in his hands, pushing it up until he could slide his hand underneath to run along the soft skin of her thigh.

She leaned back on the desk and let him untie the laces at her neck and bodice. He started to push her blouse from her shoulders, pressing his mouth to her skin as he revealed it.

Thalia froze as someone knocked on the tower door. Her wide gray eyes met his in horror. It was the middle of the morning and they hadn’t considered that anyone could come by. Cullen closed his eyes and thanked the Maker that at least they hadn’t just walked in as was the habit of most around here. He pulled away from her and cursed under his breath as he stalked to the door. It was one of the other young healers from the infirmary with the daily report on the soldiers that were still there. He took it rather tersely, his eyes daring the young man to say anything about his disheveled appearance. The young man’s face flushed bright as he realized what had probably been going on. With a stammered apology he shoved the report into Cullen’s hands and fled.

Cullen slammed the door shut and threw the lock to keep anyone from just walking in. Turning around he discovered Thalia gone. A small smile crossed his face. He’d heard her at the ladder when his back was turned and knew she had fled to the loft to avoid being seen. He crossed the floor and locked the other door before following her.

When he reached the loft he found Thalia standing in the floor, her eyes wide and clutching her loosened dress to her.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think…” She murmured her face flushing hotly.

“I locked the doors. They can beat the blasted things down for all I care.” He growled crossing the floor to stand in front of her.

Something about the intensity of his frustration caused Thalia to suddenly laugh, soft and melodious. Cullen’s eyebrows shot up at the sound. It was the first time he’d heard her genuinely laugh since they’d met. He’d seen her happy, or so he thought, but she never laughed and the sound of it pierced his heart. All he knew was he would do anything to hear that sound from her again.

“Thalia…” He breathed locking eyes with her.

They came together suddenly desperate for one another’s touch. Breathlessly they got one another out of the rest of their clothing, letting the items fall where they may. Cullen swept the young woman into his arms and bore her to the bed, laying her down gently before following her.

She gasped and arched against him as he explored her soft skin with hands and lips, setting her aflame wherever he touched her. He leaned down and pressed his lips to her stomach, her muscles quivering under his touch. She let out a sharp cry and threaded her fingers through his hair as he moved lower and tasted of her. Heat flushed through her and he placed one hand across her stomach to hold her as she cried his name her back arching off the bed.

He’d never done this to anyone before, but he’d heard enough talk amongst the other Templars in his youth to know what he was about. He used her breathless cries to guide him; feeling her body go taut and then melt into the mattress as she found her pleasure, his name on her lips.

He kissed his way back to her mouth, capturing her lips and claiming her in an almost bruising kiss. She hooked one leg behind his and reached between them, drawing a groan from him as she took him in her hand and guided him to her. His hands braced beside her head, he leaned his forehead against hers as he carefully moved into her willing heat. He was still afraid of hurting her with his eagerness and fought to continuously hold himself in check.

He held himself above her as he started to move, watching her pleasure play across her features. Her hands gripped his shoulders as she moved with him, her back arching off the bed to meet him. He leaned back and reached between them to touch her. He needed to see her fall apart again; to see her face. It only took a few swirls of his fingers and her head fell back on the bed, her lips parted in a soundless cry. Her body clenched around him and with her name on his lips he gathered her into his arms and with a final surge forward he found his own pleasure.

After, he lay on his back, his fingers idly toying with the black waves of her hair as she lay on her stomach, her cheek pressed against his chest. She closed her eyes and let the steady beat of his heart lull her into a peaceful doze.

“You should stay here with me.”

Thalia raised her head, her gray eyes meeting his amber ones. “I’m sorry?”

He let out a sigh and rubbed one hand over his eyes. “That didn’t come out right. What I mean is…” He shifted and sat up, pulling her up to sit facing him. “I want… I’d like you to be here. With me. All the time.” Flustered, he chuckled and shook his head. “This all sounded so much better in my head.”

“Are you asking me to move in here with you?”

“I suppose I am.” He watched her face intently. “I love you. I want to be with you as much as possible. I don’t know what’s going to happen when this is all over, if we’ll even survive it, but in the meantime I want you with me.”

Thalia climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him thoroughly. “In that case I will.”

“Only if it’s what you want too.” His arms tightened around her.

“It is.” She murmured with a smile. “I love you, Cullen. I’d be happy to be here with you.”

“We should gather your things…” He drew in a breath as she leaned in and kissed his neck. “I can help.”

“I don’t have much.” She breathed against his ear. “It can wait a little longer.” She shifted and straddled his lap, her fingers finding him and stroking him gently. “I finally have you at my mercy, I’m not ready to let you go.” She told him with a sultry laugh.

“Maker’s breath…” He gasped, her touch and the sound of her laugh sending thrills of pleasure through him. “Damn insatiable woman!” He murmured breathlessly against her mouth before he kissed her.

Not that he minded in the least. To awaken this side of her was the most wonderful surprise he ever could have received.

 

“We need to find you some other clothes.” Cullen commented much later as he watched Thalia fold her other two gowns into a neat bundle.

“Hmmm. I suppose you’re right.” She said handing him a couple more books to add to her growing stack. “If I’m going to be practicing with you, I’ll need something else besides my gowns.”

He looked at the bed and chuckled. It seemed Thalia valued books above all else. She had an extensive collection of books on healing and herbs from all over Thedas. He picked one up with a raised eyebrow.

“How did you ever manage to get a book from Orzammar?”

“There was a dwarven merchant that passed through last month that happened to have it. He figured he’d never manage to sell it so he let me have it for only a couple silver.” She added a wrapped bundle with a hair brush and a few other items to the folded gowns. “That’s everything.”

“That’s it?” He said surprised.

“I told you I didn’t have much.” She blushed and ducked her head. “I never required a lot anyway and then I lived off the generosity of the Chantry for so long, I didn’t ask for much.”

He reached out and lifted her chin with his hand until her gaze met his. “You should have more, though. You should have pretty things, not just serviceable items.”

“I’m happy with my books.”

“So I can see.” He smiled and kissed her gently. “I’ll have another bookshelf made for you. You shouldn’t have to mix your books in with mine.”

She gathered up her clothes, while he picked up the stack of books. “Thank you.” She said softly, tears pricking at her eyelids. Just a simple gesture as that was a kindness she never expected to see again.

“Let’s get this stuff to my quarters and then we’ll go see the merchants about some other clothes for you.”

They left her things in his room to be sorted later and went to speak with a couple of merchants that were set up permanently in the lower bailey. Thalia managed to find a couple of sets of clothes, leather trousers and loose fitting tops which she was able to purchase for a modest amount. Cullen tried to pay for the items for her, but she refused. She’d saved up enough coin from her work to pay for them easily and she liked the freedom to be able to do so.

While she was taking care of her purchases he wandered off in the direction of another booth. She was just paying for a new pair of boots when he returned and laid another package on top of the rest of her items. She glanced at him questioningly.

“You’ll need to wear armor at least for training,” He gestured at the package. “All good armor starts with a decent gambeson.”

“Ah.” Of course he was right. She knew enough from her father’s work that padding underneath one’s armor was as important as the armor itself. “Thank you.” She smiled at him. She wouldn’t argue him buying this for her; she knew he wanted to do something for her.

Suddenly the color drained from her face. Armor. She’d forgotten. She’d hidden it away so well and tried to put it out of her mind for so long that she’d forgotten it.

“We have to go back to my room.” She turned to Cullen, panic crossing her face. “Before someone else… I forgot something!”

He gathered up her purchases and followed her back to her room. Inside he watched as she knelt on the floor beside the bed and pulled out a large canvas pack. From the sounds it made he knew exactly what it was and gave her a questioning look.

“It was my mother’s.” She said running her fingers over the canvas. “It was the last thing father did before he… it was important to him that I have it.”

Back in his quarters, he put her items away while she sat on his bed and finally untied the drawstring on the pack. He sat down beside her while she carefully pulled out the breastplate and turned it over in her hands.

It was beautiful. The armor was black with bright blue lines running along the edges. In the center of the breastplate was a stylized griffon etched with the same sapphire blue. Turning it over she located her father’s mark on the inside, a black lotus stamped into the metal with his initials, PM, underneath. Thalia believed it was the finest work her father had ever done.

“Thalia,” Cullen said quietly taking his eyes off the armor and studying her intently. “Your mother… how much do you know about her?”

“Not much. She wasn’t around a lot when I was growing up. She’d come into town for brief periods of time to see us. When I was around eight she started teaching me to fight when she was around, but she’d always leave again. Then, when I was ten, she was gone. Father told me she had fallen at Ostagar fighting beside King Cailan.”

He cleared his throat and rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. “Did she… or did your father ever mention why she was gone so much?” He took the breastplate from her and turned it over in his hands, studying the workmanship.

“Just that she was a warrior and a restless spirit. It wasn’t her nature to stay put, even after having a child. It was also why she never agreed to marry father.” She looked at Cullen’s intense expression questioningly. “Why?”

“I believe your mother might have been a Gray Warden.”

“That’s impossible.” Thalia went cold. “Gray Wardens don’t have…”

“They do. It’s rare and they don’t talk about it, but it’s possible.” He replied. “Your father repaired the damage from her last battle. What was her name?”

“Elovra Malanial.”

“Would you allow me to look into this?”

Thalia nodded mutely. This was all a bit unsettling. It was as if, after twenty years, she was finding out that she wasn’t the person she thought she was. Cullen leaned over and kissed her gently, slipping his arms around her. She leaned into him and buried her face against his shoulder.

“It matters not to me. I just think you should know who you came from.” He reassured her. “Let’s get some sleep and I’ll check into this first thing in the morning.”


	15. Chapter 15

Thalia let out a groan as she fell into the chair in Cullen’s office. She was sure at this point her entire body was nothing but a mass of bruises and aching muscles. When Cullen said that he wanted her trained, she figured she’d learn some basics and be done with it. Instead it seemed that the Commander wanted her put through the full training regimen.

She had considered protesting at first, but she didn’t want to disappoint him. He seemed so adamant that she do this. After a short time, she started to find that if, nothing else; she was enjoying the daily exercise. She was getting stronger and that also helped her with dealing with her patients.

At first they had started her out like all the other soldiers, with sword and shield. It didn’t take long for Cullen to decide she wasn’t suited for those and switched her to a short sword and dagger. She excelled in those much to his delight. He hadn’t been able to work with her as much as he wanted, but he’d left her in the very capable hands of one of his captains.

One that seemed to like to beat her to death; she groaned again as she sat forward and started undoing the buckles of her mother’s armor. It seemed that she was similar to her mother in size and luckily the armorer had only had to adjust the length of some of the straps to make it fit her properly. The armor truly was a piece of work; it was quite light, but as strong as anyone else’s.

She slipped off the breast plate and turned it over in her hands, her fingers tracing her father’s stamp. How he had managed to retrieve the entire set of armor from Ostagar was beyond her. He must have had someone get it. She had no memory of him leaving home for more than a day or two. That made her wonder; what had happened to her mother’s body?

“Are you all right?” Cullen’s voice broke into her musings as he walked through the door.

“Ah, yes. I was just thinking.” She set the breast plate aside and added her back plate to it before she started unbuckling the rest of the pieces.

He set some reports on his desk and turned to study her. “Anything I can help with?”

“No,” She shrugged out of her gambeson and quickly hung the items on an armor stand Cullen had set up for her in the corner of the office. “I was just… remembering. I vaguely remember the news reaching us that King Cailan had fallen and most of his soldiers with him. I remember about the destruction of the Gray Wardens and Teyrn Loghain’s accusations that they’d betrayed the king; and the news later that it had in fact been Loghain’s betrayal that lost Ostagar. I don’t remember specifically getting news of mother or how father managed to acquire her armor afterwards.”

“You were a child; it’s not surprising there are things you don’t remember. There were probably things that your father didn’t tell you.” Cullen took her by the wrist and pulled her to him in a warm embrace.

“Hmmm, you’re probably right.” She murmured pressing her cheek against the fur of his collar. “I need to change and get to the infirmary.”

“I’ll be gone until late tonight. The Inquisitor has returned and would like to speak to the three of us this evening.”

“I’d like to stop by the tavern after my rounds and see how Bull is adjusting anyways.” She leaned back and smiled at him.

His expression turned serious as he lowered his head and kissed her soundly before reluctantly letting her go. Even staying together in the same quarters, they didn’t see one another as often as he’d like. They were both prone to staying busy to start with and as the days wore on it seemed they just got busier and busier. They found brief moments through the day to steal a kiss or a brief touch and then would be off on some other duty.

Their days were long and nights short and many nights they were both too tired to do more than fall into bed together and sleep in one another’s arms. The nights they did come together, Cullen reveled in Thalia’s enthusiasm and responsiveness. Despite earlier abuses, she had no fear of him and wanted to learn all she could.

In their bed there was no trace of the shy, nervous girl he had originally met; she smiled more and laughed more often. With other people her true, spirited nature was also coming out more and more. He knew this was the woman she was meant to be before Simon Agate had shattered her world and he loved her more each day for finding the courage to face down her past.

Thalia came back down the ladder, now changed into her usual gown and boots and Cullen smiled as he stole a glance at the swing of her hips as she climbed down. When she reached the bottom she turned and found him right behind her, his eyes glittering intensely. He grabbed the sides of the ladder on each side of her face and she gave a startled squeak as he pressed her back against the rungs with his body, his lips hungrily claiming hers. Her arms went around his neck and she pulled him close, her fingers tangling in his short hair.

“How late do you think you’ll be?” She murmured with a shiver as he nipped at the side of her neck.

“I’ll return as quickly as I can.”

“See that you do.”

She wriggled out from under his arms and walked backwards away from him. With a low laugh she side stepped him as he reached for her again and then wagged a finger at him. “I have patients to see to, Commander. I don’t have time to play with you… right now.”

She let the last part of her sentence hand in the air between them as she slipped out the door, leaving him staring after her.

“Maker’s breath,” he chuckled with a shake of his head. How he had ever managed to find this amazing woman, and to get to see her come into her own in such a fantastic and seductive way, was beyond him.

 

The Iron Bull was Ben Hassrath, which meant he was a spy for the Qunari. He’d been sent to Orlais under the guise of Tal-Vashoth, an outcast from the Qunari, to work as a mercenary and gather information on the Orlesian nobles. He never made any secret of his occupation when he joined the Inquisition. He made an agreement with the Inquisitor that while he would continue sending information back to the Qun about the Inquisition and the breach; he would also relay any information he gathered to the Inquisition.

Recently they’d received word of a shipment of red lyrium being brought in on the Storm Coast. This had resulted in a joint operation between the Inquisition and the Qunari to stop the lyrium from reaching land. Success meant an unprecedented alliance between the Inquisition and the Qun; except they didn’t succeed. The mission had gone badly and Bull was faced with the choice of sacrificing his Chargers and stopping the ship or ordering his men to pull back, which allowed the ship containing the lyrium to escape and destroy the Qunari ship chasing them in the process. With the Inquisitor’s support he chose to save his men.

He was now outcast from his people, never to be allowed to return to his home of Par Vollen; a Tal-Vashoth for real. Not that he seemed to care a whole lot, at least not on the outside.

Thalia studied Bull quietly, noting the faint tension in the casual way he was leaning back in his chair with one arm slung over the back. Though he never missed a beat in his conversation; his eye never stopped scanning the people in the tavern. She could see lines of tension around his eye and mouth. He might say that he was all right, but he was definitely expecting trouble of some sort.

“How is he doing?” She leaned over and spoke quietly to Varric.

“Tiny? He’ll be fine.” Varric took a drink of his ale. “He’s lived as Tal-Vashoth for so long that it’s not much of a transition for him.” The dwarf leaned back in his chair and eyed her. “Curly must be tied up with the Inquisitor.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because you’re here,” Bull slammed his empty mug on the table and called for another round of drinks.

She laughed and took a drink of her mead. Seeing the surprised look Varric shot in her direction she raised an eyebrow at him in question.

“I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you laugh in all the months we’ve known you; sure, a smile or a chuckle now and then, but never a genuine laugh.”

“The Commander must be loving you right and proper.” Bull commented with a wink and a grin.

Thalia choked on her mead and her face flamed bright at the comment as she sank a little lower in her chair.

 “Well, that answers that.” Varric laughed as he clapped a hand on her back. “Seriously, Kitten, you’ve been good for each other. I don’t think there’s anyone here that isn’t happy that you found one another.”

“I’m relieved to know we have your approval,” Cullen sat down beside Thalia and raised an eyebrow at Varric with a smirk.

“It always helps to know your friends stand behind you.” Bull added quietly.

Cullen took Thalia’s hand under the table and gave it a light squeeze. They both understood the meaning behind Bull’s words. It would be the friendship he found here amongst the Inquisition that would make the Qunari’s banishment tolerable.

Bull cleared his throat and took a deep drink of his ale. “So, what does the Inquisitor plan to do next?”

“We need to do something to cut off the source of the red lyrium, that’s for sure.” Varric replied.

“Yes, that will be one of the next steps.”” Cullen smiled his thanks to the barmaid as she set a mug of ale in front of him. He took a drink before continuing. “Meanwhile, we’ve had several reports now of a possible attempt on the life of Empress Celene in Orlais. She’s holding peace talks with her cousin, Grand Duke Gaspard, thinly disguised as a ball at the Winter Palace in Halamshiral. It is expected that the assassination attempt will take place during this ball.”

“And I assume that the Inquisitor will be attending.” Varric said with a shake of his head. To him getting involved in Orlesian politics was not a good move.

“She will, along with her advisors and three of you.” Cullen said with a bit of a wince.

 “You’re going to attend?” Thalia glanced at him in surprise. A royal ball didn’t strike her as something Cullen would be even remotely interested in.

“One of the disadvantages of being an advisor to the Inquisitor and the commander of her army,” He sighed. “I actually came looking for you to tell you and ask if you would accompany me.”

“No.”

Cullen looked surprised and at first she refused to meet his questioning gaze. “You have to go, I understand that, but I don’t. I’m familiar enough with the intrigues of Orlesian nobles to know that I could never play their games. At a function like that, they’d eat me alive. I have neither the training nor the bearing to navigate those waters.”

 “She’s got a point, Curly.” Varric spoke up. “She is a smith’s daughter; she’s had none of the experiences those people have had. They’d think she was a toy for them to play with until she breaks.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Cullen leaned forward on the table and looked at her. “Forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive. I understand you wanting me there, but I feel I’d do more harm than help.”

“Ah, I almost forgot.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a rolled up paper. “This came for you. It’s about the inquiries I’ve been making about your mother.”

Thalia turned the roll over in her hand, glancing up she met his amber eyes before she took a deep breath and broke the wax seal on the scroll. The table grew quiet as she read the letter, tears welling up in her eyes.

“You okay?” Bull finally broke the silence.

She looked up at him, her cheeks wet, before she glanced at Varric and then over at Cullen. “Have you read this?”

“No. I felt that it was something that you should see first.”

She leaned over against him and he put an arm around her shoulders, murmuring quietly to her as she regained her composure.

“Well, now I know for sure. This was why mother was rarely around.” She took a deep breath. “My mother, Elovra Malanial, was a Gray Warden. She did indeed die at Ostagar fighting alongside King Cailan.”

“What sort of a mother would leave her child behind to join the Wardens?” Bull said quietly.

“There was a blight starting, the Wardens needed all the help they could get.” Thalia replied. “Besides, Mother was a Warden already when I was conceived.”

“Well, that’s rare.” Varric stated in surprise.

“But not unheard of.” Cullen told him. “Elovra was one of the rare few. She tried to be a mother to Thalia, but her duties with the Wardens kept her away most of the time.”

“They said she was well-respected amongst her fellow Wardens and her death was deeply mourned.” Thalia read over the paper again. “She was from Orlais. She was with the Wardens in Orlais until she chose to join the Ferelden Wardens against the darkspawn.” She said in surprise.

“I would imagine it was in order to protect her family.” Varric said. “A child born to a Warden.” He shook his head in wonder. “Do you suppose that’s why you can do what you do?”

“Maybe.” Thalia frowned. “I would have to find other children like me to find out.”

“Maybe when this is over, we can do that.” Cullen said, his hand tightening on her shoulder. He then leaned over and murmured in her ear. “I’ll be gone all day tomorrow with preparations to leave and we’re leaving the day after, do you suppose we could sneak away and spend what time we have tonight… _alone_?”

She chuckled at the emphasis he put on the word, alone. With a smile she said her good byes to the others and let Cullen draw her to her feet and lead her from the Tavern amidst good natured ribbing from Varric and Bull. In their loft Cullen took her in his arms and she melted against him as he kissed her until her head spun.

For the first time in her life she felt complete. She knew exactly who she was. The daughter of a blacksmith and his Gray Warden lover and she had found her heart and soul in this former Templar who held her so gently in his arms.


	16. Chapter 16

_(Author's Note: This chapter does touch slightly on the developing relationship between Bull and Dorian)_

 

Thalia said goodbye to Varric and stepped out of The Herald’s Rest into Skyhold’s frigid night air. She wrapped her coat tighter around her and took a deep breath, enjoying the burn of the cold as it hit her lungs. With Cullen gone and not due to return for several more days, she’d fallen into the habit of going to the tavern after her shift at the infirmary. She found the company there comforting in his absence.

Her nightmares had never completely left her, but she had found safety in Cullen’s arms. It made them more tolerable. He woke with her in the night when her dreams interrupted her sleep and in his gentle manner always managed to sooth away her fear so that she could go back to sleep. In return when his lyrium dreams woke him, she was there to hold and comfort him until he came back to himself. When the pain came, she was able to calm him; her unique ability making his symptoms more bearable.

She missed him. It was as simple as that. She sighed as she reached the top of the stairs to their tower room. She decided she wasn’t ready to face their bed alone and turned to the right and climbed the next set of stairs to the top of the battlements. She occasionally passed one of the soldiers patrolling the wall and they would nod respectfully to her as they passed by. She knew that, even though he was gone, his soldiers kept an eye on her to make sure she was safe.

She stopped along the wall and leaned on the rough stone, looking down into the bailey. Even now, in the late evening, the open area below was peppered with firelight. She could make out the shadows of people moving about in the cold night as they went about whatever nighttime errands they had. A cold breeze drifted along the wall and lifted her black hair from her face and she closed her eyes lifting her face into it. For a while she was content to just stand there in the relative quiet and enjoy the coolness of the night.

She eventually turned to go to her room when she bumped into a young man on the battlement behind her. He was very young, her age if she guessed right. Long faced and serious, his steel blue eyes were almost hidden behind his shaggy, flaxen hair.

“E-Excuse me,” she took a step backwards, her back hitting the stone wall as he stared at her intently.

“You’re Cullen’s,” he said simply, cocking his head slightly.

“Ah, yes, I suppose I am.”

“I felt your sadness; sharp and fathomless. You feel as if you are trapped and defined by your despair; that you will suffer for a lifetime for your mistakes.”

Thalia took a sharp intake of air. “I’m sorry. I have to go.” She turned to flee from this strange man when he stepped in front of her.

“Listen, please. I want to help. It wasn’t your fault. You can’t be held to blame for the closed minded hatred that another bears. If it hadn’t been you, he would have hurt another. In defending yourself you _saved_ another from harm.”

“How do….”

“Your father wanted nothing more than to see you safe and happy. He never suffered a moment’s regret for any of his actions.” He leaned closer to her. “Not even sacrificing himself. It was all worth it if there was a chance you’d be safe… and happy.”

Stunned, she blinked at him in shock. How could he know all these things about her? “Who are you? Are you a friend of Cullen’s, or one of the others? Did one of them tell you about me?”

“Friend. No. Maybe. Cullen is friend, but he’d never reveal your secrets to anyone but the Inquisitor. He loves you.” The young man said quietly. “Safe and solid, protecting and proud. He feels like quiet, stronger when you hold him.”

“I-I…” She blinked for a moment and when she opened her eyes the young man was gone.

She looked around in shock and then fled down the stairs. Shaking she turned and started to her room when he appeared again in front of her. She let out a sharp cry of surprise, holding her hands out in front of her as if to ward him off.

 “Please, leave me be.” She gasped, taking a step back.

He reached out and took her wrist. “I would never hurt you, but you need to be careful. Shadows lurk around your edges; waiting, watching. Your past reaches through them and wants to drag you back into darkness.”

“What are you talking about?” Thalia jerked her wrist free and wrapped her arms around herself.

“Lock your doors. Be cautious until he returns to watch over you. Until then, I will try.” He tilted his head to study her pale face. “I won’t make you forget. You need to remember to stay safe.”

“Pretty sure I won’t forget you…” She felt for the dagger she now usually carried on her hip, only to realize she had forgotten to put it on when she changed earlier.

“No. You won’t. You’re similar, but you’re not the same.”

“Similar to what?”

But he was gone again. Thalia stood shivering in the cold night for quite a while, waiting to see if the strange young man appeared again. She played his words over in her mind. It seemed that he thought she was in danger from someone, but who? Was there someone from her past here at Skyhold? Should his words be trusted? She’d have to ask Varric and the others tomorrow and see if they could tell her who he was for a start.

When she reached her room she stopped and stared at a sheet of paper pinned to the door with a small dagger. She wondered if this was another of the young man’s warnings as she pulled the dagger from the wood and turned the paper over in her had.

Her blood ran ice cold as she read the words scrawled on the paper.

 

_What would your lover and friends say if they knew you were nothing more than the murdering, bastard of a knife-eared whore?_

 

Thalia’s head snapped up and she scanned the dark night around her. Not taking her eyes off her surroundings she reached behind her until her hand hit the latch on the door. She pulled it and swiftly turned around and darted inside. After she threw the locks on the doors she sat in the chair across from Cullen’s desk, the paper crumpled in her hand, and stared at the window. It felt as if her throat were closing as she struggled to draw a breath, her terror rising within her. Her past was catching up to her; just as she always knew it would.

She didn’t know why she was so frightened. Everyone close to her knew, but her mind kept going back to the young man’s cryptic words. He had been adamant that she was in some sort of danger; he mentioned her past. Was this the source? Was _he_ the source?

 She sat long into the night before she managed to finally gain control of herself. Every little sound outside the room caused her to jump. She imagined she saw movements in the shadows thrown by the fireplace. Eventually exhaustion overtook her and she tucked her legs underneath her. Curled up in the chair, she dozed fitfully, her dagger clutched in her hand.

 

Thalia slept little over the next few nights, waking frequently at some imagined noise in the room. There hadn’t been any more notes, no one had made contact with her, and she hadn’t seen the strange young man again.

A quick query with Varric had told her that his name was Cole. He had been with them since Haven though most people didn’t remember seeing him. He explained that Solas suspected that the young man was a spirit of the fade who somehow had made himself _real_ for some reason. He was empathic and was driven to try and ease the pain of the people around him. People forgot him within a few minutes after seeing him unless he chose to allow them to remember.

Varric told her he stayed in a room over the bar, but so far she hadn’t been able to locate him. She wanted to speak with him, find out what he knew about the note.

She returned to her room early in the evening and climbing the ladder she sagged wearily on the edge of the bed. Between broken sleep and frayed nerves, she was exhausted. She pulled her dagger from its sheath on her hip and slipped it under her pillow before she stripped off her gown and pulled on one of Cullen’s large shirts. She found it more comfortable than her night clothes and it made her feel closer to him while he was gone. Falling into the bed she pulled a blanket up around her and tried to seek what sleep she was able to before her nightmares woke her again.

A short time later she shot up from the bed, her dagger in her hand. She was sure she’d heard soft noises in the office below. Creeping to the edge of the loft she crouched down and peered into the dim room below. There was nothing there that she could see. With a deep breath she climbed down and looked around the room.

A chill tore through her as she saw another piece of paper pinned to her armor. She walked over and tore it off the breastplate and read it quickly.

 

_Your guilt cannot be erased by a few good acts. Your human lover cannot protect you from paying for your crimes. You will join the knife-eared whore that spawned you._

 

She crumpled the paper and dropped it, her hand going to her throat. Suddenly the air in the room was suffocating her. She needed to get away. She needed to find someplace safe, someplace where he couldn’t find her. Gasping for air she ran to Cullen’s desk and ripped open the drawers, pawing frantically through them until she came up with his key to the tower at the far end of the battlements. Thalia ran from the room as if the demons of the fade were on her heels.

 

“Are you sure this is wise?”

“You wanted to go someplace we wouldn’t be bothered, or discovered. No one will think to look for us here.”

“I didn’t want to freeze to death in the process. And where did you manage to get a key?”

“The Commander gave it to me before he left, in case. And you won’t have a chance to free- shit!”

As the door swung open Thalia lunged at Bull with a shriek and a wild swing of her dagger.

“Thalia?” The Qunari rumbled in shock grabbing her arm.

Lost in her terror she screamed and managed to tear herself away from him with a sharp kick to his shins.

“Fuck, Dorian, grab her. I’m afraid I’ll hurt her.” Bull yelled as the mage sprinted around behind her.

Dorian managed to duck another swing from her dagger, bringing his arm up and knocking her arm aside with a sharp crack. Before she could recover he pressed his forearm against her throat and propelled her backwards against the wall with a thud.

“Thalia!” The mage held her pinned against the wall as he tried to get through to her. “Thalia! It’s Dorian! Bull is here! Whatever is wrong, we can help you!”

He could see in her eyes that she was completely disconnected. She looked through him to some imagined terror as she struggled violently against his grip.

“She’s totally lost it.”

“I know.” Dorian replied through clenched teeth.

He reached up with one hand and pressed his fingertips to the side of her forehead. Bright light bloomed behind her eyes and then all went dark. Thalia slumped forward and the mage caught her, lifting her in his arms.

“Knock out spell,” He said simply at the questioning look on Bull’s face.

“Wouldn’t a sleep spell have been more appropriate?”

“I think our best choice is for her to be out for a while. She’ll have one hell of a headache when she comes too, but she’ll be okay.” He looked down at her with a frown. “The Inquisitor is due back any time over the next couple of days. We’ll watch over her until then, but a message should be left with the guards at the gate for the Commander.”

“I’ll tell them. You have one of the larger rooms here, take her there for now.”

“I’ll meet you there.”

Dorian carried Thalia from the broken tower towards the great hall. He had quarters off the hall as did any of the other companions that wished it. Most of the others had instead chosen to spread out across the fortress, taking rooms at the tavern and the various towers, but he preferred the dry warmth of the hall. In his room he carefully laid the unconscious girl in his bed and pulled his blanket up around her.

“Stupid kid,” He murmured fondly as he swept her disheveled hair from her face. “You could have frozen to death up there wearing only that.” He pulled a chair up beside the bed and sat down. “And just what were you hiding from? What frightened you so badly?”

“Her past stalks her, torments her.”

Dorian turned his head and glared at Cole suddenly standing by the door to his room. “And do you have anything to do with this.”

“I watch and try to protect,” Cole’s light eyes studied Thalia. “but the shadows go where I can’t see. I did not know she had left.”

“I thought she had reconciled with her past.” Bull stepped into the room. “The Inquisitor judged her and passed sentence.”

“That which haunts does not recognize the Inquisitor’s authority. He’s waited for years, watching and searching. He’s found her and now he waits and torments; hungry, so hungry. He won’t be satisfied until her blood runs over his blade, but first he will take her mind.”

With that Cole was gone again, left as silently as he had appeared. Dorian shook his head, the young man disconcerted him with his strange ways. He was aware of what they thought Cole was and that he was some sort of hedge mage; a being whose magic manifests in unusual ways; barely controllable. It didn’t make interacting with him any less… disturbing.

“Well, all I got out of that was someone is stalking her for something she did in the past.” Dorian looked to Bull in question.

“I’ll tell you about it while we wait.” Bull grabbed another chair and settled in it. “She doesn’t want anyone else to know, but I think maybe you should.”


	17. Chapter 17

_(Author's Note: This chapter does touch slightly on the developing relationship between Bull and Dorian)_

 

“Whoa, slow down there!”

Firm, gentle hands stopped Thalia as she tried to suddenly lunge from the bed. Her head exploded in pain and she leaned forward burying her head in her hands. She felt the weight of someone sit on the bed beside her and an arm went around her shoulders.

“I’m sorry about your head. The spell was the best way to keep you from hurting yourself or someone else last night.”

Thalia forced her eyes open and turned her head to look at Dorian’s concerned face. “W-what happened?” She gasped against the pain.

“You don’t remember?” He raised an eyebrow at her.

“The l-last thing I r-remember is falling… asleep…”

 “Hmmm,” He reached over and placed his hand on her head. As he did so she felt a warm pulse behind her eyes. The blinding pain in her head eased and she took a deep breath, letting it out in a relieved sigh.

“Healing was never my focus, but I can at least get rid of pain I caused in the first place.” He gave her a crooked grin, lowering his hand. He poured a cup of water from the nearby table and handed it to her, waiting patiently while she drank.

“Bull and I found you in the old tower, the one the Commander keeps locked.”

“What in the name of the Maker was I doing in there?” She frowned as she tried to recall the night before. She caught flashes of images, brief and disjointed. “I had a nightmare. I woke up thinking someone else was in the room with me. I… I guess I must have panicked.”

“I think panic is too light a term for what you were going through.” Bull came into the room and leaned against the wall. “Is it always that bad? I’m surprised the Commander lets you out of his sight.”

“It’s never been that bad before.”

“In that case I definitely believe you should stay here until he returns.”

“Really, I’ll be fine.” Thalia protested starting to get from the bed.

“You know, I’m aware that we have all types here and all manner of dress, but I don’t think you should be wandering through the hall with no pants.” Dorian raised an eyebrow at her with an amused grin.

Thalia flushed beet red as she realized she was still dressed only in Cullen’s shirt. She shot Bull a pleading look and the Qunari chuckled as he pushed away from the wall.

“I’ll go get you some clothes.”

“I’ll go.” Dorian got up and put a hand on Bull’s chest to stop him. “She’d be more comfortable here with you.”

Thalia noticed the familiar way the mage touched Bull, the lingering of his fingertips on the Qunari’s skin before he turned and left the room. When he was gone she looked to Bull with a questioning expression.

“You and… Dorian?”

He shrugged. “Maybe. Something wrong with that?”

“No… ah… of course not. I’m just surprised given the history between your people.”

“They’re no longer my people, are they? And Dorian… well, he’s his own person. He refuses to be defined by his country.”

“Truly if you two are happy together, then I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks.” Bull crossed his arms.  “Just so you know, I told him. About you, I mean. I wouldn’t have, but after you tried to gut us last night I thought he should know.”

“It’s fine.” Thalia murmured. She glanced up as Dorian came back into the room with one of her gowns draped over his arms.

“I’ll tell you _this_ got me some looks.” He chuckled as he set the clothes on the bed, along with her boots. “I’m not sure if people thought they were for me, or if I’d kidnapped some unfortunate innocent for my nefarious schemes.” At Thalia’s startled look he smirked at her. “What? You didn’t know I was here to steal souls for my evil rituals?”

“I guess I can see why people might think that.”

“He doesn’t go out of his way to change their minds either.” Bull added.

“It’s more fun to keep them guessing.” Dorian grinned at the big man. “Come, let’s leave the girl be so she can change.”

 

 

Bull and Dorian convinced Thalia to go to Gavin and take a couple of days from the infirmary to give her time to rest. She insisted on keeping up with her combat training, feeling driven to continue to learn as much as she could. Always in the back of her mind was the note she’d found and Cole’s words about her possibly being in danger.

She spent most of the rest of her time outside her lessons, in the library reading. Now and again she caught sight of the flaxen-haired young man lingering in the shadows and got the sense that he was trying to watch over her. She’d tried to approach him once to talk to him, but he’d simply disappeared on her. She got the impression that he was shy, though loyal and determined.

At night she slept in Dorian’s room with the mage and Bull watching over her. Knowing they were there seemed to allow her to sleep less fitfully. She still woke in the night from her nightmares, but the overwhelming terror wasn’t there. When she woke one or both of the men would sit and talk with her until she was calm enough to go back to sleep.

When they thought she wasn’t paying attention, she got to see small exchanges between the two that told her of the deepening feelings that was growing between them. A glance, a light touch, the leaning in the direction of the other as they talked quietly between themselves.

The middle of the third night, she was sitting up in the bed talking to Dorian when the door to his room flew open. The crash sent a vibration through the room that brought Bull out of his doze, in the chair in the corner, and straight to his feet in a crouched stance. Dorian shifted on the edge of the bed and put out one arm to shield Thalia and she could feel the charge of his rising power.

“What happened? Is Thalia okay?”

“Cullen…” Thalia breathed a sigh of relief.

“Haven’t you ever heard of knock, Commander?” Dorian lowered his arm and glared at the man. Then he looked to Bull. “What sort of a message did you leave for him?”

“That there had been trouble and his lady was with us.” The Qunari shrugged.

“You could have been more specific.”

“Are you all right?” Cullen ignored the other two and fixed his amber gaze on Thalia.

She got up and walked to him, letting him pull her into his arms. “I’m fine now. I had a bad nightmare a couple nights ago… I…”

“She attacked Dorian and I, in the locked tower. She never fully woke from her dream and was in a panicked state.”

“You’ve not had anything like that happen since I’ve known you.” He looked down at her pale face with a frown. She looked exhausted.

“There’s a bit more to it than that.” She glanced at the other two.

“Come, you can tell me on the way.” He slipped an arm around her shoulders and guided her out the door. He glanced back at Dorian and nodded. “Thank you, for watching out for her. She’s…”

“We know, Commander.” Dorian replied.

“Well, do you think they’ll figure it out?” Bull rumbled as he sat on the bed beside the mage.

“They’re both broken in their own way. Together, though, they complete one another. They’ll see it through. I’m sure of that.”

“Hmm…”

Dorian turned and looked up at Bull with an amused look. “Don’t tell me that you…”

“We _were_ interrupted the other night…”

 

Thalia watched Cullen’s face darken in rage as he leaned against his desk and read the note she’d found pinned to the door. He slammed the paper down on the desk beside him and glared at her.

“Why didn’t you tell someone when you found this?” He asked tersely. “What if they’d tried to hurt you while you were here alone?”

Thalia looked down at her hands and knotted her fingers together. “I didn’t want to… everyone’s so busy… I…”

“Maker’s blood,” He swore softly. “Thalia, I…” He knelt in front of her and took her hands in his. “I’m sorry. I’m not angry with you. It’s just… the thought that something…” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I can’t…”

She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face in his collar. “I should have gone to Bull, or someone. I just didn’t want to worry anyone.”

He pulled her down to him, holding her tightly as they knelt on the floor together. “I’m going to assign you a guard until we figure this out. If _anything_ happens and I’m not available, tell them. If you’re not comfortable, then go to Bull, or Varric; even Dorian. You seem to be getting along fine with him now.”

As he lifted her chin to kiss her, her eyes fell on a crumpled piece of paper under the edge of his desk. Stiffening she pushed him away and leaned past him to grab the paper and unfolded it.

She numbly handed the paper to him. “I thought it was part of my dream. I heard someone in here. I came down to find this pinned to my armor.”

“By Andraste’s sword!” He got up and pulled her to her feet. “I swear to you that we will find out who’s behind this!”

He was both enraged and horrified that someone had managed to invade the safety of what he considered their home. After everything, that someone would dare to terrorize her like this was unthinkable. She was under the protection of the Inquisition on top of it. Whoever it was had managed to stay hidden; move undetected and watch her unnoticed; much like Cole did. He didn’t think that the young man would do such a thing, but he might have an idea of who could, or would. He would start with tracking down and talking to him.


	18. Chapter 18

_(Author’s Note: This chapter is nothing more than a gratuitous sex scene – I wrote it for my own… amusement. It contains no important plot points and does not have to be read in order to follow the rest of the story, though there might be some references to it.)_

Cullen woke to Thalia’s soft cry of distress. Murmuring gently he rolled to his side and reached for her; his only thought being the need to comfort. She was lying on her back, one hand thrown over her head; her hair a riot of black waves on her pillow. In the wavering glow of the light stone on the table he could see the tension in her face as she battled whatever it was that plagued her sleep.

She shifted and turned her face away, another cry escaping her lips. He called her name in a low voice, not wanting to startle her. As he did, he touched her lightly, urging her to him. His voice, gentle and calming, reached her and she turned into him curling against his chest like a frightened child. He held her, his warmth enveloping her, while he smoothed a hand along her back. He told her that she dreamed. She was with him and safe. He told her that he loved her and that he would protect her and she heard his words.

The tension slowly left Thalia’s body and she melted into his heat with a relieved sigh. Cullen felt her shift into wakefulness and pressed his lips to her forehead.

“Better…?” He whispered against her skin.

She nodded silently and buried her face against his neck, one of her legs slipping between his as she sought to get as close to him as she could. Cullen clenched his jaw at the feel of her slender form twined around his suddenly so intimately. He hadn’t touched her in the few nights since his return, his need to see her safe overriding his baser needs. Now, with her warmth pressed against him he fought to keep his treacherous body under control. It was a battle he was rapidly losing.

Thalia felt the tension in him and his response to her nearness. She knew he was trying to control himself for her sake, just as he always did. Always concerned about her and that he might hurt her, he held himself in check, keeping an iron grip on his passions. Truth was she didn’t particularly always want him to. He needed to know that she wasn’t fragile. She wouldn’t break if he let go now and again.

She shifted against him and he made a strangled sound, his hand sweeping down her back and over the curve of her buttocks. Her gray eyes met his as she felt his awakening arousal pressing against her belly.

He suddenly let go of her and moved away. “Maker’s breath, Thalia, I’m sorry. I don’t… I didn’t…”

Wordlessly she let him turn her and wrap his arms around her. He tightened his embrace and kissed the back of her shoulder. Thalia lay with her back to his chest and stared at the light stone until she felt his deep even breaths, indicating that he’d fallen back to sleep. She carefully slid out of his arms and from the bed. Grabbing her robe she wrapped it around her and climbed down the ladder to his office.

When he found her a short time later, after waking up again and finding himself alone, she was curled up in the chair staring pensively at the fire. He leaned against his desk, clad only in his trousers, and studied her serious expression, waiting for her to speak first.

The moment he’d seen her from across the bailey, he’d been struck by how beautiful she was. Even now, all these months later he was stunned by her and found it hard to believe she was truly his. He thanked the Maker every day for her and to see her upset tore at him.

Thalia finally turned her head and looked at him. “I thought you were asleep.”

“I woke again and you were gone.” He crossed his arms. “What is it? You don’t usually leave our bed in the middle of the night.”

“I just… I couldn’t sleep.”

“The nightmare? I would have stayed up with you.”

Thalia shook her head in frustration. How was she supposed to tell him that she couldn’t sleep because she ached for him to touch her? She almost laughed as Bull’s words from a while back came to her. Maybe she should just show him. Her going to Cullen was how they became lovers to begin with. She’d gotten more forward since their relationship started. She shouldn’t be afraid to make the first move.

He watched her as she stood up and stretched, her movements reminding him of a sleepy cat; graceful and sensual. The robe she wore was pale, green silk and it clung to her as she moved. He found he couldn’t take his eyes off her as she took the few steps across the floor to him. The shimmering material, shifted and flowed, giving him a glimpse of slim legs while the material clung to her hips and breasts.

“It’s not my dreams,” she slid her hands along the hard muscles of his chest.

He drew a sharp breath when her fingertips trailed down his chest and along his stomach, running lightly along the edge of his trousers. Amber eyes narrowed as she gave him a smile and she pulled his laces free. She could see his breath quicken in the rise and fall of his chest as she teased him, her fingers barely touching his skin.

Still he didn’t make a move. She raised an eyebrow at him with a small smile before she leaned against him, her lips finding the sensitive skin of his throat. She ran her mouth along the side of his neck before nipping sharply at his ear. His hands moved up to grip her waist tightly, his fingers flexing against her flesh with each kiss she pressed against his skin.

He watched her, his eyes intense, wondering how far she would go in her seduction of him. He also wondered how long he could hold out against her attentions before he broke. She moved out of his hands and he gripped the edges of the desk, hissing when she finished loosening the laces of his trousers and worked them down over his hips.

She let out a low chuckle as he stepped out of them. “I guess you were in a hurry to find me.” She said with a grin, discovering that he wore nothing beneath his trousers.

“I wasn’t planning on going far,” He said tersely.

“Hmmm.”

“Merciful Andraste!” He jolted as Thalia slid down his body and he was suddenly engulfed in the searing heat of her mouth. “Thal…” A tentative swirl of her tongue and a firm suction left him gasping for air, his fingers digging into his desk. He was sure there would be marks in the wood from his nails come morning. Where in the name of the Maker had she learned such a thing?

Her slim hands slid up his legs, and gripped his thighs as she lavished her attentions on his sensitive flesh. He closed his eyes and threw his head back, fighting to keep some measure of control over himself and remain still. Pleasure shot up his spine in hot, electric currents until he finally could take it no longer. Groaning her name, he reached for her, taking her by the shoulders and pulling her to his feet.

She breathlessly met his gaze and it was then that he finally broke, his control fleeing him in a rush of need. He groaned and yanked her to him, claiming her mouth in a bruising kiss as he spun her around. With a sweep of his hand he reached around her and cleared half his desk; papers and books falling to the floor with a thump, accompanied by the crash of breaking glass. He dimly realized that there had also been a bottle of Tevinter Brandy on the desk as the scent of rich, caramelized wood and warm alcohol hit his nose.

He grasped Thalia by the waist and set her on the desk, his mouth tearing free of her and moving to her throat. He tugged impatiently at her robe’s belt until it came loose and the silken material fell open, baring her to his hands and eyes. He slid one hand along her side, over the curve of her waist and held her by the hip as his other hand palmed her breast, caressing her sensitive skin with his thumb. She gasped and clung to his shoulders, her hips flexing against his hand when he slid his fingers down her belly and skimmed along the damp, heated flesh between her legs.

“Andraste preserve me, I can’t…”

“Then don’t.”

In the flickering golden light of the fire she looked like some sort of lost, ancient goddess. She had braced her hands behind her and her robe lay around her in a green, silken pool framing her slender form. Black waves framed her flushed face, her eyes heavy-lidded and her lips red and swollen from the force of his kisses.

He took all of that in, in the brief seconds it took for him to step between her legs and grasp her by the hip. With a tight apology he positioned himself and thrust into her willing body, drawing a throaty cry from her. For the first time he didn’t hold himself in check, holding her in a bruising grip as he moved with demanding force.

Wrapping her legs around his hips, she took all of him, the sharp pain caused by his fervor spiraling into shocks of pleasure. She was lost to him, mindless in her need, a low cry rising from her each time he moved forward into her. He pushed her backwards onto the desk, his hand sliding from her throat, down her chest and across her trembling belly. He slipped his fingers into her wet, heat stroking her lightly as she arched and cried out, her head falling back to thump against a thick book on the desk.

Her climax exploded through her, rather than slowly washing over her like usual, stealing her breath as her body snapped taut underneath him. She dug her nails into his shoulders, drawing blood as she cried his name to the ceiling. He let out a painful groan and shifting grabbed her hands. He clasped her wrists in his hands and leaning over her he forced her hands above her head.

Cullen was relentless in the seeking of his own pleasure. Holding her hands prisoner above her, he forced her body to bend to his as he moved within her with powerful thrusts. Even after her peak was reached the pleasure was endless as he gave her no reprieve from his need. He faltered in his movements and then with a gasping groan he buried himself as far as he could within her, his body shaking as he reached his own end.

He fell onto her, his breath coming in great gasps and she wrapped her arms around his shoulder, her hands sliding over his sweat slicked skin. She murmured soothing words, not even sure of what she was saying, while she brushed her fingers along his shoulders and arms and then up to push his damp hair away from his face. Cullen lifted his head and kissed her deeply, before leaning his forehead against her, his amber eyes searching her gray ones for any sign of distress or injury.

Seeing none, he finally let out a chuckle. “Maker’s breath, Thalia, where in all of Thedas did you find that blasted robe?”

The sound of her delighted laughter filled their little tower room as he finally moved off of her and took her hand to pull her to her feet. She stood before him on shaky legs, her slim hand against his chest. He pulled the robe back up on her shoulders and she didn’t bother to retie it.

“I must remember to thank Dorian for his gifts one of these days.”

“I should have known.”

She glanced down at the pieces of the broken bottle and the brandy soaked papers on the floor by the desk and then back to him with a frown.

“It doesn’t matter. We’ll take care of it in the morning.” He pulled her too him, his lips finding hers. “I’m sorry; I was too rough with you.”

“Cullen, it’s fine. I’m fine.” She cupped his face in her hand.

He studied her for a moment, rubbing his hand along the back of his neck, and then pushing his hair back with his fingers. “You wanted this.” He finally said quietly.

“Hmmm. Sometimes.” She gave him a crooked smile and he drew her back into his arms. “Not that I’ve ever had cause to complain, just sometimes…”

“I get it.” He walked her backwards towards the ladder. “One more question, where did you ever learn…” At her raised eyebrow and wide grin, he closed his eyes and groaned. “I have got to find you better friends. These ones talk entirely too much.”

“No, I do believe the ones I have are working out just fine.”

“Let’s go to bed, before I find out what else they’ve been _advising_ you on and have to kill one or all of them to preserve my honor.”

“As you wish, Commander!” And with a laugh she scurried up the ladder with Cullen close behind her.


	19. Chapter 19

“Are you sure you’re all right?”

Thalia hung up her apron and glanced over at Gavin. “I’m fine.”

He studied her thoughtfully for a moment. “I guess the Commander wouldn’t let you be here if you weren’t. You’re just a bit pale.”

“I haven’t been sleeping well.” She pulled her coat on and buttoned it up. “I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll trust your judgement. It certainly hasn’t affected your work.”

“Thank you.” She nodded and walked out of the infirmary into the bailey.

She took a breath of the cool air, letting its chill fill her and refresh her. Out of the corner of her eye she saw her guard fall in behind her as she set off across the yard. There had been two of them so far, working in rotating shifts when she wasn’t with Cullen. This one was a young woman with short red hair and friendly brown eyes. Her bearing spoke of a person well versed in handling her sword as she walked quietly behind Thalia, her hand resting easily on her pommel. The guards made an effort to be unobtrusive in Thalia’s life, but nevertheless she was always aware of their presence.

She was also aware of Cole lurking in the shadows near where he was, never in plain sight but always around some corner or high up on a wall where he could keep an eye on her. She didn’t know why, but he definitely seemed to have appointed himself as her protector. She didn’t know him, beyond the encounter on the wall that night, so she could only assume it was some loyalty he felt towards the Inquisition or towards Cullen.

When she reached the other side of the yard instead of going up the stairs to their room she turned and walked towards the lower bailey. A new shipment of supplies had come in and she wanted to look around the merchant stalls and see if they had gotten anything of interest.

Thalia wandered around the various stalls, stopping here and there to look at an item, but found nothing that she was interested in purchasing until she reached a stall on the further end of the yard. There she stopped and started to look over the various blades all laid out in a neat line on the tables. They were some of the better quality swords and daggers that she’d seen in a while.

A pair of dragon bone daggers caught her eye and she moved to the far end of the stall to take a closer look. She asked the shopkeeper if she could look over one of them and the older man nodded that it was all right. Picking one up, Thalia turned it over in her hands, carefully looking over the work. It was exquisite; a masterwork if she had to guess. The blade was crafted of dragon bone and the grip was black with bright blue lines etched into it. It was nearly a perfect match for her mother’s armor. She hadn’t been working with dual daggers in her training, but she wondered if what she had learned could be adapted to them.

“Where did you find these? They’re very unusual.” She finally looked up at the man. He was older, she assumed maybe a decade or so older than her father had been.

“I found them at the bottom of a crate of other daggers,” He said leaning over to look at them. “Got the lot for a decent price. I’m not sure he realized they were in there.”

So there was no history to be told with them, or what history they had was probably lost. She flipped the dagger around; it was light and perfectly balanced and felt like it belonged in her hand. It was rare that she would even consider buying something so extravagant for herself, but she felt compelled to purchase them.

“What are you asking for the pair?”

He thought for a moment before replying. “Like I said I got a good price for the lot. I’ve been asking fifteen gold a piece, but I’ll sell the pair to you for twenty-five.”

Thalia fingered her coin pouch under her coat. It was still a high price for a pair of blades. It would take almost all the money she’d saved since she started working for the Inquisition. Finally, she pulled the pouch out and counted out the coins. As drawn as she was to the daggers, she felt she shouldn’t let them slip away. The old man seemed surprised that she, obviously not a soldier, would spend that much coin to buy them, but he didn’t offer any argument. He wrapped the daggers in a soft cloth and tied them with string.

She’s only taken a few steps from the stall when a tall figure on a hooded cloak ran into her, knocking her to the ground. She heard the shout from her guard as the young woman skidded to a stop beside her. Thalia could see the struggle on her face, whether to chase after the person or stay and make sure she was okay.

“I’m fine,” Thalia said when the soldier leaned down to help her to her feet.

“I’m sorry, Lady,” The young woman said with a frown. “I couldn’t get to you in time.”

“It’s crowded today. Accidents are bound to happen. Let’s get back, I think I’ve seen enough today.” Thalia tucked the cloth bundle inside her coat.

The woman looked back across the market before turning to walk alongside Thalia this time, rather than hang back several paces. “Lady, I don’t believe that was an accident.”

“How so?”

“I saw him right before that and he seemed to be watching you. When you walked away he took a path straight towards you.”

“Why would someone do that?”

“Why am I acting as your guard?”

Thalia stopped and looked at the woman, who stared back at her with a steady gaze. Then she shook her head with a small smile. “I see your point.”

“Let’s get you back to the Commander before anything else happens. I want to see if I can find out who that was.”

She let the soldier lead her back to her room, noting that the woman kept one hand on her sword and a watchful eye out the entire time. When they reached Cullen’s office she gave him a quick report of what had happened and then left to scour the marketplace for any signs of the man.

“I wish you’d get them to stop calling me, Lady,” She sighed as he got up from his desk and came around to stand in front of her, his amber eyes skimming over her for any sign of injury.

“I don’t think it’s important at the moment. You’re my lady and they think of you as such.” He gently tilted her face up to him with his fingers. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine. It was just a fall.” She reached into her coat and brought out the bundle. “I found these at the market. The seller couldn’t tell me anything about them, but…” Her voice trailed off as Cullen took the bundle and untied the string to unwrap the daggers.

He turned one of the blades over in his hand and then the other before raising an eyebrow. “These are beautiful. They look like they were made to go with your armor.”

“That was what I thought,” She said quietly. “I spent a ridiculous amount on them, but I just…”

“How much _did_ you spend?”

“Twenty-five.” Thalia bit her lip, suddenly concerned that maybe she’d spent way too much.

“They’re easily worth that much a piece.” He took one of the daggers by the blade and turned, letting it fly towards a practice dummy behind his desk. It hit the stuffed form dead in the chest with a thunk and sunk into it up to the hilt. “They’re perfectly balanced and razor sharp.” Cullen said as he walked over and pulled the dagger loose.

“Do you think I could learn to use them instead of the short sword?”

“You’ve learned plenty in your training, you should be able to adapt to dual daggers fairly easily.” He handed the daggers back to her.

Thalia set the dagger on the table behind the armor stand. As she straightened up, Cullen stepped in behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, nuzzling the back of her neck.

“Besides the incident in the market, did you have a good day?” He placed a kiss against the nape of her neck.

“Mmmm,” Thalia shivered, closing her eyes. “Well, Gavin is worried about me, says I look pale. I told him I haven’t been sleeping well, but that I’m all right.”

He turned her in his arms and kissed her. “We’ll get to the bottom of this. I promise.”

“I know.” Thalia wrapped her arms around his neck and ran her fingers through his golden hair. “How much work do you have left?”

“Enough to keep me up for the next month,” He chuckled against her lips. He reached behind her and pulled the leather tie from her hair, letting it fall in a tumble of messy waves around her face. “Maker’s breath, but you’re beautiful.” He breathed running his fingers through the silken mass.

“You only say that because you love me.” She murmured a light blush staining her cheeks.

“I say it because it’s the truth. I thought so long before I knew I loved you.” His expression turned serious. “But I do love you, Thalia. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“I don’t.” She brushed the backs of her fingers along his strong jaw before she leaned in and kissed him.

He sighed and held her tight, his face pressed against her hair, breathing in her scent. “As much as I hate to, I do have some paperwork that has to be completed tonight.”

“Go,” She said pushing him away with a laugh as he stepped back reluctantly. “I have some reading I’d like to do anyway.”

She unbuttoned her coat and slipped it off, walking over to hang it by the door as she did so. As she hung it up the corner of a slip of paper sticking out of the pocket caught her eye. She pulled it out and unfolded it reading quickly.

For a moment she was back in the market. She hadn’t noticed it at the time, but now thinking back it had been there. The subtle tug at her jacket as she fell. He must have slipped it in her pocket then. He was taunting her. He wanted her to know that even with a guard watching her, he could get to her any time he wanted.

Cullen glanced up from his desk and saw Thalia’s bloodless face as she stood silently by the door, a piece of paper hanging from her fingers.

“Thalia?” He jumped up and went to her. “What…”

She held it out with a shaking hand. “It was…” She cleared her throat. “It was him.”

He looked down at the paper and cursed angrily.

 

_Do you really think guards will keep you safe? I will take everything from you._

 

Thalia’s hand went to her throat as she gasped. Suddenly felt as if she couldn’t draw a breath. Her heart pounded loudly in her ears and she couldn’t fight back the sudden rise of panic.

“C-Cullen…” She started to shake all over.

He dropped the note and reached for her, pulling her to him. “Shhh, Thalia, it’s all right. I’m here. You’re safe.”

“H… How can I be if he can even get past my guards?” She struggled to draw a breath. “He’s going to hurt…”

Cullen lifted her face and stared into her terrified, gray eyes, “Thalia, have you seen who your friends are? Varric, Bull, Dorian, The Chargers, the Inquisitor, Myself… even Cole… It would be very difficult for him to get to any of us.” He brushed her hair from the side of her face. “Look at me.” His voice took on a commanding tone. “Thalia, _see_ me.”

She blinked rapidly her gaze suddenly focusing on him.

“He won’t hurt us. We’ll find him.” He said firmly. She nodded silently, still breathing rapidly and shaking from head to toe. “Now, listen to me. Breathe… take a slow, deep breath and let it out slowly.”

She did as he told her, focusing her attention on his amber eyes as he talked her though controlling her breathing until it was back to a more normal rate. As her breathing started to slow, so did her heart and the shaking began to subside. Once she’d calmed the sudden rush of adrenaline left her, leaving her drained and weak and a new set of shaking gripped her.

Cullen picked her up and carried her to the ladder. He instructed her to hold on to him as tightly as she could and then hold her with one arm he used the other to carefully carry her up to the loft. He helped her out of her gown and boots and laid her in the bed, pulling the blanket up around her.

“W-what about your w-work,” her teeth chattered as she tried to talk, watching him strip out of his armor.

“It can wait,” Cullen said grimly.

He climbed into the bed with her and pulled her into his arms. Talking to her in soothing tones he ran his hands lightly along her back until exhaustion pulled her into a fitful sleep. He stayed with her until he was sure she was in a deep sleep before he left her side. Rest was the only thing that would help her at the moment. It was late evening and he still had time to finish up before he needed to sleep himself.

He also had a suspicion about what was going on that he needed to make some inquiries about. He would draft a short report about what had been happening to Thalia and what or who he thought might be involved. After that he would let Leliana’s spies do their work, he was sure they would turn something up.


	20. Chapter 20

Thalia woke to the bright light of morning streaming into their room. With a soft sigh she turned onto her back and slowly opened her eyes. Cullen was lying on his side next to her, propped up on one elbow watching her silently with a small smile on his face.

“Good morning,” she murmured with a stretch.

Then she turned onto her side and reached out to trace the line of his jaw, marveling in the strength this gentle man held inside of him. He turned his head and kissed the palm of her hand before he leaned in and kissed her lips just as gently.

“I sent out messages last night canceling your lessons and your shift at the infirmary today.” He said quietly. “If you want to train, I’ll be happy to work with you after my meeting with Leliana this morning. I’d… like to keep you close for a while. Watch over you myself.”

“Cullen, I need to work.”

“Then work with me. Maker knows I could use a little help wading through all those reports and requests.”

“Wouldn’t that give me access to sensitive information?” She’d never pried into what he was doing. Even when he left papers out of his desk, she didn’t read them, knowing he trusted her not to.

“Pretty sure at this point the Inquisitor thinks you are already privy to whatever I know anyway. If she was concerned about it, she would have spoken up ages ago.”

“All right,” She agreed. She’d feel safer with him anyway, and right now she knew her mind wouldn’t be on her work at the infirmary. She’d be too busy looking over her shoulder.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him, nuzzling the side of her neck and sending shivers of delight through her. She shifted and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and he lifted his head, his mouth seeking hers. A small sigh escaped her when their lips touched and he slanted his head to allow himself to explore her.

He broke the kiss and lay face to face with her, his amber eyes silently searching her gray ones.

“Marry me.”

“What?!”

For a brief moment Cullen looked just as surprised as Thalia did. It was not what he’d intended to say. “I didn’t… I mean… Maker’s breath…” he sighed and sat up. “Not to say that I don’t want to… I’ve been thinking about it for a while now and planning the perfect moment. This wasn’t it. I was going to take you to some place nice…” He looked down. “And I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been… naked…” A light blush crept across his skin. “Still, I meant it… even if this isn’t the perfect time or place…“

Thalia let out a laugh and sat up, placing her fingertips to his lips. “Cullen, if you would be quiet for a moment and let me tell you, yes, then you’d save yourself a lot of explaining.”

“You will?” He was startled that he didn’t have to convince her. “I mean… we don’t have to right away. When you’re ready…”

“I’d be proud to be your wife, at any time. The question is you. You have a lot going on right now. It would be best when you’re ready.”

“I was ready the first time I took you to my bed.” Cullen let out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. “I want to. Now; as soon as we can arrange it. I can’t take you anywhere. We’d probably have nothing more than a meal and a drink at the tavern after.” He ran his hand though his hair nervously.

“That’s perfectly fine with me.”

“I don’t have any sort of title outside the Inquisition. Our life will be simple once this is all over, but I vow that I’ll always take care of you.”

She slipped her arms around his neck and kissed him. “I’m not without my own skills, Cullen. I’d prefer that we take care of each other.”

“So we shall,” He murmured as he turned and pushed her back against the mattress, covering her slim body with his own.

 

 

Thalia stood in front of the full length mirror and smoothed her hands down over the skirt of her cream colored gown. Lavellan had been delighted when she found out that Cullen was going to wed Thalia and made it her personal mission to pull together a wedding in just a few short days. Now, she was in the Inquisitor’s rooms and where the elven woman managed to find a dress that fit her with such short notice was beyond her.

It was a simple gown with a long slightly flared skirt that brushed the floor as she walked. Where the skirt met her bodice and along the bottom hem was sewn a pattern of delicate silver vines. The bodice was fitted to her trim waist, fastened up the back with a row of tiny silver buttons. The sleeves were long and loose and had been cut away to show the sleeves underneath. The edges of the long sleeves and her cuffs were also decorated with the same silver vine as the skirt. The neck of the gown was sewn with silver vines all meeting in the middle to a silver rose and nestled perfectly between her breasts. The Inquisitor had also come up with a pair of simple cream colored shoes to go with the dress.

“I’m sorry it’s not an actual wedding dress,” Ellana Lavellan said as Thalia turned around to face her.

“It… it’s beautiful… it’s perfect…” Thalia murmured blushing lightly. She didn’t know the elven woman well and was a bit uncomfortable at the attention she was suddenly receiving from her. “Thank you, My Lady.”

“Ellana,” She smiled at Thalia and guided her to sit in a chair in front of the woman’s dresser. “I consider every member of my inner circle and my advisors to be my friends, I’d prefer to drop the formality when possible. It’s so… awkward.” She chuckled and started to run a brush through Thalia’s hair. “You’re marrying one of my advisors, and a dear friend. I consider you my friend as well.”

Thalia noticed that when the blonde woman smiled at her in the mirror, the smile didn’t quite reach her sad eyes. “Thank you,” Thalia murmured as Lavellan threaded a band of silver and cream ribbon through her hair, causing it to fall in a mass of waves and ribbon at the back of her head.

“There, I do believe you’re ready.” The Inquisitor stepped back and surveyed her handiwork.

“And to think we were going to keep this quiet and simple.”

“I’d say it’s still so, considering Cullen wouldn’t let me throw you two a formal banquet.” She held up a hand when Thalia started to speak. “I understand, really I do. I wouldn’t want all the pomp and ceremony either. Cullen also told me of your troubles, a crowd would make it more difficult to keep you safe. Now, are we ready to go? We shouldn’t keep the Commander waiting any longer.”

As they left Thalia noticed that The Inquisitor took the time to sheath one of her daggers under her coat. It seemed that Cullen had determined they should be ready for trouble even now.

Downstairs in the great hall Varric waiting for them. He turned and gave a low whistle as the two women stepped out into the hall. A grin crossed his broad face as they stopped in front of him.

“I’ll tell you, Kitten, I’ve always thought you to be a pretty girl, but today you outshine everyone here. I see the dress fits perfectly.” He said to the Inquisitor as Thalia ducked her head and blushed brightly at his comment.

“It does. Compliments to your connections for finding it.” Ellana nodded to him.

Thalia tried to ignore the curious stares as they walked the length of the hall. To onlookers, she was sure that this looked like a young woman being escorted somewhere by the Inquisitor and one of her circle and they were insanely curious, if not a little jealous, as to where she was being taken dressed as she was. In truth, though they were escorting her, Varric being her choice to present her to Cullen, it was also a guard. The pair of them flanked her and kept a close eye out on everyone else in the hall as they passed by.

They stopped in front of the door leading to the inner courtyard gardens and Varric placed a hand on the door, looking up at her.

“Ready?”

Thalia took a shaky breath and nodded.

 

In the gardens Cullen paced nervously while he waited. Bull and Dorian looked on in amusement as the tall, blonde man kept turning to look at the door leading from the hall. He was dressed in his formal uniform consisting of a red jacket, that fell just past his hips and trimmed in gold piping with silver buttons, dark brown trousers, and thigh high, brown, leather boots. The jacket was trimmed with thick cut, tan leather epaulettes, fastened near the neck with matching silver buttons. He wore a bright blue sash over his shoulder and wrapped around his waist in a wide band and tied. Over that he had strapped a leather sword belt and a pair of tan, leather gloves completed the outfit.

He turned again as the door opened and Varric led Thalia into the garden. Their eyes met and suddenly their nervousness was gone. This was right.

The Inquisitor murmured something to Thalia and then walked over to take a place with the others. They had decided to include Bull, Dorian, Josephine, and Leliana, along with Varric and Ellana as their witnesses. The Inquisitor had also gone to lengths to ensure the Chantry would approve and perform the marriage without the customary waiting period, citing that the pair had already been together for months with no protest from anyone.

Varric walked Thalia across the garden until they reached Cullen. With a nod Varric placed her hand in the Commander’s and pair stood facing one another in front of the Revered Mother.

“You’re beautiful,” Cullen breathed as he took her in. “This feels as if it’s the only truly right thing I’ve ever done. You’re the only truly right thing I’ve done in my life.”

“Every step I’ve taken in my life, good and bad, has led me on the path to this,” Thalia murmured softly. “Despite the pain, I would never change a single moment.”

Mother Giselle raised her hand over them as they bowed their heads towards her. She spoke from the Chant of Light and then offered up a prayer asking for the Maker’s blessing for Cullen and Thalia. She then nodded to the couple with a smile.

Cullen’s hands tightened around Thalia’s and he stared deeply into her eyes.

“I swear to the Maker and the Holy Andraste to love and protect for this woman for the rest of my days.”

“And I swear to the Maker and the Holy Andraste to love and care for this man to the end of my days.”

Mother Giselle offered up another blessing and then Cullen gathered Thalia into his arms and kissed her soundly, sealing their vows. They turned and were greeted by the smiling faces of their friends as they came to them and offered their congratulations. When they finally left the gardens the others decided to meet at the tavern for a meal and a drink. Cullen and Thalia, wishing to be alone, declined to join them and left the group for their room amidst a fair amount of good natured ribbing. Thalia blushed brightly when Bull and Varric both offered up some of their unique advice on how to proceed with their wedding night and earned themselves a stern glare from the Commander as he slipped an arm around her waist and led her away.

“I can only be glad that Dorian didn’t join in that,” He muttered as they walked up the stairs.

“I do believe he’s already given quite enough advice,” Thalia commented with a laugh. “Your poor desk will never be the same.”

Cullen coughed and then broke into a grin. “That he has.” He said with a raised eyebrow. “Nor do I believe I’ll ever quite get the scent of brandy out of my office.”

Inside their room Thalia closed and locked the door. Before she could turn around Cullen wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed the back of her neck and along her shoulder. She leaned back against him with a sigh, her arms crossing over the top of his.

“Wife,” he breathed against her soft skin. “I’ll never tire of calling you that.”

“I’ll ask you that again when I’ve grown old and fat from bearing your children,” Thalia laughed softly. Then a startled look crossed her face and she went pale turning around in his arms. “I… I mean… we never talked about… do you…? Maker, what if I can’t…”

“The taint in your blood is only a fraction of what was in your mother’s and she had you.” Cullen said gently, brushing his thumb along her cheek, understanding what her worry was about. The Grey Wardens became such by drinking the blood of the darkspawn. They carried the same taint within them and it made it extremely difficult, if not usually impossible, for them to have children. “We never talked about it, because it wasn’t important. In time, after all this is over, I would love to have a child with you if you also wish it. If you don’t or it turns out that you’re unable to, then I will be happy to live out my life with you just the same. I’ll always love you, no matter what. What matters to me is that we’re together.”

“I guess we’ll find out in time. I’ll want to try.”

“That we will.” He kissed her, his hands sliding up her arms to her shoulders. “Now,” He lifted his head and raised an eyebrow with a glance towards the ladder. “I believe we have a marriage to consummate.”

“Well, then,” She started laughing. “You’d best get on with it Commander!”


	21. Chapter 21

“You need to remember to keep your guard up all the time,” Cullen said as he circled Thalia in the practice yard, his sword held at ready.

She shifted and adjusted her stance to raise her daggers a little higher as she turned with him, reading his movements.

“Good,” He looked her over. “We’ve kept you out of practice too long. Tell me what else you’re doing wrong.”

She went over her stance in her mind, wanting nothing more than to lower her blades for a moment and wipe the beads of sweat that were threatening to drip into her eyes. “Nothing, I can think of nothing.”

“Really?”

He rushed forward, his blade swinging around and coming downwards towards her. She shifted and raised her daggers, crossing them and blocking his swing. The impact jolted through her arms and she fell backwards into the dirt.

“First, your feet aren’t wide enough. It’s too easy to knock you off balance. Secondly, you should always try to step away from a direct attack. You’re using just daggers now, not your short sword. You’ll never survive a frontal assault. You need to look for an opening and dodge away, try to get behind your opponent. Your blades are most suited to attacks from behind. Take advantage of that.” Cullen held out a hand and pulled her to her feet. “If I’d used my full strength I’d have seriously injured you.”

“Well then, lucky for me that you didn’t.” She shook her hair from her face and glared at him.

Cullen flipped his sword around in one hand and raised it again, holding his shield in front of him. Thalia raised her daggers and watched him carefully though narrowed eyes. This time when he came forward she ducked below the swing of the blade and then tucked and rolled to the side. When she came to her feet he was already waiting for her and the flat of his blade struck her back plate with a resounding clang. She fell forward but managed to roll quickly back onto her feet. Facing him she raised her blades again and stood there panting, pain throbbing between her shoulders.

“I think that’s enough for one day,” He sheathed his sword. “I hit you harder than I intended. We probably best have a healer look at your back.”

“I’m fine,” she ground out, reaching behind her to sheathe her daggers with a wince. “I’ll have a good bruise, I’m sure.”

He slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her to him, kissing her gently. “I’m sorry.”

She sighed and leaned her head against his armored chest. “You can’t be my husband and my trainer at the same time. Training is going to cause bruises and other injuries, it’s part of it. If you can’t do this, then let me have Captain Sarven back. You can kiss my wounds better afterwards.”

He chuckled and let her go. “I get it. I can train you. It’s just difficult at times.” He brushed her loose hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear. “Shall we go back?”

She nodded. “With the days growing warmer, I’m roasting. I’ll be happy to get out of this armor. How do you stand it?”

“You get used to it.” He slipped an arm around her shoulders and then apologized when she winced; instead he took her hand.

“Well, I can see that after a week of wedded bliss, you two are still getting along fine.” Varric chuckled he walked past them.

“If you count him beating on me with his sword bliss, then yes.” Thalia laughed and then let out a hiss of pain.

“I really think you should see a healer.” Cullen sighed and raised an eyebrow at the dwarf. “Not a word out of you. It was an accident.”

“I don’t doubt it, Curly. If I did I would have taken you down already.”

“Did you actually just… threaten me?”

“If you hurt her… then yes.”

“Boys! Boys!” Thalia started laughing despite the ache between her shoulders. If she thought the two of them were serious, she’d be horrified right now, but from the expression on their faces it was obvious that they weren’t. At least she hoped they weren’t. She did believe that if someone hurt her then Varric and the others would bring the very demons of the fade down upon them, but they all knew that Cullen would rather cut off his own arm than hurt her.

She gasped and clutched Cullen’s arm. “Maybe I will see that healer; if nothing else to ease the pain for a day or so.”

“Let’s go.” He took her arm and steered her towards the Inquisition infirmary.

“Oh wait,” Thalia stopped him. “I need to speak with Varric for a moment.”

She limped back to where Varric was still standing and leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek.

“What was that for?” He looked stunned.

“Thank you.”

“For the dress? It was nothing.”

“For everything, Varric. Since we arrived in Skyhold, you’ve been my friend every step of the way. Without you…” She took a teary breath. “Without you I wouldn’t be here where I am right now, married to that wonderful man.”

“Any time I can help, Kitten,” he grinned at her. “Now go, before he expires from worry.”

She turned back to return to Cullen and gasped. “Cullen!” She screamed.

He turned just in time to see a small, hooded figure rush up behind him. There was no time to go for his sword or shield. The best he could do was raise his arm to fend off the dagger aimed at his throat. With a grunt he deflected the blade, but was unable to move quickly enough to stop the other one that sliced through one of the openings in his armor.

It wasn’t enough to seriously injure him, but he realized as he felt an icy numbness shoot through his blood that the blade had been poisoned and it was an extremely fast acting poison. He dimly heard the sound of Thalia’s terrified voice and Varric shouting as he pitched forward to the ground.

Thalia screamed when she saw Cullen go down. With her blades out she rushed his attacker. Their hood flew back to reveal a small woman with dark hair as she swung her daggers at Thalia. Thalia managed to duck out of the way of the blades and then remembering her earlier lesson she feinted in one direction and rolled to the other. She came back to her feet just in time to see the woman reel around, a bolt from Varric’s Bianca embedded in her neck.

Without a second thought to the woman or the pain in her back Thalia dropped her daggers and dove for Cullen, screaming for a healer as she did so. She heard the sounds of running feet around her as she pulled Cullen’s head into her lap and bent over him, calling his name.

“He’s so cold,” She looked up as the Inquisitor and Dorian knelt down across from her. “Dorian, can you help him?”

The mage pressed a hand to Cullen’s chest, focusing his magic. “The poison has spread all through him,’ he said sadly. “His heart is already trying to stop. I doubt even the healers can help him.”

Thalia went ice cold at his words. She leaned over Cullen, her tears dripping onto his pale face. “No, no, no, no…” She chanted over and over again in her grief. Varric stood behind her, his large hand on her shoulder to try and hold her steady.

She felt something rise within her; a surge of unfamiliar power. It beat against her; struggling frantically to break free. She clenched her teeth trying to hold it back, but she wasn’t strong enough. With a snap and a surge of joy it rushed forth from her. She let out a strangled cry and bent over Cullen’s still form as the power poured from her and into him.

Varric was thrown back as Thalia cried out and fell over Cullen, a faint bluish glow surrounding both of them for a brief moment. He scrambled back to his feet calling the girl’s name, but as he went to touch her the Inquisitor stopped him.

“I don’t know for sure what’s going on, but I know elements of the Fade when I see it.” She said grimly, never taking her eyes of Thalia’s inert form bent over that of the Commander’s. “Dorian, Bull, someone… get Solas; if anyone if familiar enough to figure out what just happened it will probably be him.”

“I’ll go.” Bull got to his feet and left quickly.

While they waited they watched the pair, not sure whether to try and disturb them or not. Finally, Dorian frowned as he looked up at the Inquisitor.

“Look,” he gestured towards them. “His color has gotten better. He’s breathing easier. Whatever she did, I believe it neutralized the poison, or at least slowed it down.” He leaned in close and carefully checked Cullen’s wound. “Bleeding has also slowed.”

“Is she a mage? Definitely not from a Circle, so an apostate?” The Inquisitor glanced between Dorian and Varric.

Varric shook his head. “No. She’s always been adamant that she’s not a mage, though she did have the unique ability to soothe people with her touch.” He frowned at the pair. “Besides do you think she’d risk getting involved with a former Templar if she was hiding something like that; no matter what his current stance on mages is?”

“I suppose not.”

“She could be a hedge mage, like Cole.”

The Inquisitor started and looked at Dorian. “Like Cole or _like_ Cole?”

“No, definitely not like him in that way; she’s too… human…”

She turned towards Solas. “Then what?”

The elven mage knelt down and placed a hand on Thalia’s head. “If I dared take a guess this soon, I’d say she isn’t a mage, but she did have a connection to a spirit. It tried to leave through her to heal him, but it’s trapped between them. Neither of them will wake until it’s freed. She’s caught in the Fade and he’s being held just outside of death.”

“Can you help them?”

He stood and leaned on his staff, looking at her with a frown. “Maybe; I’ll try, but we should move them from here.”


	22. Chapter 22

_(Author’s Note: I’ve taken certain liberties with the rules of the Fade and its Spirits (at least what I’ve read of them – I have come to the opinion that there are many possibilities yet unexplored) – It was the only way to “bend” the story to my will. Hence the other reason for my AU tag. ^^)_

 

They moved Cullen and Thalia to the Inquisitor’s rooms, where it was quiet and no one would disturb them. They noticed that even in her unconscious state Thalia refused to be parted from the Commander for very long, growing pale and fitful if she was. Solas suggested that it very well could be caused by the spirit trapped between them. To distance them made the bond too weak and put one or both in danger of losing the connection and dying before the spirit could finish whatever it felt it needed to do.

They stripped the pair of their armor and settled them on Ellana’s bed. The Inquisitor, along with Bull and Varric, stood back to allow the mages room to work. Solas sat on the edge of the bed beside them while Dorian sat on the other side, ready to offer his magic to strengthen Solas’s if called upon. The elf had the singular talent of being able to enter the Fade consciously without the assistance of other mages, something most mages couldn’t do. He’d spent a lifetime studying in the Fade and understood it on a level no one else did. It was this talent of his that gave them all hope that he could find and save Thalia which they hoped would also save the Commander in the process.

Solas took a deep breath and closed his eyes, willing the Fade to take him in and take him where he needed to go. For a brief moment the crystal in his staff flared to life, a steady blue light pulsating from it, and then slowly faded out.

When he opened his eyes it was night and he was standing on a rocky cliff looking upwards at a small village. From the terrain and the stars in the night sky he would guess he was somewhere in northern Ferelden, on the edge of the Waking Sea. There were lights in the village, but all sound was drowned out by the crash of the waves at the base of the cliff.

In the near distance he suddenly heard the voice of a young man calling out a name. Turning he saw two people come together on the edge of the cliffs in a desperate embrace. Their armor marked them both as Grey Wardens; he a mage and she an elven rogue. She pulled away from the young man and he got a better look at her; her wild back hair and gray eyes. She was obviously Thalia’s mother, Elovra Malanial. What startled him though was the familiarity in the young man’s face. Elovra may have given Thalia her coloring, but her features were from this man. 

He was in a memory, that much was obvious. Not Thalia’s, so it must be the memory of the spirit. Had this mage pulled Elovra into the Fade for their meetings? He knew such things were done, though not often.

“What is it, Wheeler? Did something happen?” Elovra asked touching his cheek gently. “Are you…?”

“I’m fine, my love. I just missed you. The Captain won’t let me leave,” He sighed. “He knows and he decides to keep us apart.”

“I’ll speak to the Commander,” She stepped away frowning. “He promised that we would be allowed to serve together. There’s no reason to keep us apart.”

He didn’t allow her to get far. Grabbing her by the arm he pulled her back to him. “I know. I trust Duncan. He will set things right. It just could take time and I needed to see you, to hold you.” He lowered his head to kiss her, his fingers going to the buckles of her armor.

“Wheeler,” She murmured against his mouth. “Is this… should we… here? Is it allowed?”

Solas turned his back on the pair of lovers, suddenly feeling like he was intruding. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a fleeting form in the trees, a curious spirit, and it hit him why he was here. With a raised eyebrow he watched as the soft, mist-like form drifted closer to the lovers now lying intertwined on the grass.

She, he sensed it was a female, looked in his direction and he heard her gentle voice in his head. She’d compelled the mage, Wheeler, to meet with his lover in the Fade. She was curious about the world and this was her way of learning of it. She also had seen future memories and knew of an event that she felt destined to stop. Through these people she would try to do so.

She reached down, her form taking on a more human shape, and touched Elovra’s sleeping face before she sank into the young woman’s body and disappeared.

Possession? No, this was not that simple. This was something completely different and unheard of. He realized in shock that somehow this spirit was endeavoring to create new life. In the thinnest of theories, she could travel with Elovra’s spirit back to her body. If the situation back at Skyhold was any indication, then she’d been successful.

A noise behind him and he turned around to find himself overlooking a battlefield. It was a place where the darkspawn had broken through to the surface and the Grey Wardens had answered the call. Bodies of the creatures lay scattered all around along with a few of the Wardens. Wheeler was one of them. Elovra knelt by his side, oblivious of her own wounds, her tears running silently down her blood-streaked face.

Wordlessly she staggered to her feet and started to limp from the field, ignoring the calls of her fellow Wardens. Solas followed her as she entered a nearby wood, walking straight on, paying no attention to where she was going. For three days she walked and bled, only her fierce determination pushing her forward. Eventually her strength gave out and she collapsed on the banks of a river. Laying in the mud her grief overtook her and she lay there sobbing until she fell unconscious.

It was there that the blacksmith, Pelham Marchant, found her. He took her back to his home and nursed her back to health.

Solas closed his eyes and when he opened them, time had stepped forward several months. Elovra lay in Pelham’s bed, a tiny child wrapped in her arms. The blacksmith sat on the edge of the bed and looked on them with adoring eyes.

“Elovra,” He reached out and touched the baby girl’s soft skin. “I know that you’ll never feel for me like you did him, but marry me. Let me be a father to little Thalia, provide her with a home. I love you both so much.”

She shook her head sadly. “I can’t. I deserted. Eventually they’ll discover I’m alive and they will expect me to return. Best I do it on my own.”

“How will you manage your duties while raising a child?”

She looked up at him with anguished eyes. “I won’t. No Grey Warden has ever been allowed to keep their child, as rare as they are. This child… I’m afraid of what they will do… never in my knowledge has there ever been a child born of two Wardens. The taint should make it impossible.” She leaned over and kissed the baby’s forehead and then handed her to Pelham.

He looked at her in surprise as he cradled the baby close. “But…”

“You love her as if you were her father. Please… I’m begging you…”

“I will raise her as my own.” He said sadly. “Does this mean I’ll never…”

“You’ll see me. I know I won’t be able to stay away from her, but I won’t marry you.” Elovra reached out and cupped his face. “You are also dear to me. To be around you two for long would invite trouble; trouble that I would spare you both from.”

“I understand.”

“She must not know who her true father was. She must not know what I’ve told you of how I believe she was conceived. A child born from the Fade would be… hunted…feared. I got the sense that there will be something she must do. Protect her. Raise her well.”

“She wanted to protect me from everything that I was born to be.”

Solas spun around and suddenly he was standing in the bailey at Haven. “She loved you enough to give you up.” He said quietly.

“She should have told me. They should have prepared me.” Thalia stood before him, her hair falling in untamed waves around her face and her hands clenched into fists. “Then, maybe, I could have saved _him._ ”

“You need to let the spirit go.”

“He’ll die.” She cried. “I can’t…” She took a shuddering breath. “I can’t lose him.”

“The spirit gave you life before the taint could destroy you. She shielded you and allowed you to be born for two reasons.” Solas gripped his staff and eyed the young woman. “She wanted to learn more of this world, but in touching your mother she saw that if you were born you would face great sadness in your future. She wanted to learn of this world through your eyes, but she made a promise that she would give you the chance to find happiness in return.”

Thalia shook her head wildly and backed away from him.

“She’s bonded with you so deeply that she can’t break free unless you let her go. You have to let her go for him to survive. She can heal him.”

“So, I’ve been possessed my entire life. He could never accept that.”

“This goes far beyond any possession that I know of. This is not a demon, Thalia, this is a spirit; gentle and benevolent. If you can’t release her, she will die… _he_ will die, and you will be lost to the Fade.”

He grabbed her wrist and his staff flared to life as he channeled his strength into her. He felt the spirit break free as Thalia whirled around and stared at him in horror. “ _You…_ you’re…”

“You will not remember this!” Solas placed a hand to her chest and his power flowed into her.

With a cry Thalia jolted from the bed, her knees buckling and throwing her to the floor. Solas’s eyes flew open and he slid from the bed to kneel beside her.

“Dorian…” He said quietly as he held her up..

The Tevinter mage came around the bed and knelt with them. His power rose to the surface and he cast a strengthening spell on her.

“Thank you,” She gasped as they helped her to her feet. Her eyes fell to Cullen lying still on the bed. “Oh… no…” She crawled on the bed and wrapped her arms around him. “You told me it would work!” She cried to the Elven mage.

“Look, ma falon.” Solas nodded towards the Commander.

She suddenly felt his chest rise under her hands. Tears sprang to her eyes as she realized he was taking steadier and steadier breaths. “Thank the Maker,” she breathed as she laid her cheek against his chest.

The others closed in around her and she felt Varric and Bull’s hands on her shoulders. Behind her Ellana clasped Solas’s arm, her eyes thanking him silently.

Cullen’s eyes flew open and with a sharp intake of air he sat up suddenly, his eyes scanning the faces around him. “What…”

“How do you feel?” The Inquisitor placed a slim hand on his shoulder. “We almost lost you.”

He frowned and then looked at his arm in shock. The shirt was torn but the flesh underneath was pink and new. “I was attacked… poisoned.” He then looked at Thalia as if seeing her for the first time. “You…”

Something in his expression made her blood run cold and she climbed off the bed, taking a step back until she ran into Bull standing behind her. Before she could speak, Dorian stepped in and Cullen’s attention was turned to him as he and the Inquisitor checked him over for any lingering effects of the poison.

While he was distracted Thalia stepped around Bull and slipped quietly from the room; her departure going unnoticed by everyone except Varric. He frowned as the door closed with a soft click and with a glance back at Cullen and the others, turned to follow.


	23. Chapter 23

“I would think that after all of that, it would be impossible to tear you from your husband’s side,” Varric leaned on the railing at the top of the stairs and looked down at Thalia with a frown.

She stopped on the stairs and he caught a glimpse of the anguish in her face as she glanced up at him quickly. “He knows.” She stared at the door ahead of her. “Even though he was nearly dead, somehow he knows… what…”

“So what?”  Varric said angrily. “You would have told him anyway. Why would it make any difference?”

He saw a tremble run through her shoulders as she shook her head. “You didn’t see his face when he looked at me.”

“I did and apparently I didn’t see that same thing you did. All I saw was confusion and not a little bit of relief that you were okay.”

“There was more.” She whispered. “Varric, just leave it be. You don’t know all of it. I’m not… I don’t think I’m even human… I can’t ask him to overlook that. I can’t expect him to accept…”

“Bullshit!” The dwarf cut her off angrily. “He promised to love and accept you no matter what. I know the Commander, he meant those vows.” He gave her a pointed stare when she raised her tear stained face to him, “and you did too. I’d like to think I know you, too, and whatever this is; it isn’t something you would have hidden from him deliberately.”

“No. If I’d known I wouldn’t have let him get close to me to start with.”

“Seems to me you tried that anyway; it didn’t work. Kitten, he loves you, how could you think he’d reject you now?”

“There are some things that can’t be overlooked,” She shook her head and placed a hand on the door to the hall. “It’s for the best that I leave now.”

“Skyhold is a big place, for sure, but it’s limited. You can’t get far.”

She shook her head and pushed the door open, fleeing through it without a reply. Varric’s eyes narrowed as the door slammed shut.

“She wouldn’t…” He muttered with a shake of his head.

Then figuring Thalia’s determination, he was pretty sure she would. He spun on his heel and stalked back to the Inquisitor’s room. There was only one person that had a chance of stopping her.

“Look, I’m fine.” Cullen scowled at the group hovering over him. “I’m a little tired, but I’m fine.” He looked around the room. “Where’s Thalia.”

“On her way out of Skyhold, if I read her right,” Varric said tersely walking back into the room.

“What?” The Inquisitor and the others turned to the dwarf as he leaned against the door frame.

Before he could even reply the blond man was out of the bed and across the room, holding him by the collar. “Why?!”

“Calm down, Curly! I didn’t do anything to her. She seems to think that you will, though. She’s leaving to avoid, what she seems to think is some sort of problem with her.” He stepped aside as Cullen let go of him. “I’d suggest you stop her before she gets out of Skyhold’s walls.”

 

Thalia stroked the muzzle of the bay mare the stable master had prepared for her. He’s assured her that the horse was fleet of foot, but very gentle and easily managed. Given her lack of experience, she only hoped he was right. She’d prefer to leave on foot, but the mare would get her further away faster.

She knew Cullen; he wouldn’t let her go without a fight. He would pursue her if needed. He would want to honor his vows, regardless of what had changed. It wasn’t right. She wasn’t who he thought he was promising to take care of; who he thought he’d fallen in love with. If she could get far enough away from Skyhold then she could just disappear. In time he’d forget about her and move on with his life, hopefully with someone who deserved him.

Hot tears sprang to her eyes and she took a shaky breath. She gripped the edges of the saddle and pressed her head against the leather, trying to regain her composure.

“If you that torn up about leaving, then why are you doing it?”

With a gasp she turned around, pressing her back against the horse. Cullen was leaning against the side of the stable watching her with a grim expression.

“I…” She was frozen in her spot by his amber gaze, her hand going to her throat. He was angry; more so than she thought he’d be.

“Well?”

“I… I didn’t think that…”

He sighed and pushed away from the wall. “That’s the problem, isn’t it?” He came to a stop in front of her. “You didn’t even stop and think about this. You just reacted.” He leaned around her, so close that she felt his body’s heat as he grabbed her small pack from the saddle.

“Cullen…” For a moment she closed her eyes, breathing in the scent of sweat and spices that was so familiar to her.

“I’d prefer not to do this with an audience, if you don’t mind.” He finally said tersely, nodding a head towards the stable hands. “Come with me. If after we talk, you are still set on leaving,” he shook his head, “I won’t stop you.”

Thalia hesitated for a brief moment and then with a word to one of the stable hands that she’d be back, she followed Cullen across the bailey. He took her to their room and locked the door behind him. At her look he raised an eyebrow.

“Have I truly done something so terrible that you believe that I would bring you here to hurt you? I said I wanted to talk undisturbed.”

“No,” Thalia shook her head, ashamed of her reaction. “I’m sorry. You’ve done nothing to deserve that.”

“All I want to know is why.” He finally spoke. Gone was the anger from his voice, replaced with a tone of profound sadness. “I meant what I said, if this is what you truly want to do then I won’t stop you. I’ll even provide you with an escort, but I believe I deserve a reason why.”

Thalia wrapped her arms around herself and stared at the floor miserably. “I saw your face. I don’t know how, but I know you know what… how…” She sighed. “I’m not even sure I can be considered human.” _You’re similar, but not the same._ Suddenly Cole’s words made sense. He’d sensed the spirit inside of her.

“Well, you’re not. Not really.” Cullen ran his hand across the back of his neck. “You’re elf-blooded, so you’re not completely human. It never mattered to me before, why would it now? You’re you, that’s the only thing that matters to me.”

“You know what I mean.”

He did, the spirit had left her memories with him as she passed through him. He knew what had Thalia so upset, but it still didn’t make sense to him that she would throw away what they had together over it. Especially when he obviously didn’t care.

He reached out and took her by the wrist, pulling her to him. Thalia resisted at first and then let him draw her into his arms. “You’re not Cole. You were given the gift of life by that spirit, but you aren’t the spirit. You are you and you’re the woman I fell in love with. That’s not going to change.”

“You’re face when you regained consciousness… that’s not…”

Cullen held her tighter as she started to tremble. “I don’t know what you believe you saw, but I can tell you the only thing I felt was confusion and terrific relief that you were all right. All I could think when I woke was that you might not have survived, that I might have lost you.”

“I’m sorry,” Thalia whispered against his shoulder.

 “Don’t go.” He lifted her face and started kissing her. “I love you. I need you here.” He said between kisses. “Don’t go.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and returned his kisses with equal fervor. All she needed was to know that he truly wanted her here. A soft sigh escaped her lips as he walked her backwards until her back hit the wall. He became more demanding as he pressed her against the rough stone with his body, plunging his hands into her hair. He ravaged her mouth, bruising her lips and drawing a gasp of surprise from her.

He’d been forceful before, but this time it seemed as if he’d let go of all control. There was little gentleness in his touch as he grasped her skirt and dragged it upwards, his hand sliding inside her small clothes. Thalia leaned her head against the wall, her breath coming in ragged gasps, startled at her own body’s rapid response to his touch.

She slid her hands down his arms and untied the laces of his trousers, her fingers sliding along his arousal. Cullen let out a low growl and yanked her small clothes down over her hips and let her kick them free. He grabbed her hands and pinned them against the wall over her head with one hand while he gripped her knee and pulled it up around his hip.

Thalia let out a cry and arched against the wall when he thrust into her. Hearing her voice seemed to break whatever spell was over him and suddenly he slowed. He let go of her hands and she clutched at his shoulders as he leaned his head against hers, his breathing harsh.

“I…” He stared into her gray eyes, his own full of shock. “Oh Maker, Thalia… I…”

She tightened her leg around him and met his gaze full on. “If you stop now, I’ll never forgive you.” She panted.

His eyes darkened and he gripped her hip in one hand, the other against the wall beside her head, and he started to move steadily. Crying his name, Thalia’s eyes slid closed, her body twisting against his as she quickly reached her peak. The feel of his body against her and the release of tension suddenly left her weak and tears flowed down over her skin.

Cullen held her by the hips as he moved, finishing soon after she did. Violent tremors shook his body as he buried his face against her hair and she heard her name on his lips.

They stayed there for long minutes, his body pinning her against the stone wall until they both seemed to regain some of their composure. Finally, he took a step away from her and they straightened their clothes. With a frown he reached out and brushed her cheek with his thumb, spreading the wetness from her tears across her flushed skin.

“I… I didn’t mean to hurt… I don’t know what…”

She laughed softly and wrapped her arms around his back, pressing against him. “I’m fine. You didn’t hurt me; not much. Sometimes… It’s okay to be more… assertive.”

“That went a bit beyond that.” He pressed his lips against her neck and she shuddered at his kiss. “Go upstairs and let me apologize to you properly?”

“Hmmm… I’m all yours Commander.”

“No more talk about leaving.”

She arched a slender eyebrow at him, her eyes sparkling mischievously. “I can’t promise that… if this is what happens when I do.”

Cullen coughed and turned a bit red before suddenly giving her a crooked grin. “Mistress Rutherford, if you will not do that again, I’m sure I can find other reasons to have my way with you.”

She let out a squeal of laughter as he grabbed her and flipped her over his shoulder and walked purposefully towards the ladder.

“Cullen! Let me go!”

“Never!”


	24. Chapter 24

“He still watches you, you know.”

Thalia started and turned to eye the flaxen haired young man as he came to a stop in front of her. She held up a hand to let her guard know that he was not a danger.

“Cole…” She crossed her arms in front of her. She knew he was always around, but it was rare he made his presence known. “I assume you mean whoever it was that sent me the notes.”

“Yes. His plans are not finished. You caused him a setback when Cullen didn’t die, but he watches and waits.”

“Yet, you still don’t know who he is?”

“He masks his presence.” Cole’s light eyes swept the battlements with a frown. “I can feel him lingering in the shadows, but I can never find him.” Thalia heard the frustration creep into the young man’s voice.

“A mage?” She bit her lip. “I have no connection to any mages, save the ones here. I can’t imagine why one would be hunting me.”

“Not just mage… he can _do things_ the mages here can’t. He hides himself from everyone’s view, he hides his thoughts from me, but he can’t hide his feelings. His rage and loathing are too strong; they can’t be masked.”

Thalia glanced in her guard’s direction as she saw Cullen approaching. He stopped and talked to the young man for a moment before dismissing him, taking over the job of keeping her safe.

“Are you all right?” He asked, his amber eyes settling on Cole.

“Yes.” Thalia leaned against Cullen’s shoulder while Cole repeated his message to the man.

“I hate to say it, but it reeks of blood magic to me.” Cullen finally said thoughtfully.

“Blood magic?” Thalia looked between the two. “Wouldn’t there be signs?”

Blood mages used blood to power their spells and had access to certain spells that other mages didn’t. In Thalia’s limited knowledge of them, they used the blood of others. Many times that resulted in the death, or at the very least debilitating weakening, of the person they used.

“Not if he’s using his own blood.”

“They do that?” She shuddered at the thought.

“Elven blood mages, especially, use their own blood for spells. Some human mages have also picked up the practice. It makes it easier for them to conceal their practice.” Cullen looked back to Cole. “Cole, speak with Solas about this; Dorian too. They both have unique knowledge of such things and may have some idea of how to track a mage who could be using blood magic to conceal his movements.”

“I’ll find what I can.” The young man nodded and to Thalia seemed to melt back into the shadows around them.

She watched the spot where he’d been for a moment and shivered. “He unnerves me sometimes.”

“As well he should,” Cullen leaned against the battlement wall and crossed his arms. “At times he reminds one of a lost child, but I can assure you that he’s as deadly as anyone else here; more so, possibly. He’s completely unpredictable.” He reached out and lightly brushed the back of his fingers against her cheek before wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close.

“I’m surprised you allow him to linger around me then,” Thalia murmured, resting her cheek against his armored shoulder.

“I’m not sure I could stop him even if I wished it,” he chuckled. “He seems to… like you. I truly believe that he would never do anything to hurt you.”

Thalia sighed and pulled away with a frown. She stepped around him and placed her hands on the top of the stone wall, looking out over the snow peaked mountains.

“What is it?” Cullen set his hands on her shoulders.

“He says I’m still in danger, obviously you agree, but I can’t keep living my life under constant guard.”

“I’m certainly not dismissing them until we’re absolutely sure this is resolved. We may not have heard anything over the last couple of weeks, but that doesn’t mean whoever it is has moved on. Cole pretty much confirmed the truth of that.”

“Hmm,” She murmured as he pulled her back against him and placed a light kiss behind her ear. “When are we going to discuss the rest?”

“The rest of what?”

She turned in the circle of his arms, her back to the stone wall, and crossed her arms. “Cullen, we never… we just went on as usual. No discussion, no questions, nothing. We can’t keep going without talking about what we found out about me.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “I wasn’t aware there was anything else to discuss. You’re the daughter of two Grey Wardens, conceived with the help of a spirit. She stayed with you through your life until recently when she sacrificed herself to save me. What else is there to talk about? There is the fact that it was probably her that allowed you to calm people when you needed to. I’m pretty sure that was her since you’ve said that you don’t seem to be able to do it now. I still don’t see what we need to talk about?”

“You nearly died because of me.”

“But I didn’t. It was because of your unique birth that I’m here right now.”

She let out an exasperated sound. “It’s as simple as that to you isn’t it?”

“It is as long as you’re not planning on trying to leave again.”

“No.” She shook her head. “I won’t try to run away again.”

He placed his hands on the wall on either side of her, trapping her between his body and the hard stone. “I’m not him.” He said lowering his head to kiss her.

“No, you most certainly are not.” Thalia whispered against his mouth.

“I would never reject you for how you were born, or what has happened to you in the past.” He kissed her again, feeling a surge of triumph as he felt her melt against him, her arms going around his neck. “Let’s go home.”

She nodded silently and before she realized what he was doing he swept her up into his arms. “Cullen!”

“I like having you in my arms,” He smirked at her as he walked towards their room, ignoring the amused looks from his soldiers.

“Your men are staring,” Thalia buried her face against his neck to hide her rosy blush.

“Let them. It inspires confidence to see their Commander well and happy.”

She couldn’t argue with that one. They’d given his men plenty of cause to worry of late. If this little display of affection between them reassured his men, how could she protest?

 

Cullen left Thalia sleeping peacefully in their bed, a few hours later, to work on the stack of reports waiting on his desk. Not anticipating any interruptions, he sat at his desk with tousled hair and clad only in trousers and sipped at a glass of brandy as he read. Partway through his glass he set the papers aside and looked into the amber liquid with a frown.

Something didn’t taste quite the same. He always drank a bit in the late evenings to take the edge off the lyrium cravings. The alcohol helped settle him and at times was all that allowed him to get any real sleep. Not that he ever drank enough to lose control, more he drank just enough to regain control. He was the type of man that needed to be in control of himself at all times and the lyrium cravings took that away from him. The small amounts of alcohol he consumed gave him a measure of control back by dulling the effects of the withdrawals. Now, even that seemed a little off to him.

He then realized, in the two weeks since Thalia’s spirit healed him, he hadn’t suffered from the effects of the lyrium withdrawal once. He still had nightmares, but even those seemed dulled, less traumatizing than they had been. Gone were the headaches, the sometimes fogginess, the shaking, and the pain. He hadn’t experienced a single one of the symptoms.

Had she also taken the lingering effects of the lyrium from him? If that was the case, then he owed that spirit so much more than he could ever repay. It meant that not only had she given him the wife that he loved so deeply, but she had restored his life to him in full.

He hadn’t told Thalia, but in the horrors of his own past he couldn’t say that he trusted spirits, always having considered them to be too close to demons for comfort. He was going to have to reevaluate this opinion. Recently he’d crossed paths with spirits that truly were good, even if a little confused, as in Cole’s case.

A noise from the loft drew his attention. It sounded like a low cry or a moan and he suspected Thalia was dreaming. Keeping an ear out for her distress levels to increase, he set the glass aside and picked up the report he was reading.

Cullen was deep into the stack of papers when Thalia let out a sudden scream, so full of terror that it froze him to the core. He leapt to his feet, calling out her name as he tossed the papers aside. There was a strangled gasp and the sound of her feet hitting the floor as he grabbed the ladder and climbed it two rungs at a time.

Never, in the time he’d known her, had he heard her so frightened. Her dreams, though bad, were never so vivid as to cause her to sound like that. Was this what had happened the night she’d attacked Bull and Dorian?

When he jumped up onto the loft floor, Thalia was pressed back against the wall by the bed, her eyes wide and face sheet white. She was staring past him, seeing something that he couldn’t, still apparently trapped within her nightmare. He called to her and crossed the floor in long strides until he was right in front of her. She jerked violently away when he touched her arm, her eyes snapping to his face.

She still wasn’t seeing him, though. He didn’t know what it was that she did see, but it filled her with terror so violent and desperate that she struck out at him. If she’d had a blade in her hand she would have opened the side of his face to the bone. Instead, luckily, she only managed to connect with the side of her fist. He grunted and clenched his teeth and grabbed her by the wrist. He’d have a bruise there; of that he was sure. Ignoring the throbbing ache in his face, he managed to grab her other wrist and held her still while he called to her, trying to snap her out of her dream.

Thalia writhed and twisted against his grip, her fear giving her strength beyond her norm. With a sudden jerk, she turned her arms and dropped down, forcing pressure against his fingers. He had to let go of her or risk breaking the bones of her wrists.

He released her and she dove past him frantic to get away. Putting the bed between them, she turned and walked backwards, keeping her eyes on him and the room around him. Cullen’s heart stopped in his chest as she stopped and suddenly was teetering at the edge of the loft. He knew that a fall from there to the stone floor below would most likely kill her.

His eyes narrowed as he calculated the distance between them and vaulted the bed reaching for her at the same time. Just as Thalia started to fall Cullen got his arm around her waist and he kicked backwards with his heels at the same time. They reeled backwards and landed on the loft floor with a thud. His breath left him with a groan as his shoulder connected with the hard stone of the floor. His arm tightened around Thalia’s waist and he tucked her in close to him, using his body as a cushion to protect her as they fell.

“C…Cullen?”

And then she started to cry. Great gasping sobs wracked her body as he held her tight against his chest. Gritting his teeth against the pain in his shoulder and face, he managed to reach behind him and grab a blanket from the bed. He covered her nakedness while he talked to her in soothing tones.

When he felt she has calmed enough he finally moved them until he was sitting with his back against the side of the bed. Thalia pulled the blanket tighter around herself and curled up in his lap, her damp face resting against his chest. Cullen smoothed his hand through her tangle of black hair, pushing it back from her face as he kissed the top of her head.

She finally started to speak, her voice hesitant and trembling. As she talked to him of the nightmare and her inability to break free from it, he was filled with an almost overwhelming rage. What she described of being trapped in her nightmare, conscious of it but unable to escape, he was sure was the effects of blood magic. Someone had grabbed control of her mind, guided her nightmares, and then held her prisoner within them. To the best of his knowledge, only a blood mage could accomplish such a thing.

This needed to end and it needed to end soon or Thalia truly was going to lose her mind. He remembered Cole’s words from the last time. He had told Dorian and Bull that whoever it was wouldn’t be satisfied until she was dead, but first he was going to take her mind from her. He buried his face in her hair and held her tight and vowed to her that he would move the very heavens themselves to find who was doing this to her.

They sought to take her life but he would take theirs. It was he that wouldn’t stop until their blood ran hot over his blade. This beautiful woman, his precious wife, _would_ live the life she deserved. She would have a life without fear and torment if it meant risking his own to accomplish it.


	25. Chapter 25

Cullen doubled the guard around Thalia when he wasn’t able to watch over her himself because of his duties with the Inquisition. The Inquisitor understood his situation with Thalia and offered any resources she had at her disposal to assist them. So far he had come up frustratingly empty handed.

Now the situation with Corypheus was heating up. They had gained the allies they needed and weakened Corypheus’s army and forced him on the defensive. It was the ideal time to strike at him and they were planning an assault in the Arbor Wilds. He was currently in that region continuing his search through ancient elven ruins. They didn’t know before what he was hunting for but the witch, Morrigan, had revealed that she believed he was looking for an eluvian mirror. One of an ancient network of mirrors that allowed the elves to travel from one place to another. With the eluvian, Corypheus could physically enter the Fade and either gain the power of a god or destroy their world. The latter seemed much more likely.

Victory at the Arbor Wilds and stopping Corypheus from gaining control of the mirror would be a major turning point in their battle against him. They had to strike at him and it had to be soon.

His attention was divided, though, he worried for Thalia. She was becoming increasingly pale and withdrawn. He knew she hated the loss of her freedom, not able to go anywhere without someone having to be with her. She barely ate or slept. Her fear was consuming her and he felt helpless to help her. Without being able to find out who was behind this, he was at a standstill. So far neither Cole or Leliana’s spies had managed to turn anything up.

Solas and Dorian agreed with Cullen’s assessment that they were most likely dealing with a blood mage. This confused Thalia even more, she had had no dealings with any sort of mage in her past. She knew a few, but there was no connection strong enough to explain what was being done to her.

“What’s wrong?”

Cullen’s attention as drawn to his wife, who was curled up in the chair by his desk looking over the latest set of reports that had come in.

“I’m sorry?”

She set the papers aside and fixed him with a stare. “You’ve been glaring at the same report for near twenty minutes now. What’s wrong?”

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “We’re planning a major offensive against Corypheus in the Arbor Wilds. He’s after an artifact there and we need to stop him before he finds it.”

“I assumed that was coming after some of the recent reports I’ve read.”

“I’m going to have to leave you here for a while.”

“Hmm.” She leaned back in the chair and crossed her arms. “I also assumed that. It’s a massive military move, the Inquisitor will expect you to be at your place at the head of her army.”

“I’m not…”

A knock at the door interrupted him and with a grimace he got up and went to open it. He spoke for a few minutes to the person on the other side before closing the door and turning back to Thalia.

“Come with me.” Cullen held out a hand to her. “I have something for you.”

Thalia eyed him curiously but she got up and took his hand and allowed him to lead her from the room. Once out of their room, Cullen tucked her arm through his and walked with her towards the stairs leading down into the bailey.

Outside their room there was another tower that one had to pass through to get to Cullen’s office from the stairs leading up from the bailey near the tavern. Thalia truly couldn’t count the number of times she’d walked through the ramshackle room on her way to Cullen’s. For weeks now, she hadn’t been able to access the tower, its door had been locked tight. Builders had created a walkway along the wall running outside the room to allow people to pass by on their way to see the Commander.

It was to this tower that Cullen took her. He stopped at the door and reached into his pocket and pulled out a key, handing it to her with a small smile. Thalia gave him a questioning look, but remained silent as she unlocked the door. She let out a small gasp as the door swung open.

The tower had been completely renovated. It had a loft, much like their current room, but this one had a proper set of stairs running along the wall to it. This loft instead of being open, had been walled in, creating a private room. The bottom floor had been set up with bookshelves and a small loveseat with chairs near a fireplace. A small desk stood in one corner to allow Cullen to continue his work here, though he planned to keep his larger office for when he was on duty. Another desk had been set up in the opposite corner, for Thalia, with various writing instruments and a box containing vials and various herbs. It was a perfect place for her to continue her study of the healing arts. Near the fireplace was a table and chairs with a chessboard set up on it, small enough that they could pull it out into the floor when they wished to use it.

He led her up the stairs to the bedroom, it was already set up with a closet and dressers for their belongings. Another smaller fireplace was built along the outside wall for the winter months. There was a pair of nightstands along with a plush chair by the fireplace and a taller table with a basin and pitcher for washing up. All the room needed was for their bed to be moved into it and the nightstands to be set up next to the bed.

The upstairs room was marginally larger than the downstairs area and Thalia realized they had built a new wall on the back of the tower to make a walkway to allow people to pass by the tower without disturbing the occupants.

She went back down the stairs and turned around slowly before she stopped and looked at Cullen. “This… I…”

He looked worried, nervous, as he watched her face. “Even once we defeat Corypheus, we’re going to be here for a while. There’s still so much for the Inquisition to do.” He gestured to the room. “We should have a space of our own; without my work always being in the middle of it.”

She looked at him and then around the tower again before raising an eyebrow as she glanced at him.

“Maker’s breath, Thalia…” He said helplessly. She turned and he held out a hand to her. “You hate this…” He sighed.

Thalia took his hand and let him draw her to him, settling in his arms with her cheek against his shoulder. “I don’t. Cullen, I love this.” Her voice choked as she spoke. “I never even suspected you were having this done.”

“I did my best to keep it quiet. I wanted to surprise you. The other night, though, after… I had the wall added. You scared years off of me that night and I needed to make sure you were never in that kind of danger again.” He gently stroked her soft hair.

He pulled back and turned, sliding his arms around her slim shoulders. “Besides, it gives you more privacy and, well… I thought… ah… If we…”

Thalia tilted her head to look at him and realized a light blush had actually crept across his face. She looked back up at the loft and her eyes narrowed. “Ah, I see. This was a wonderful choice to build our home in.”

A small smile touched her lips. He was trying to tell her that once their lives settled, he wanted to start a family, if they were able to. He knew that she worried that they wouldn’t be able to have children and because of that, he hadn’t had the extra room built. It was something he would do if the time came for it.

“This is… perfect.” She finally said and he relaxed visibly. She turned and stepped back into his arms, letting him hold her close. “You know; you shouldn’t keep worrying that you will disappoint me. You could never… you’re more than I ever hoped for.”

“I promise you we’ll end this as soon as we can. _I_ will end this as soon as _I_ am able.” He murmured against her cheek. “You _will_ be safe here.”

She smiled against the fur of his collar. “I know.”

She knew he meant every word he said, but she failed to see how even he could stand against a blood mage bent on her destruction. Especially one that could mask his presence so well.

“I’ll get some help moving our bed, and a few other things over to here then.”

“Today?” She leaned back and smiled at him. “I’d like to move in today.”

He kissed her gently before letting her go. “Come on. We’ll do it right now.”

 

He lay on his side, propped up on one arm, and watched her sleeping. Since Thalia’s nightmares became worse Cullen had adopted this habit. He’d wake in the night and watch over her while she slept. So far there hadn’t been another incident, but he was always on guard for it to happen again. It seemed to him that her stalker always waited until she started gaining her confidence back again before he pulled the floor out from under her.

He was to leave in the morning with the Inquisition army and he worried incessantly about what might happen to her while he was gone. He knew Varric and Cole would keep an eye on her and his own soldiers, who were staying behind to guard Skyhold, had offered to extend their shifts to make sure she was guarded. That didn’t watch over her at night when she was alone in their room.

Would the mage take that chance to infiltrate her dreams again? How many times could that happen to her before her mind finally broke?

He started as he realized he was suddenly looking into the gray depths of her eyes as she lay on her back and gazed up at him.

“What is it?” She murmured sleepily and shifted closer, snuggling into his warmth. “Are you all right?”

The light stone on her stand flickered gently casting a dim light over her as he slid the back of his hand along her cheek, brushing her hair from her face. “Nothing. I enjoy watching you sleep.”

Thalia tilted her head back and frowned at him. “Liar.” She pulled away and sat up. “What is it, Cullen?”

“I’m going to be gone for quite a while. I worry about your safety while I’m gone.” He finally admitted.

“And I worry you won’t come back to me. It’s going to do neither of us any good to let that interfere with what we have to do. Good or bad, we have to endure this. Stopping _him_ is much more important than any personal desires we have and we both know it.” She sighed and drew her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. “We’ll make it through this.”

Cullen sat up and pulled her into his arms. “We have to. The thought of anything else… I can’t…”

Thalia shifted and pulled his head down for a kiss, her hands sliding along his chest. He shivered under her touch and pulled away from her, his eyes studying her face. They hadn’t been intimate since the incident where she nearly fell from the loft. She’d been too distracted, too exhausted and he had left her alone. Her touch now sent a different message.

“It’s all right, Cullen.” Thalia said softly, understanding the question in his eyes.

He pulled her in for another kiss, his hand cupping the back of her head as she pushed him back on the bed.


	26. Chapter 26

_(Author’s Note: Starting with this chapter and moving on through probably the next couple of chapters will contain scenes of violence and abuse, some of a sexual nature. I will continue to tag each chapter as I move through this set of scenes.)_

 

Thalia stood in the bailey with her arms crossed around her waist as she watched the soldiers lining up and preparing to leave. She had to admit that the site of all these people was awe inspiring, but all she could think was how difficult it was for her to breathe. So many of these people would never return to Skyhold, and others still would have their lives shattered forever. She could only pray to the Maker for the safety of all of them, and especially the safe return of her husband.

Bull, Dorian, and Cassandra, along with Morrigan, would be accompanying the Inquisitor as she made her way to the elven ruins to confront Corypheus directly. With luck, they would deal another major blow to Corypheus’s army and secure the eluvian ahead of him.

She turned and watched Cullen as he talked with his captains for a few moments before moving on to speak with the Inquisitor. After a few words the young elven woman put a hand on his arm and gave him a smile before her eyes flickered towards Thalia. With a smile she tilted her head in her direction and Thalia saw her tell him to go to his wife.

“I should be going with you,” her voice choked with the force of her emotions. “I could help with the wounded.”

Now in the light of day all of her bravado from the night before was gone. She needed to be near him. How could she let him go when she needed him with her so badly? She couldn’t bear the thought of facing her days alone again.

Cullen gave her a crooked smile and cupped her pale face gently. “I could never keep you safe there. I’d be too distracted…”

And distractions were what got soldiers killed. She knew that. She didn’t want to be the reason something happened to him. She started to speak and her voice broke, tears filling her eyes. Cullen pulled her into his arms and held her as tight as he could.

“Just remember I love you.” He whispered against her hair. “I’ll come back as soon as I am able.”

“I know.” She pulled back and he cupped her face and kissed her. “I love you.” She said softly.

He stepped back, his hand sliding down her arm until their fingers lingered together for a brief moment before he turned away. He looked to Varric standing a little way away watching them. “Take care of her.”

“Don’t worry about that.” Varric said solemnly. “We both will.”

Thalia knew that he referred to Cole, who she was sure was lurking somewhere nearby watching them. She watched Cullen and the rest start to march out of Skyhold and felt her courage cracking.

She gasped, curling her fist against her chest. She couldn’t breathe. As she watched him disappear through the gates she was struck with a terrible sense of foreboding. Something was going to happen with them so far apart for so long. She sank down on a bench by the wall.

“Varric… I can’t…”

He sat beside her and put a hand against the small of her back. “It’ll be alright. He’s a good soldier and a smart man. He’s going to be fine and so are you.”

She flung her arms around him and pressed her forehead to his shoulder as she fought with herself not to break down completely. He put an arm around her shoulders and remained silent while she struggled with herself.

“Thank you,” Thalia sat back and squared her shoulders, a determined look on her face.

“We can’t be strong all the time, Kitten.” The dwarf said with a smile. “Trust me, there are times when we all struggle. I’m here if ever you need me.”

She nodded and stood up, smoothing her hands over her skirt. “I think the first thing I need to do is find a way to keep myself busy while they’re gone.”

 

She’d made a plan, before Cullen left, as to what she was going to do while he was gone. The surgeon, Gavin, had also left with the army and left some of his junior surgeons behind to take care of patients while he was gone. Thalia figured her help would be needed and she missed the work. At first they were hesitant to let her back to work in the infirmary, knowing that the Commander had pulled her from that duty for her own safety. She was right, though, they could use the help, even with some of the Chantry sisters there to assist, and they eventually gave in and let her go back to work in the infirmary.

It made it easy for her guards and Varric to keep watch over her. She settled into a routine quickly, working at the infirmary from early morning to late afternoon. Usually then she went back to her room to read for a while and then she generally joined Varric in the tavern. Sometimes they played cards and sometimes they just talked over drinks until it was time for her to retire for the night. Varric always walked her back to her room and made sure it was safe before leaving her there for the night with a guard posted at each door.

She saw little of Cole, but she sensed his presence quite frequently. Now and then she’d turn her head in time to see a flitting shadow or such and knew it was him. Despite his oddness she found it strangely comforting to know that the young man was always nearby. She wondered sometimes when he ever slept, or if he even slept.

She still struggled with her nightmares, but they remained her normal dreams. There was no sign of the mage tampering with them. She was learning to open up about them also. Quite often in the evenings when she was with Varric, they talked about her nightmares. She discovered that even he often times suffered from nightmares of his own.

Thalia had always considered the dwarf to be a good friend, but being the only source of strength and comfort she had at the time they’d grown even closer. Despite his flippant outlook he took his role as her protector very seriously and kept a sharp eye on her at all times. He made sure she was escorted wherever she went, that there were always guards at her doors and the infirmary. He also took on the job of making sure she ate; something she forgot to do quite frequently. Under his supervision, which was all she could call it, she was starting to sleep better again and she had put on a couple of the pounds she had recently lost.

Cullen had been gone nearly three weeks and Thalia missed him more each day. They got few reports from the Arbor Wilds. The battle was raging fiercely, but the letters from Josephine let them know that the Inquisitor was advancing and that Cullen was alive. They expected to be there for a while; they wouldn’t leave until the Inquisitor confirmed the presence of the eluvian and hopefully saw it destroyed.

Thalia sighed softly and folded the latest letter from Josephine and tucked it into the pocket of her gown.

“Anything new?” Varric glanced up at her as they walked across the bailey together.

“The Inquisitor has reached the elven ruin,” She told him. “Cullen and the others had dealt a definite blow to his army and are now holding the area until she comes back out.” She noted the thoughtful look on Varric’s face. “I’m sorry. You would have liked to have been with them. Instead you’re here babysitting me.”

“Only so many could go with her,” he replied. “She chooses who according to what she thinks she might face and the strength of her companions. This mission was not suited to me and I’m perfectly happy watching over you.” He shot her a grin. “There are times I could use a little less excitement in my life.”

“Thank you, Varric.” They stopped outside her door and Thalia leaned down and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

She opened the tower door and Varric did a quick check of her room. Finding it empty he bid her good night and left her alone.

She added a couple more sticks of wood to the fireplace and stirred the coals until they glowed bright orange-red. Determining that she wasn’t ready for bed she chose a book from the bookcase and sat in the chair by the fire to read.

A noise opened her eyes a couple of hours later. Thalia sat forward in the chair, her book falling to the floor at her feet. She leaned over and picked up the book and set it on the stand with a frown and then cocked her head listening carefully. Had she actually heard something or had it been part of a dream?

Despite the fire crackling in the fireplace Thalia wrapped her arms around her middle and shivered as she stayed perfectly still, listening. Her eyes shot to the door as she heard a shuffle outside following by a dull thump and a scraping noise. It must be her guard. She got up and crossed the room to check on him.

Thalia opened the door and looked out, frowning when she couldn’t see her guard anywhere. Then she saw the smear of blood on the stone at her feet. Her breath caught in her throat and her heart started to pound as she took a quick step back into the tower.

Before she could close the door someone caught the edge of it and she fought with them over control of it. She eventually lost and was flung backwards as the door flew open and a tall, shadowed figure stepped into the room. He reached up and pulled his hood back and Thalia let out a small shriek, her terror ripping through her in ice cold waves.

“You…” His face was twisted with his rage and hatred, but she knew him all the same. Shock vibrated through her, leaving her numb and rooting her to the floor.

“I think we’ve played this game long enough.” He sneered reaching for her.

Her lips moved in a desperate cry for help, but her fear had paralyzed her voice. Taking great heaving gasps of air, she managed to break herself free from her spot and turned to flee out the other door.

He wrapped his hand in her long hair and jerked back violently. Pain tore through her scalp as she was stopped short and dragged backwards until her back hit his chest. He forced her head back and stared into her wide eyes before his hand came up and pressed against her temple. Blinding pain and a bright light exploded behind her eyes and then all was black.

As Thalia slumped unconscious against him, he picked her up and draped her limp form over his shoulder. He took a quick look around the room with a grimace before he walked out the door and melted into the shadows of the battlements.

His magic would conceal them long enough to get through Skyhold’s gates. After that he would have to cast another spell to keep them hidden for a while longer. For that he was going to need more blood. The elf-blooded whore would serve more than one purpose before he was done with her.

 

“I can’t find her!”

Varric bolted from his bed as Cole suddenly appeared in his room. “Andraste’s ass, Cole!” He shouted angrily. “Knock! Don’t just walk in on someone when they’re sleeping! You’re lucky I didn’t just grab Bianca and shoot you!”

“But I can’t find her!” The young flaxen-haired man repeated in a panic. “She was there, I saw you leave her there, but now she’s not!”

“What are you talking about?”

“Cullen’s love! Who else would I be looking for?”

“Wait… what?” The dwarf reached for his shirt and started pulling on. “Are you telling me that Thalia is missing?”

“I-I think so. I’ve looked all over and I can’t find her.”

“All over? All over where?”

“Everywhere! She’s not in Skyhold! Neither is he!”

Varric’s movements stuttered for a split second before he grabbed Bianca and slung her over his back. “He’s taken her. Where are her guards!?” He stormed out the door without even bothering to look to see if Cole was following.

If he found out that Thalia had been taken out from under her guard’s noses, he’d kill them himself. They wouldn’t have to wait for Cullen to return.

With that thought he groaned to himself. “Andraste’s flaming tits… Cullen’s going to kill us all.”


	27. Chapter 27

_(Author’s Note: The following chapter contains scenes of abuse and violence – some of a mildly sexual nature.)_

 

She first became aware of the pounding pain in her head. Next she noticed the dampness of the cold ground beneath her, her hands bound behind her, a rock bruising her hip. With a barely stifled groan she tried to shift and her eyes slowly slid open. Blinking rapidly to clear her blurred vision, she saw a shadowed form kneeling before a fire a few feet away.

Her eyes flicked around the campsite, taking note of the frosted trees, the barren, rocky ground, his fire, the stars hanging overhead in the night sky. If she had to guess, she’d say they were somewhere near the base of the Frostback Mountains. Whether it was north or south of Skyhold, or even if they were on the Orlesian or Ferelden side, she had no idea.

She must have been out for at least a day to be this far away from Skyhold. With a flash of images, the events of that night played through her mind. The fear, the missing soldiers, his face contorted with loathing and rage, the pain when he caught her as she tried to flee. She rolled to her back, pain throbbing through her arms, and let out a low moan.

Simon. The face had been Simon’s. His features as familiar as her own, even distorted by his hatred as they were. But, how? She killed him. She’d stayed by his side that night, trying to gain control over her terror. She _knew_ he died. She’d checked desperately for any sign of life; a breath, a pulse of blood through his veins, some small warmth in his body, but there had been nothing.

And since when was Simon Agate a mage? His family hated mages. If he’d been one they would have cast him out, disowned him, at the first sign.

Her movements caught the attention of the man at the fire and he was suddenly looming over her. His blue eyes snapped with anger as he reached down and grabbed her by the arms and dragged her to her feet. Thalia cried out in pain as his thumbs dug into the cuts on her arms and a twisted smile of satisfaction crossed his lips.

Not Simon, she realized. Simon’s eyes were hazel, not blue. “W…who…”

“Oh right, you _killed_ him before he ever got the chance to tell you about me, didn’t you?” He sneered and shoved her back against a tree with a thud. He leaned in close, his sour breath wafting across her face and she tried to twist away. “Course if he’d known you were a fucking knife-ear, he never would have allowed you to get close to him to start with.”

“I-I… not…” She gasped as he pressed his forearm into her throat, pinning her there.

“I’m afraid my concealment spell is wearing thin,” He pulled a dagger and ran it lightly across the skin of her throat. “I need to renew it.”

He reared back and Thalia let out a scream as the dagger slashed through her dress and into her side. Hot blood splashed across the blade and ran down her hip. Angered even further by her cry of pain he backhanded her across the face. Her head snapped back and connected with the tree and she slumped forward unconscious again, a trickle of blood running steadily from the corner of her mouth.

“Useless bitch,” he muttered as he worked his magic to strengthen the spell that kept them hidden, using her blood.

Confident that they were once again safe from detection, he used his magic to revive her. She gasped and sat bolt upright, pain lancing through her head and side.

“You really should be more careful. Your precious husband wouldn’t like it if you were too bruised up.” He grinned at her and leaned close. “Then again, he’ll never see you again, will he?”

Thalia struggled against the ropes binding her arms. “Tell me… w-who y-you…” She gasped against the pain.

“Simon never mentioned a brother, did he? No?” He chuckled at her shocked expression. “Of course he didn’t, he wouldn’t dare. Couldn’t have father finding out that he was still in contact with me after I’d been cast out. Shoved off on the Circle after I’d made the mistake of being mage-born.”

Her blood ran cold at his words. “A… twin…”

“Hmm… yes… a twin. And _you_ took away the only person that even cared what happened to me.” He growled at her.

She cried out as he reached out and twisted his fist in her hair, jerking her head forward. Thalia had no choice, but to follow him as he started dragging her towards the fire. He flung her towards the ground and she landed on her side, her shoulder digging into the partially frozen ground. She hissed as pain lanced through the fresh gash in her side. Before she could roll to get to her feet he was on her, straddling her hips. His dagger pricked at the skin through her dress between her breasts as she struggled to throw him off.

“Now, let’s see what had my brother so fascinated that he considered forgiving you for lying to him.” He said in a flat voice.

 

“She’s WHAT?!!” Cullen took a menacing step towards Varric, his hands clenched into fists.

“We’ve searched all of Skyhold and the surrounding area. Her guards are dead and she’s not here.” Varric stood his ground. Whatever Cullen’s rage merited, he figured he deserved it for letting this happen. Not that he’d admit it to many people, but he cared for the young woman nearly as much as her husband did and this was tearing him apart.

“Whoa there!” Bull and Dorian managed to grab Cullen’s arms and restrain him as his hand went for his sword.

“I _trusted_ you to watch over her!” The Commander seethed, straining against the two men in his effort to get to Varric. “ _She_ trusted you! You’re her best friend! You were supposed to keep her safe when I couldn’t!”

Pain crossed the dwarf’s broad face at Cullen’s words, but he remained silent.

“Commander, this isn’t helping,” Dorian said through clenched teeth as the man fought against his and Bull’s grip with an almost inhuman strength.

“Let me go.” Cullen’s tone went deadly. “That’s an order.”

“You’re not _our_ Commander, Commander,” Bull replied with a shake of his head, “and killing him won’t bring her back.”

“He _let_ her be taken!”

“He’s right,” Varric finally said quietly. “She was my responsibility. I failed them both.”

Cullen managed to break free of the mage’s grip and took a step forward his sword sliding from its sheath with a smooth metallic sound before anyone could react. It was easy to see how he’d managed to rise to the top of Templar order in such a short time, with the speed in which he moved and his deadly accuracy as his sword came to a stop with its tip resting lightly against Varric’s neck.

Varric lifted his chin and stared steadily at the tall, blond man, his gaze never wavering.

“That’s enough!” The Inquisitor knocked Cullen’s sword aside with her daggers and stepped between then, her hands held out to each man. “This isn’t going to solve anything!”

She took a deep breath, they had problems coming at them from all sides and they all had to be addressed immediately, but she couldn’t ignore this. She knew how precious Thalia was to her Commander and if they didn’t find her, then he’d be useless to her in the battle ahead. Besides, the young woman was her friend also. They all were and she’d do anything to help any of them.

“We need to make a plan and find her.” She said, keeping an eye on Cullen. In his current state he was unpredictable and she wasn’t sure he wouldn’t go after the dwarf again. He stood deathly still, his amber eyes never leaving Varric as he listened to her. “It’s obvious that whoever took her had already left Skyhold with her. I say we break into groups and find her.”

There was no try to find her. The young elfin woman made it clear that she expected them to find her, no matter what.

Cullen took a shaky breath and his shoulders relaxed slightly as he nodded. “Tell us what you want us to do.”

She recognized that he felt that he wasn’t thinking clearly enough to organize them, so she stepped in and took her place as their leader. As far as she was concerned this was Inquisition business since it affected one of her advisors so deeply.

“To start with, I’ll have Leliana send out as many of her people as she can spare. See if they can find a trail. The rest of us will split into groups and start searching. I don’t want anyone going so far that they can’t receive messages, not yet. Let’s see if we can pick up any clues.”

She sent Varric northeast with Vivienne and Sara. Cassandra, Cole, and one of the Inquisition mages were sent southeast. She decided to take Solas and Blackwall and head southwest while Cullen, Dorian, and Bull headed northwest. Hopefully with any luck, one of them would find some clue as to who took Thalia and where.

“Cullen,” She stopped and gripped his shoulder. He met her eyes silently and she read all she needed to know in his expression. He would not give up until his wife was found, for better or worse. “We’ll find her.”

“You should know that we think we’re dealing with a blood mage,” He finally said quietly.

“I’ll make sure the others are aware of that.”

 

Thalia sat huddled against a tree in the dark, her arms wrapped around her shivering body. In front of her Simon’s twin, Garret he finally told her, stalked back and forth in agitation, muttering under his breath to himself. His concealment spells were holding as far as them being tracked, but an Inquisition scout had stumbled upon them quite by accident earlier that day.

That time Garret used the woman’s blood for his spell, rather than Thalia’s. She was still sick from watching him carve her up. It was more than just a need for blood for his magic, he enjoyed it. He took pleasure in the pain he inflicted; it had been reflected in the wild joy she’d seen in his eyes. She’d seen it when he’d cut her, a surge of ecstasy on his face.

This wasn’t just about revenge for him.

She shifted and winced at the rough bark of the tree biting into her bare back and the numerous cuts and nicks on her body all throbbed to life at once. She’d thought for sure when he’d cut the bodice of her gown off of her that his intent had been to violate her. After all he said that Simon had been considering forgiving her and he wanted to see what was so special about her to cause that.

See, was exactly what he meant, for the most part. He’d ripped off her bodice and then sat back and just… looked at her. When he did touch her, it was with an almost clinical feel. Lifting and weighing her breasts, and sliding his hands across her ribs while she clenched her teeth until they nearly cracked from the pressure. She had remained silent waiting for his next move, but instead he had stood up and walked away from her. A short time later he’d returned and cut her again, using her blood for his spell and then dragged her to her feet and shoved her to the ground away from the reach of the fire’s warmth.

They’d traveled for two more days. During that time, he stopped and bled her on a regular basis, only ever taking enough to fuel his spell. He also talked. She learned that he’d been sent to the circle when he was barely six years old, just as soon as he’d shown a hint of magic. His parents had gone on as if he never existed, wiping any trace of him and their shame from their lives.

The one thing they couldn’t erase was, his twin brother, Simon’s memories of him. As soon as he was old enough Simon started sneaking away from home to visit Garret at the circle. He told the frightened young boy of their parents’ betrayal and how he’d always remain loyal to him. He promised Garret that he would help him escape the circle as soon as he was able.

Thalia learned that Simon had told Garret of her. He told Garret everything and more. It seemed that for a short time Simon considered overlooking her deception and marrying her anyway. Just another way to thumb his nose at his father. The night he attacked her, he had actually gone to speak with her. For whatever reason he’d given in to his rage instead.

Garret never got over his twin’s death, his already warped mind twisting even further. For nearly four years he’d planned his revenge on her. He’d found her deceptively easy to track to Skyhold, where he’d started his games with her and she knew, without a doubt, that her husband was searching for her with every resource he had at his disposal. She just wasn’t sure she could hold out long enough for Cullen to find her.

They were in Orlais; Thalia figured out that much. She suspected somewhere north of The Dales, possibly near Halamshiral. She also suspected that the scout that had managed to find them, was sent by Leliana to try and locate her. There were not many other reasons that the Inquisition would have scouts this far to the north at the moment.

She let out a startled cry as Garret suddenly wheeled and grabbed her, yanking her to her feet. She’d been so lost in her musings that she hadn’t seen him coming. With a sneer he shoved her and she stumbled towards the center of camp. She tripped over her skirt and pitched forward onto the ground, narrowly missing the fire. She rolled close enough to the flames that the heat seared her skin.

He stood over her, fingering the sharp blade of his dagger, his face a mask of hatred and pain. She managed to get her elbows under her and kicked with her heels, scrabbling awkwardly across the ground away from him. She wasn’t fast enough, though, and he stepped on the edge of her skirt. There was a horrifying ripping sound as her skirt was rent up the side, the seam having had enough abuse.

Thalia gasped and kicked out connecting with his knee as he reached for her. Garret let out a grunt of pain and then drew back and struck her across the temple with the pommel of his dagger. Pain exploded in her head and she slumped backwards on the ground.

He stood over her and stared at her for a moment before he walked to his pack and pulled out another rope. Ignoring her pained moans, he knelt and bound her ankles and then flipped her to the side, tying the rope to the one the held her wrists, effectively rendering her completely at his mercy.

“You know; I was going to kill you… eventually…” He murmured, running the sharp tip of the dagger along her check, leaving a red weal in its path. “I think dying would be too fast for you. I think Simon would appreciate you suffering for a very long time for what you did to him.” He looked to the northeast. “Yes, we’ll head for Montsimmard. A person can get lost in a city that size. I’ll find someone for you there.”

Thalia stared at him dumbly, unable to think clearly. Suddenly his words clicked in her head. Dear Maker, he intended to sell her to the Tevinter Slavers.


	28. Chapter 28

_(Author’s Note: The following chapter contains scenes of abuse and violence – some of a mildly sexual nature.)_

Cullen stared mutely at the bundle of bloodied and torn cloth the scout handed him. He recognized it as part of Thalia’s dress. It looked like it had been cut forcefully from her, but what worried him most was the blood. How badly had she been hurt? He clenched his fist in the cloth and closed his eyes, pulling himself together.

“How far?” He finally asked.

“Just a day’s ride east of here.”

“Towards Halamshiral then.”

“They didn’t go that far. It looks like they turned further east, possibly towards Verchiel or Montsimmard.” The young man shifted and looked as if he wanted to say more.

“What is it,” Cullen glared at him.

“I found… that is…” The young man sighed. “There’s been blood every place it looks like they camped. And one of our scouts… she…”

“I know about her.” The Commander stopped him grimly. “We’re positive now that he’s a blood mage, I can only assume he’s using my _wife_ as his source of blood. Have you found anything else?”

“Not yet, Commander. The others are going forward, but I was sent back to report in.”

Cullen rubbed his fingers between his eyebrows, trying to relieve the effects of a headache that he’d had now for days. “Thank you. Get yourself something to eat and rest. You’ve done well.”

“With all due respect, but no thank you, Ser.” At Cullen’s surprised look, he stood a bit straighter. “I’ll join my companions back in the field, Ser. We all promised we wouldn’t stop until Mistress Rutherford is found and I intended to follow through with that.”

He didn’t know what to say to the young man except to thank him again. With a nod the scout hurried off to refill his supplies and head back out to follow Thalia’s trail.

“She’s touched a lot more people than we realize,” Dorian said coming to a stop beside Cullen. “Her work at the infirmary has affected so many people, either directly or indirectly. That young man,” He nodded his dark head in the scout’s direction. “I hear his new wife, a young elfin woman, would have died in childbirth if not for Thalia. They’ll all push themselves to the limit to help find her.”

“I know.” Cullen said quietly. “It just seems no matter how far they push, they’re staying one step ahead of us all the time. Every time we think we’ve found them, they’re gone.”

“Because we’re sitting on our hands waiting for reports. Whoever he is, he’s got a plan and a route, he’s not going to stay in one place for more than a day.” Dorian crossed his arms and frowned. “The longer he has her the more he’s hurting her.” He finally said.

“What are you… are you suggesting…” Cullen glanced over at the mage.

“Stop waiting for them to report back. A small group would be best, harder to notice.”

“Fine. Gather who you want. We’ll leave immediately.”

Dorian watched Cullen walk away with a raised eyebrow. The lack of hesitation on the Commander’s part told him how worried he was for Thalia. He would fare better actually _doing_ something than waiting here.

“No.” Cullen said as Dorian joined him on the outskirts of camp a little later. “Not _him._ ”

“We need Varric’s skills. He can get a shot off from an incredible distance without anyone hearing him.”

“It’s not his fault this happened and you know that.” Bull spoke up. “Varric did everything he was supposed to. She didn’t want him bunking in your room. Beyond that he never left her side.”

Cullen made an exasperated noise and looked away. “I can’t…”

“You don’t have to. Just work with me. You don’t have to forgive me. Maker knows I haven’t.” The dwarf shifted and crossed his arms. “Just let me help.”

“Fine.” The Commander wheeled on him. “But stay out of my way. If we find her and she’s… she’s…” He closed his eyes, he couldn’t say it.

“I understand.”

They left the Inquisition’s camp and headed north west towards Verchiel, careful to slip away without drawing attention. As they moved through the woods Cullen caught a flicker of movement out of the corner of his eye here and there and realized that Cole had chosen to follow them. The young man was devastated about Thalia’s abduction and had been searching tirelessly for a way to find her. Since her disappearance Cole had kept to himself, sticking to the shadows like a ghost, mournful and remorseful. Cullen wasn’t surprised to catch sight of him following them.

They came to the campsite where the scout had been killed pretty quickly and they searched around for anything the scouts might have missed. Standing in the middle of the camp staring down at the ashes from their fire, Cullen frowned.

“One thing has been bothering me,” He said looking up at the others. “If this person was out for revenge, which it seems they are. Why haven’t they killed her yet? What purpose is there in keeping her alive this long?”

“Could it be someone that’s using her to get at you, rather than revenge against her?” Bull asked kneeling down on the ground and looking over a spot where the dirt had been disturbed by a small form.

“Wait, Montsimmard…” Dorian started and looked between them.

Cullen’s brows drew together. “Big city, lot of people from all over. People from Tevinter also. Andraste preserve me, he’s taking her to the slavers.”

“What better way to make sure she spends a lifetime suffering for her crimes?” Dorian replied.

“We need to move. Now.”

 

He was sinking further into his madness as each day went by. Thalia tried to shrink back into the shadows outside the fire as Garret paced back and forth in front of her, muttering to himself.  Now and then he’d stop and stare at her with wild eyes and then he’d go back to his pacing. She wondered at one point how no one at the Circle had noticed his insanity. Surely there must have been signs for him to be this far gone now.

He no longer fed her or gave her water, seeming to forget that she needed such things. He accused her of being a demon, come to taunt him. He bled her more and more frequently, desperate to cover their presence with his magic, which he was convinced was failing. She was exhausted, weak; blood loss coupled with hunger and thirst sapping what reserves of strength she had.

She couldn’t fight him, her hands and feet kept bound except when he needed her to walk. She didn’t have the strength to try to run. All she could do was stumble mutely along wherever he dragged her. He told her he intended to sell her to the slavers, but she was now convinced that she wouldn’t live to see the Orlesian city of Montsimmard.

She gasped and tried to scrabble backwards on the ground away from him as he suddenly wheeled on her, his eyes wild and unfocused.

“He saw you for what you were!” He ranted at her. “He loved you, but he knew you for the demon that you were. It wasn’t the cursed whore of an elf that bore you that finally turned him away from you! He _saw_ what you were! And you killed him to keep your secrets!”

“I…I’m not…” Her words were cut off with a cry as he grabbed her hair and yanked her head back, the tip of his dagger at her throat.

He dragged her to her feet and pushed her towards the fire. Her bound feet caught and she tripped, her knees hitting the ground with bone jarring pain. She didn’t dare make a sound as he loomed over her. She discovered that her cries of pain and fear only spurred him on and had since fought with herself to keep her silence. She tensed as he dragged the tip of his blade down her bared back, thin trickles of blood running where he pressed too hard.

“Demon… lust… desire… I saw what you did. You dallied with the men; the dwarf, the Qunari, and the mage. You led their commander around by his heart, bending him to you foul will. I _saw_ you!”

He slashed the rope around her ankles and then shoved her forward. The impact of her face hitting the ground drove her teeth into her lip and she tasted the hot copper of blood in her mouth. He grabbed her shoulder in a bruising grip and jerked her over onto her back.

“I need more power. It’s not enough. They can find me.” He chanted as his dagger slid beneath the waist of her skirt, slicing her flesh as he slashed through the fabric. “I’ll give you what you want if you’ll give me more power.”

Thalia read the intent in his eyes and suddenly started to struggle with the last of her strength. “No no no no…” She chanted as she tried to get away, the sharp stones on the ground beneath her biting into her arms and shoulders.

He reared back and struck her with the back of his hand. Her head snapped sideways, the ground scraping her face as her vision blurred and dimmed. Silent tears ran down her cheeks as he violently cut away the rest of her clothing, paying no heed to the slips of his dagger and the blood that ran from her skin.

 

“Easy,” Bull clamped a hand on Cullen’s shoulder to stop him rushing headlong into the forest. “Remember, he’s a mage.”

“And I’m a Templar, you don’t think I can hold my own against a mage?” Cullen snapped under his breath.

“Maybe if you still used lyrium and practiced the Templar arts,” Dorian whispered. “How long has it been since you’ve done so? We know they’re here. Give Varric time to locate exactly where.”

“I can find them without his help!” Cullen heard Thalia scream from somewhere ahead of them and broke free from Bull’s hand. “Maker take me if I let him hurt her any longer!”

 

Thalia writhed on the ground trying to escape Garret as his hands moved over her, bruising her. When he cupped her between her thighs, his fingers digging into her cruelly she managed to call on a last reserve of strength. Screaming with rage she bucked, throwing him off balance and as he teetered backwards she managed to bring one foot up and kicked him squarely in the chest.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw movement in the trees as Garret raised his hands preparing to use his magic on her. She rolled and managed to stagger to her feet, her hands still bound behind her. With a grunt she dove for Garret, her shoulders hitting him in the stomach and knocking him backwards, his concentration broken.

They rolled around the ground and suddenly her hands were free. In her struggles she’d managed to loosen the knots of the rope enough that they finally came undone. Able to move freely, she struck him as hard as she could in the face with her elbow. Scrambling to her feet she made to flee for the woods, but he was faster, fueled by his anger and madness. He caught her by the hair and jerked her backwards.

She twisted in his grasp, turning as he dragged her across the ground. Then she saw it. His dagger tucked back in his belt and momentarily forgotten. Faster than she thought she could move she snatched the blade from his belt and with a shriek swung it wildly in his direction. The blade connected with his arm, deep enough to strike bone and with a curse he flung her away from him.

Thalia hit the ground and the snap of her arm sent blinding pain through her as she screamed. Frantic not to let him get a hold of her again she made herself roll and get back to her feet, standing at a crouch with the dagger held in front of her.

He stopped and a slow grin crossed his face as he raised his hands. She’d given him the time he needed to call forth his magic.

With a desperate cry she rushed him and as he let loose a bolt of pure electricity through her she sank the dagger as far as she could into his chest. At nearly that exact moment a crossbow bolt struck him between the shoulders and he spun around and dropped to the ground.

“Thalia!”

She turned, her steps faltering as the last of Garret’s lightening spell traveled through her and into the ground. She saw Cullen’s horrified face as he charged towards her with Bull and Dorian behind him. And then she fell.

Garret struggled to his feet, already readying another spell with what strength he had left. Another bolt from Varric’s crossbow struck him in the neck as Cullen reached him and with a powerful swing of his sword struck him down.

Cullen’s sword hit the ground beside the dead mage as he skidded to his knees, reaching for Thalia. He pulled her into his lap, bending over her and looking for any sign of life.

“She still lives! Dorian! Maker, her wounds…”

“I see.” The mage said quietly as he knelt on the other side of the young woman and without hesitation placed his hands on her.

Bull looked around the camp as Varric emerged from the tree line, his broad face grim. The large man grabbed a blanket from the bed Garret had made for himself and handed to the dwarf as he walked by him. Wordlessly Varric stopped beside Cullen and knelt down, carefully draping the blanket over her.

“Thank you.” Cullen said quietly as he gently tucked the blanket around his wife where he could without disturbing Dorian.

They spent most of the night like that. Cullen holding Thalia as best he could while Dorian worked tirelessly to heal her wounds and keep her alive. Bull and Varric stayed out of their way. They sat by the fire, staring at the flames wordlessly, only moving when they needed to add more wood. As the sun started to brighten the morning sky the mage finally sat back tiredly and looked up at the Commander.

“She’ll be all right,” He said quietly. “She needs rest, and lots of it. And food and water. And Commander…” He glanced at Bull and Varric and then stood up. He leaned over and placed a hand on Cullen’s shoulder while he spoke quietly in his ear so the others couldn’t hear him.

Cullen jerked away and stared at the mage in shock for a moment before he looked back down at the young woman in his arms, his face unreadable. He nodded and Dorian left him with her as the blond man carefully finished tucking the blanket around her while she slept.

“With his spells broken, it won’t take long for the others to find us.” Dorian said tiredly as he sat down on the ground beside Bull. “They’ll bring horses. We can get her back to Skyhold where she can recover properly.”

“Tell me, Dorian,” Varric eyed him. “I thought you said you weren’t much on healing spells.”

“Being around you lot made me realize I needed to get better. So I did.”

“Thank the Maker for that.” The dwarf mumbled.

“Hmmm. Yes.” Dorian rubbed his temples with his fingers. He was exhausted. It had been a struggle to keep her alive while he healed enough of her wounds for her to be able to fight for her own life.

“You should rest too.”

He glanced over at Bull and decided he was right. With a tired sigh he leaned his head on the larger man’s arm and wearily closed his eyes while they waited.


	29. Chapter 29

Thalia placed her hands on the edge of the wall and took a deep breath of the crisp mountain air. It was the first time she’d been able to escape her room since they brought her back to Skyhold. She had to admit that she still felt weak, a little off, but she felt better than she had in the month since she’d been back.

She’d missed everything. Shortly after they came back, the Inquisitor and the others had gone up against Corypheus and defeated him. Solas, had betrayed Ellana and broken her heart, but she forged on like the strong woman she was refusing to allow it to affect her work. The breach in the sky had been healed and for the moment all was peaceful. And she’d missed it all.

Most of her time back had been spent sleeping, waking long enough to eat and sometimes talk to Cullen about what had happened. He stayed by her side as much as he was able, wanting to personally make sure that she was taken care of properly. When he wasn’t able to be there Dorian and Bull or Varric were. They never left her alone, at least not at first.

Her nightmares woke her at times and Cullen was almost always there to talk to her and soothe her. He held her in his arms at night and reassured her of his love for her. Slowly, her dreams were finally starting to fade, but she knew that they would probably always be with her; just like Cullen’s own nightmares would never completely leave him.

He seemed more worried at times. He kept a close eye on her for fear that she’d be hurt. She’d told him recently that she didn’t need guarding anymore and that it was all right for him to let her out of his sight once in a while. He’d replied with how badly almost losing her had frightened him and asked her to allow him that one indulgence, at least for a while longer.

“Here you are,” Cullen said quietly walking up behind her. He slipped an arm around her shoulders and looked out over the mountains for a moment before glancing down at her.

“I told Dorian I wouldn’t go far,” She replied with a small smile. “I needed some air. The lot of you are starting to smother me.”

“I thought Varric was with you.” In the aftermath of Thalia’s abduction, Cullen had finally managed to make his peace with the dwarf. He wasn’t sure they’d ever regain the level of friendship they once had, but at least they had regained some of the trust.

“The Inquisitor needed him to help her with something, so Dorian took over.” Thalia bit her lip. She wanted to talk to him about starting back on her normal duties, but she wasn’t sure how to approach him about it. He had become so protective of her. “Cullen… I… I want to go back to work at the infirmary.”

“Are you telling me that you’re bored sitting around our quarters all the time?”

“Deathly so.” Thalia sighed and looked up at him. “Please, I’m going to lose my mind if I have to continue this for one more day. I’m fine. Dorian says I’m fine. Gavin says I’m fine and can return to my work whenever I wish to.”

“Thalia,” Cullen turned and pulled her into his arms. She leaned her cheek against his armored chest while he spoke. “You don’t need to ask permission. I know I’ve been a bit…”

“Overprotective? Overbearing? Controlling?”

“All right,” He chuckled. “I get it. I’m sorry.” He leaned back and lifted her chin, studying her face.

She would bear the scars of her ordeal for the rest of her life, but to him they made her all the more beautiful. She had a light one that ran along her cheek from temple to just above her lip that Dorian said would probably fade in time. Under her gown there were other small scars and a larger one that ran across her side that would definitely never go away. The mental scars were starting to fade, but those she would also carry with her for the rest of her days. She had been learning to cope with them and to lean on him when she needed to.

He lowered his head and kissed her, his hands tightening slightly around her waist. When he raised his head she let out a breathy sigh and slid her arms around his neck, pulling him down for another kiss. She could feel the rapid beat of his pulse under her fingertips and she smiled against his mouth. They hadn’t been together since they came home. She knew he was waiting for her to tell him she was ready again and she was ready.

They pulled apart and she gave him a sultry smile. “Do you think we could… ah…”

His eyes followed her as she glanced in the direction of their tower and he raised an eyebrow. “Do you… ah… do you mean…?”

“Hmmm….” Thalia murmured as she nipped lightly at the side of his neck. “I most definitely do.”

Without another word Cullen swept her into his arms and carried her across the battlements. Pushing open the door he curtly told Dorian that it was time to leave, not even waiting to see if the mage complied before carrying her up the stairs.

In their room Cullen set Thalia gently on her feet. He trailed his fingertips down the side of her face before sliding his hand around the back of her neck and kissing her deeply. She was everything that was dear and familiar to him and somehow he wanted to show her just how much he cherished her.

She tasted of the mint she liked to chew so much, sweet and astringent. He caught the scent of berries on her skin as he lowered his head and pressed his mouth to the side of her neck. She let out a throaty gasp and let her head fall back slightly. She clutched at his shoulders as he slipped a hand behind the small of her back and pulled her against him, reveling in the scent and softness of her body.

Her gray eyes slid open as he let go of her and stepped away. With quick fingers he pulled off his coat and undid the buckles of his armor and pulled it off, letting it fall to the floor with a clunk. She bit her lip, her eyes wandering down the length of his lean frame as he pulled his shirt off over his head.

He dropped his shirt on top of his armor and reached for her, gathering her into his arms. Her hands skimmed up the hard muscles of his chest with a sigh as she melted into his warmth.

“Are you sure this is all right?” He said softly as he started undoing the laces of her dress.

“It’s more than all right,” Thalia gasped as he bared her breasts and slid his hands across them. “I’m fine.” Until that moment she hadn’t been sure if his touch would bring back the memories of being touched by Garret, but she realized that she was fine. This was Cullen, her love, her protector, and he’d never cause her harm.

Her hands went to the laces of his trousers as he finished unlacing her gown and let it fall to the floor, followed by her smallclothes. He guided her backwards to the bed and gently laid her back on it. She rose up on one arm and watched him hungrily as he kicked off his boots and stepped out of his trousers.

Once he’d rid himself of the remainder of his clothing, he gathered her into his arms and started pressing kisses to the length of her body, drawing soft gasps and sighs from her lips. He loved her with his hands and mouth until she fell apart, crying her pleasure and arching against him.

He moved back up to kiss her lips and she placed a firm hand against his chest, pushing him over onto his back. He found himself holding his breath as she straddled him, taking him slowly into her. She settled against him with a gasp and his hands slid around her hips, guiding her as she started to move.

He skimmed his hands across her skin, feeling her stomach quiver under his touch with a gasp and her body tightened around him. His fingers moved along the lines of her hips and then dipped into her dampness, drawing a throaty cry from her as he gently stroked her. She cried out his name and arched back, her face to the ceiling, as another climax washed over her, leaving her weak and shaking.

Cullen shifted and pushed himself up, gathering her into his arms and kissing her as he took over and started to move up into her. Her arms went around his neck and she pressed her face against his shoulder, her body trembling against him. He gasped her name against her hair, his body going taut. He held her against him letting her heat consume him.

A bit later they lay together, her back to his chest as he idly slid his hand along her hip and up her side. He stopped and traced his fingertips along the scar that ran across her ribs before he shifted and gently kissed the raised ridge of flesh.

“Cullen…” She twisted onto her back and looked up at him, worry in her eyes.

“Maker’s breath, you’re beautiful,” he breathed leaning down to kiss her. “I love you. I’ll always… I…” He pressed his forehead against hers. “I’m not sure I’ll ever get over almost…”

“I know.” She whispered running her fingers through his hair before she pulled him to her, her lips seeking his.

“Mmm…?” He lifted his head and gazed down at her with an amused expression.

“We have a bit of time to make up for.” She gave him an impish grin.

“Well far be it for me to tell my lady, no.” He chuckled gathering her into his arms.

 

“What are you doing?”

Thalia turned to look up at Cullen as he came down the stairs. “I was checking my armor.” She said turning back to the armor stand and setting the vambraces back on it. “I was thinking that I’d like to start training again. What I learned from you and the others, it saved my life. I’d like to keep learning.”

“No.” His eyes narrowed at the startled expression on her face. “You’re done with fighting, of any kind.”

“I think there’s going to be one right now,” She muttered under her breath. “I know you’re my husband, you have a say over my life, but…”

“I said no.” He came to a stop in front of her and crossed his arms.

She put her hands on her hips and stared defiantly at him.

“You can do nearly anything else that you want to do, but not that.”

“Cullen, I have a right to be able to defend myself. You of all people should believe that.”

He sighed and looked over her head for a moment, trying to figure out how to choose his next words. “Thalia, that night that we found you. Dorian had to work on you extensively to heal you.”

“I’m well aware of that. What does that have to do with this? If nothing else, it should justify it.”

“Healers, they learn things sometimes. We didn’t want to tell you. I wanted you to figure it out for yourself, didn’t want to take that away from you.”

“What in the name of the Maker are you talking about?” She was suddenly afraid. Did Dorian find something wrong with her?

He reached for her and pulled her to him, his arms tightening around her waist. “When he was finished, before he left me with you, he told me… he told me that you are with child.”

Shocked reeled Thalia back from him and she stared at him, her face draining of color. “Excuse me?”

“I spoke with him after that and we think… the night before I left.”

She sank down in the chair and blinked at him numbly. “That would mean…”

“You’re nearly two months gone now.”

“I guess being beaten with a sword wouldn’t be a good choice right now.”

Cullen knelt in front of her and took her hands in his. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting when he told her, but this lack of emotion was definitely not it. He’d been just as shocked when Dorian told him. Even now he was still surprised that after everything she went through, nothing had happened to it.

Her gray eyes searched his amber ones. “I knew I hadn’t had my courses and I’ve been tired and sometimes not feeling well. I just thought that with everything… that… I never… it didn’t even cross my mind…”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t tell you to upset you.” He kissed her hands gently.

She took a shaky breath. “I know we’d talked about when things settled. I’d been taking…”

“Sometimes those things don’t work, you know that as well as I. There’s always been a risk.”

“Cullen… do you… do you want this?”

He suddenly smiled at her. “A child with you? I can’t think of anything more wonderful.”

Thalia put her hands across her stomach and then looked at him and expression of wonder crossing her face. “We’re going to have a child…”

“Yes.” He reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear, letting his fingers trail along her face.

She suddenly smiled at him, her face lighting up. With a small cry she flung herself from the chair and he suddenly found himself sitting back on the floor holding her in his arms.

“We’re going to have to make some changes in here,” He said kissing her and then looking around. “We could really use some more room.”

“Eventually,” She murmured tightening her arms around his shoulders.

They sat there for quite a while, absorbing the sudden change that would be coming to their lives, when Thalia suddenly started laughing.

“What?” He asked confused.

“I’m going to kill Dorian!” She laughed. “He’s been dropping hints and I never once realized it. The bastard could have just told me!”

“I told him not to.”

“Next time, I don’t care who figures it out first. Tell me!”

“Are you telling me that you want…”

“Of course!”


	30. Chapter 30

_Seven Months Later_

“Commander, this is highly irregular!” A young elven healer met him at the door to his room.

Cullen crossed his arms and looked down at the young woman with a murderous glare. “I could care less how irregular it is. That’s my wife in there and you, nor anyone else, is going to keep me from her side!” When she didn’t move from the doorway, his eyes narrowed dangerously. “Are you going to move out of my way or am I going to move you?”

“Let him in, Riwen. He has a right to be here, if he wishes.” Gavin stepped into view behind the elven woman. “Though most men don’t wish to be present for this.”

“I’m not most men.” Cullen growled as he pushed past the woman and into the room.

He rushed up the stairs to his and Thalia’s room, where another young healer was sitting in a chair by his wife’s side. She was lying propped up against their pillows with a blanket tucked around her legs; her hair falling loose around her shoulders. Her face was pale and a light sheen of sweat glistened on her skin as she looked up in surprise. He sat on the side of the bed and took her hand in his.

“Is she all right?” He looked to the healer.

“Cullen, I’m fine.” Thalia squeezed his hand.

The healer nodded in agreement as Gavin walked into the room. “Thank you, Ayden. You and Riwen get things ready. I’ll attend to Mistress Rutherford.”

“I hate it when you call me that,” Thalia suddenly gasped, her hand tightening around Cullen’s.

He leaned over and placed his other hand gently on her swollen stomach, feeling her muscles tighten under his fingers. As the contraction passed, she took a breath and relaxed back against the pillows again. Cullen slid his arm around her letting her lean her head against his shoulder.

Gavin sat down on the other side of the bed and smiled at her. “At the infirmary, you work with me and you’re our Thalia. Here and now, you’re my patient and you’re Mistress Rutherford.” He looked up at Cullen. “Are you sure you really want to be here, Commander?”

“I’d never leave her to face this alone.”

“Then you probably should get comfortable. We’re just getting started. This is going to take a while.”

Outside the room Varric joined Bull and Dorian at the top of the stairs. “Is it true?”

“Yes. The Commander got here just a short time ago.” Dorian replied leaning against the wall.

“Is she all right?”

“Pretty sure we’d know it if she wasn’t.” Bull settled back beside Dorian, his arm going behind his back in an easy embrace. “He’d be tearing that tower down stone by stone.”

“So we wait,” Varric crossed his arms and braced himself against the wall opposite them.

“We wait,” Dorian nodded.

“I just heard,” Inquisitor Lavellan came to the top of the stairs. “Thalia’s in labor?”

“Most likely will be all night.” Bull replied.

“Well then,” The elfin woman sat down beside Varric, with her back against the wall. “Might just as well get comfortable.”

Varric scanned the shadows beyond the torchlight and smirked. “You might just as well come wait with the rest of us.”

After a few moments Cole crept out of the shadows and sat on top of the wall near Dorian and Bull. He slouched there, a grim expression on his face as he watched the door intently.

“It’s all right, Cole.” The Inquisitor finally spoke up. “She’ll be all right.”

The young man had never quite gotten over what happened to Thalia and what he saw as his failure to protect her and find Garret Agate before he abducted her. Once the news of her pregnancy broke, it was well known that wherever Thalia was Cole was nearby. He was determined that nothing would ever happen to her again.

No one had ever been able to explain his attachment to her. Varric had probably come the closest when he said that Cole viewed her as a sort of kindred soul when he first met her. Even after the spirit left her, the young man viewed her as a sort of sibling. Thalia accepted his presence and therefore the others didn’t worry about his unique attachment to her.

Sometime near dawn a cry cut through the air and Cole became agitated. “She’s in so much pain…” He whispered. “Can’t they stop the pain?”

“Afraid not, Kid.” Varric replied quietly. “It’s part of the process. She’ll be fine. The healers will do everything they can to help her.”

As the sun finally broke over the Frostbacks the door opened and Cullen stepped wearily outside. His face was pale, tired, but there was happiness there too. He looked over the group and finally broke into a smile.

“A girl.” He said quietly. “They’re fine. Gavin and the healers are cleaning them up now.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I… she… she’s beautiful.” Words weren’t enough for him to be able to express what he was feeling at that moment.

The Inquisitor got to her feet and put a hand on Cullen’s shoulder with a smile. “Thank you, Commander. Now, go back to your wife and baby daughter.” She nodded towards the others. “We’ll take care of the announcements.”

“Thank you.”

When Cullen walked back into the bedroom, Gavin and the healers had helped Thalia change into a clean nightgown and brushed her hair out after they cleaned her and the bed up. She leaned back against the pillows looking tired, but well. He sat down on the bed beside her and gently touched her cheek.

“Hi,” She murmured as their eyes met. “Have you met your daughter yet?”

“Briefly,” He said quietly.

“Well then, I believe the three of you should spend some time getting better acquainted.” Gavin came into the room with a small bundle in his arms. He showed Cullen how to hold the child, supporting her head as he handed her over to him. “I believe we’ll be on our way. I’ll be back later today to check on you.”

Neither of them heard Gavin leave as Cullen sat down beside Thalia and she leaned against him her fingers gently pulling the blanket away from the baby’s face. A fine fuzz of black hair already covered her head and he wondered if she’d also have her mother’s gray eyes.

“She’s… I don’t…” Cullen was at a loss for words. “Thank you.” He finally said simply.

“She’s perfect.” Thalia murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head.

He gave her over to her mother and Thalia cradled her carefully as they looked at each other for a moment. Cullen leaned over and kissed his wife before placing his hand against the child’s cheek. “Ashlin Mia Rutherford.” He murmured. “Welcome to our family. I will watch over you and your mother with every breath in my body. Know that you are both loved beyond measure.”

Thalia blinked back tears at his words. She knew that she and their child were loved, but to see that love reflected in his face was humbling. “I love you.” She whispered tiredly.

“And I love you.” Cullen kissed her again. “You need to rest. I’ll put her in her cradle. Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake. When you’re rested, her _extended_ family will want to meet her.”

Thalia chuckled. “I’m sure they do.” The group of friends she had made there had been nearly as bad as Cullen during her pregnancy, fretting and watching over her every move. “And she should meet her protectors as well.”

She knew that no matter what their future held in store for them, their daughter would be watched over by some of the best that Thedas had to offer. From her father, to the Inquisitor, to Varric, Dorian, and Bull; also Cole. The shy young man had been fascinated with the creation of new life within her and she knew that she was never far out of his sight. Ashlin could do no better than to have that group as uncles, and an aunt, and even an older brother. She, herself, could ask for no better friends or no better husband.

 

Time passed quickly for the new family, events within Thedas marched on as always. Leliana was named the new Divine and took the Sunburst Throne under the title of Divine Victoria. Many of their members drifted apart, Dorian returned to Tevinter, while Bull and his Chargers went back to taking mercenary jobs throughout Thedas, though it was rumored that he managed to still find chances to meet with Dorian near the Tevinter border. Varric went home to Kirkwall where he was named Viscount and was devoting his time to rebuilding the city to its former glory. Cole had found a friend, and Thalia suspected possibly a bit more, in the young woman that sang at the Herald’s rest. Eventually the two of them set off on the road together to visit other places. Through it all they managed to all keep in contact with one another.

Eventually, Cullen, the Inquisitor, and the others were called to an Exalted Council in Halamshiral to decide the fate of the Inquisition once and for all. Old friends gathered and Thalia felt the love of her chosen family as if they’d never been apart.

During that time the Inquisitor and her advisors uncovered a plot by the Qunari to mount an attack on the council and the Inquisition. The Inquisitor’s mark, the magic that let her close the rifts, got progressively worse and her life was being threatened by it. In her battle to stop the Qunari plot before the mark claimed her life, Ellana encountered Solas once again. It was then that they found out that Solas was in truth, Fen’Harel, The Dread Wolf, the ancient elven God of Betrayal and Rebellion.

It was then that Thalia remembered her encounter with Solas in the Fade. When she’d touched him she’d discovered all that he was, but he’d used his power to block the memory so that she couldn’t warn the others. The Inquisitor finding out the truth brought the memory rushing back to Thalia. During Ellana’s last encounter with her former lover, he’d outlined his plans to destroy all of Thedas in order to bring restore the elven people to their former glory. He then saved her life; removing the mark that threatened to kill her, by removing her arm.

Ellana Lavellan had paid dearly for her part in the Inquisition, but she remained strong, still leading them down the road to becoming Divine Victoria’s peacekeeping force. The Inquisition’s army was reduced to a more manageable size. Cullen and Thalia settled with their daughter back at Skyhold where he continued to lead the Inquisition forces. Thalia took over Gavin’s position as head surgeon for the Inquisition when he decided it was time for him to move on.

Cullen delighted in his family. Ashlin was his pride and joy, once she was able to walk she followed him everywhere he went. Thalia could see early on that her black haired, amber eyed daughter was every bit her father’s child and would most likely follow in his footsteps, becoming a warrior like him.   

When Ashlin was five years old, a sister, Tiana Ellana, joined their family. Blonde haired and amber eyed she was the image of her father, but born with the gentle nature of her mother. Cullen and Thalia weren’t sure if she would follow her mother’s path, but they were determined that whichever route either of their daughters chose they would be supported.

The couple, more in love than ever, made sure that their children grew up in a home full of love and laughter.

 

Maybe someday their girls would go out into the world and forge their own stories to inspire the people of Thedas…

_End…_

**Author's Note:**

> I said at the start of this that it's been a very long time since I was inspired to write a fanfic. The world of Thedas is a rich, beautiful, terrible world with the most amazing characters and I have been truly inspired. I want to thank everyone for their amazing support and comments, every single word has meant so much to me. I'll be taking a break to prepare for and participate in NaNoWriMo, but I'll be back with another story after November.
> 
> Again - thank you, thank you, thank you! <3


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